Forum Replies Created
— Are you intentionally trying to be more “relaxed” in your parenting when it comes to supervising/controlling your kids activity? If so, why?
Absolutely. I want to provide a safe container for my son (age 3-1/2), within which he is free to roam/explore/experiment/be curious. He’s always been pretty independent — at the beach he would wander 50+ feet away as soon as he could walk. I want him to be confident and assertive.
— What are the benefits you’re hoping a more relaxed parenting style will yield? Are you seeing success? What trade-offs (if any) are you struggling with?
In encouraging him to be confident and independent, I am also allowing expression of what is turning out to be a very dominant/alpha personality. No shrinking violet, he. I suspect this is more his nature than anything I’m doing. It’s not easy to deal with or negotiate with. But I’d rather suffer through struggles there than squash his true nature.
– Is your more relaxed approach creating any issues with your spouse or with other parents of your kids’ friends who have more a more controlling approach?
His mother is a bit more controlling and risk-averse (she had a rough childhood). She and I co-parent but are separated. We more or less allow each other to parent as we are called to do.
— Are you seeing any difference in your kids attitudes/happiness after adopting a more relaxed parenting style?
I’ve always been lassiez faire so there was no change to observe…
— How are you managing digital devices? I will keep him away from digital devices as long as humanly possible. He does get a little screen time every day watching educational videos or entertainment videos that have some sort of value to them (ie Tumble Leaf on Amazon Prime).
— What safety concerns do you have with giving your kids more autonomy?
Nothing much. A few more scrapes and bumps. A few more of my things defaced or broken or hidden away (he took a sharpie marker to the carpet at my place of business, where he spends time with me 6 days a week). What is one to do? Parenting is a messy business. Things will get broken or mislaid. So be it.
Overall, he’s a very happy kid with startlingly high levels of emotional balance and maturity. He craves contact, but he also ranges far and wide and entertains himself for hours while I’m busy at work. So far so good. As I say to friends and clients: Only 14 and a half years to go, and I ain’t broken him yet!
And can we all stop shouting vaccine vaccine? By the time a vaccine gets produced, the coronavirus will have mutated and be wearing a new mask, in all likelihood rendering the vaccine ineffective or only partly effective.
This idea that we must all remain on lockdown until vaccine vaccine vaccine? Unacceptable…
VIVA — Sager
I’m aware that tiny houses have many challenging aspects, and in most cases are not an ideal *investment* in terms of money in, money out.
I live in Hawai’i, which presents its own set of challenging conditions. Limited space, much RE stock laying idle (owned as an investment), even more RE stock laying mostly idle (occupied by wealthy Canadians/whoever from November to May, even more RE stock owned as short-term rental properties (Air BNB etc).
So: the market is f!cking tight. It’s cool that people in various places can own proper houses for X dollars (whereas in my locale 4x or 8x is the norm — 2 BR, 1.5 Ba condos are 300k and up, and that doesn’t take into account the 600-1000+/mo condo fees for landscaping, maintenance, etc.).
So — the idea that I could buy a trailer home (tiny home is a fine euphemism) and park it on somebody else’s land for 700 a month (incl water [water in Hawai’i is heinously expensive, I’ve had bills over 200/mo], septic and property tax!) is a pretty sweet deal. Not to mention in Hawai’i, you never know if your landlord is going to sell to somebody who will then ask you to leave. RE insecurity is a massive, massive issue in the islands. The only people who aren’t subject to it…are owners.
Having said all that, I welcome further POV from whoever. We already store stuff off-site. Nothing mission-critical, but everything that we don’t use weekly that isn’t….So we’re already downsized. And pre-crashed.
It’s a fine, fine feeling.
VIVA — Sager
….I’m face-to-face with an opportunity to do the tiny home thing. My local municipality finally got off the schneid and approved them as a possible way to live, and a major development (20 acres, 150 tiny houses) is happening. They are grading the land and preparing the water line etc.
So, I am suddenly a big student of tiny homes. They are selling tiny homes and leasing the lots. It’s sort of going to be a fancy type mobile home park, although it’s going to be owner-occupied as opposed to renters (as so many trailer parks are).
The homes range from 50k-ish up to 150k-ish depending on size and trim level (incl solar power and solar hot water, appliances, etc.). Black water will be pumped out (so no septic or sewer needed) and grey water used to irrigate one’s landscaping.
So, I’m chatting with the people responsible and mulling. It’s definitely an option I’d like to embrace (pay cash for house, no mortgage, small footprint) but I need to be sure the vision I have is mostly congruent with the reality of what will eventuate.
Anyhow, more as it comes in.
VIVA — Sager
…about the wave you’re on. Focus instead on surfing it magnificently.Phil Williams wrote:
The big question I suppose is, how do human beings move from dense, high net energy sources, to low net evergy sources? With a massive drop in their standard of living!
Let’s make a distinction, shall we, regarding standard of living: certainly, we will all be doing with less money and tech and creature comforts in the short to medium term (depending on when the cliff actually arrives). However, this will be an invitation (and a stern one, not to be ignored) to recall older ways of organizing our lives and our social structures. Very few people will own automobiles (if at all — wanna be a pillar of the community? learn how to rebuild/repair/etc. bicycles), and maybe the electricity will only be on 4 hours a day (if at all). So we lose the convenience and modernity and gain something older and IMO essential. There won’t be SSRIs (for the 99%) but most who currently take them won’t need them anymore.
So “standard of living” will tank but “quality of life” doesn’t necessarily have to…
We will become members of tightknit communities once again, woven into webs of interdependence and enjoying the deep fellowship that comes from shared effort and duress. We’ll tell our stories and sing our songs in person and quickly forget there was ever a thing called FB. Lives will be shorter but richer and we’ll live closer to privation and death and that will be hard but life will be richer for it. (Want to add depth and feeling to your living? Get into relationship with your death…)
It’s going to suck in so many ways. It’s going to brilliant in so many more. Assuming we don’t irradiate the planet (nuke war/nuke plant meltdowns galore).
In the meantime, take care of yourselves, outwardly, explicitly and incessantly express love to your people and find time to dance each day.*
VIVA — Sager
* in this regard, let’s say “dance” means to do any activity that is playful and eases your worry mind and gets you to breathe all the way down into your belly. A good sweat wouldn’t kill you, either. Just sayin’…
Hey gang —
The civil defense alert chased me out of bed just after 8 on Saturday. We have a grandma and a best friend visiting from the Mainland, and they are happy to provide early morning care to my 1-year-old son, so I was hoping to take advantage of the chance to sleep in. No such luck.
I did the mental math — we’re on Maui, a nuke is going to Honolulu/Pearl Harbor. We would probably lose electric and water service, but beyond that, esp with the wind blowing the other way nearly all the time (no fallout threat), we’d be “okay”. So I went in and sat with my sleeping son (down for his morning nap) for a few minutes, then went and made coffee and a nice breakfast (can’t face the apocalypse with an empty stomach).
Our preps are all up to snuff (although if we were suddenly feeding 5 instead of 3 for an extended period, our food supplies were shorter than we had planned for), so there wasn’t much to do. There’s nearly zilch in the way of civil defense shelters on this island (Honolulu has much more of this infrastructure), and underground spaces period are rare (volcanic rock like ours is notoriously rotten for these purposes).
So, we stayed indoors, posted messages of love and peace to our friends and family, and waited. It was surprisingly okay. A good chance to do a self check: if this is it, how’d I do. Turns out I feel pretty good about things.
A friend back East does a daily news-digest email called The Chaos Report. He’s former CNN (don’t hold that against him ). He asked me for my thoughts on the whole deal. Here’s what I wrote (and he published this morning).Quote:
“Being awoken with a cell phone warning of an imminent ballistic missile attack sure as hell shifts your frame of reference in a big hurry. Everything extraneous falls away. If you can avoid falling into panic, you will immediately understand what in this life really matters to you. And if, on a deep level, you feel as if you’ve lived your life well, you may not even be afraid. My primary emotion was gratitude for my life, tinged with sadness that there wasn’t going to be more of it.In my opinion, this was no fat finger accident. It was a deliberate and cynical experiment. A trial balloon opinion poll, in real time and real life, about the prospect of a limited nuclear exchange.People running this country, both on the right and the left, and the entrenched bureaucracy, have in my opinion completely lost touch with reality.When you’re legitimately focus grouping nuclear war, you should step down and check yourself into a mental institution.As I write this, I’m sitting in a beach park on Maui. I’m surrounded by family and friends, my son is 4 feet away and his vegetarian grandma is feeding him his first taste of Kalua pork. Soon we will break out our instruments and play some music and sing some karaoke. When the sun gets low we’ll get in the water for an end of day swim.Seems like in the aftermath of our existential excursion, we’re all keen on the richness of simple pleasures. People who find that trite or twee? I respectfully suggest you’ve lost sight of what life is about.As for the cynical power-seeking maniacs currently running this country into the ground, history will rightfully bury you side by side with the other criminals of this era.Please do try to not exterminate all of us as you vie for your self aggrandizement.”
Five families have responded in the affirmative to my offer on FB to help them plan their preps. So, something good actually is coming from this awful mess. And a heightened appreciation for the richness of my life is a fine thing, too.
Carpe the f*&^ing diem, y’all!
VIVA — SagerTime2help wrote:
So what scandal was swept under the rug
The uranium-to-Russia scandal headlines got knocked off the front page by this.
I thought this was interesting given the recent events in Saudi Arabia. I know we are supposed to move on to another atrocity already, but this makes a bit of sense.
Either I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning, or this makes a hella lotta sense. Thanks R!
VIVA — Sager
(NB: I don't see the gun control people getting too much traction here. Just wait for a whole phalanx of family and friends of victims to step forward and demand this event not be used as a pretext to weaken or destroy the 2nd Amendment. I'm fully expecting such in the next 48 hours or so.)