Podcast

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Kauth & Alowan: Why We Need Each Other

The fundamentals for building community
Monday, September 5, 2016, 2:37 PM

Following on our recent podcast with Sebastian Junger about our shared evolutionary programming for tribal living, this week Chris meets with community-building experts Bill Kauth and Zoe Aloman, co-authors of the new book We Need Each Other.

Many PeakProsperity.com readers know that Chris has long found value in his weekly men's group. That group spawned out of the ManKind Project, which Kauth helped found back in the 1980s.

In this week's podcast, Chris, Bill and Zoe discuss the best practices and critical success factors for how to create tribal ties in our own communities. The work is not easy, but nor is it impossible. And it is incredibly rewarding.

For those looking to develop more Social Capital in their lives, this will be a particularly relevant interview to listen to:

The alienation in our culture in general with the way the whole system is designed to keep us away from each other. It is actually designed that way. I do not think deliberately, but it in terms of the kinds of pathological values that too many of us hold, it is almost like it was designed to keep us apart and alienated. We are so swimming against the current in what we are doing. 

I've studied all the research on this. It is the question that people have been asking for years: What is it that you most want in your life? Most everywhere else in the world, they always say love, family, and community. But in America, what do people go for? Money, instead of what they really want. 

One of the big learnings we had was that you cannot call a group together and build a tribe. You actually have to start with one person at a time, which requires a champion or a founder, who then has the values and the structure ready to go, and introduces and invites the next person. Those two invite one more. It sounds slow, but it is actually not that slow. It is very deliberate and it is what works. 

Click the play button below to listen to Chris' interview with Bill Kauth and Zoe Alowan (46m:57s).

Transcript: 

Chris Martenson: Welcome to this Peak Prosperity podcast. I am your host, Chris Martenson, and it is August 30th, 2016. Today we are going to talk about solutions. Not the trivial sorts of solutions like which insulation is best or how much gold to buy. Today we are going to dive straight into the heart of why so many people are discontent[ed] and lack deep connections with each other, and therefore, resiliency. In a recent podcast with Sebastian Junger, he noted that returning veterans were almost universally dissatisfied with reentry into the very society they were sent overseas to protect. Some, so much so that they commit suicide. The name of his book was Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging. Where that book raised the need for something tribal in our lives, it left out the concrete steps toward getting there.

We know now, further, that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection. Connection to others, but first and foremost, that begins with an authentic connection to self. How do we connect deeply with each other in ways that can promote both inner and outer connections that will truly inspire and uplift us, make us happier today and far more resilient for whatever tomorrow brings? Today’s guests are true cultural pioneers and real life practitioners of how to create and live in a tribal setting. No, not in a jungle with drums and all that. Okay, maybe drums, but we will have to ask them, but within the context of our modern Western lifestyles, living tribally within those. I will introduce Bill Kauth first, somebody who had a profound impact on my life.

In 1984, he cofounded the New Warrior Training Adventure of the ManKind Project. Having taken the ManKind weekend, that experience shifted my entire life trajectory and is at the root of my long running men’s group that focuses on emotional resiliency and preparing for the future. Bill is also the author of A Circle of Men, which came out in 1992 and has literally launched thousands of support groups, many of which have become communities. He met our second guest, the multitalented artist Zoe Aloman, at Burning Man. They married in 2008 and together they have been working with men and women building long-term, committed, and non-residential communities. Zoe is a painter, a sculptor, a dancer, a songstress, a mime, and a storyteller. Her work in women’s circles reclaims beauty and wisdom.

Together, they co-wrote the book We Need Each Other. Their new book is Time for Tribe: How to Build Your Personal Community, coming out in 2016. Welcome Bill and Zoe.

Bill Kauth: Thank you Chris. It is so good to be here.

Zoe Aloman: Thank you Chris. What a great introduction.

Chris Martenson: My pleasure, of course. So, set the stage for us. Why is a deeper sense of community needed at this time?

Zoe Aloman: Either one of us can take that. There is a profound increase in isolation and an almost tragic statistical decrease in friendship.

Bill Kauth: I am so glad you referenced Sebastian Junger’s book Tribe. Most of our friends have read it and it is so relevant, the pain of not having connection and community. It is just profound. It is almost like everybody knows that, but nobody knows what to do about it, which is why we took on this task of actually building our own tribe. It was not easy. It took us seven years to get the pieces right. We now have a beautiful tribe of 20 men and women that meet every single week. We are profoundly intimate and connected with each other. It is sure looking like we will be with each other for the rest of our lives.

Chris Martenson: Let’s go there. Where is this tribe of yours located?

Bill Kauth: Right here in Ashland, Oregon. One of the major theses of our particular thing is that we do not live together. We each have our own homes or apartments. We have a devotion to meeting face to face every single week, which you know from your men’s group that when you meet that often you just bond and connect. You stay connected. We also have a piece in our work and our training that we actually give ourselves the right to choose who we want to be with. We rather carefully chose our tribe and the new people that come into it.

Chris Martenson: Do you have anything to add to choosing a tribe, Zoe?

Zoe Aloman: I do. This is a huge piece of learning as we kind of failed forward in our growth. There has been this classic tendency for people to just say, “Okay, we are going to build a tribe. How about that everybody? Does that sound like a good idea, bringing people together?” That was the last time that group ever met. It took us a while to realize that people feel like they have to include everybody, and yet when that happened, like when Bill started something called In My Village right around the time I met him and heard about him. It was a great experiment that lasted for almost a year. It brought in people who were not able to build the kind of trust that was needed. A lot of this is about finding the conditions to rebuild trust.

Bill Kauth: What she is suggesting there is this. One of the big learnings we had was that you cannot call a group together and build a tribe. You actually have to start with one person at a time, which requires a champion or a founder, who then has the values and the structure ready to go, and introduces and invites the next person. Those two invite one more. It sounds slow, but it is actually not that slow. It is very deliberate and it is what works.

Chris Martenson: This sounds like something that would elude a lot of people, myself included, to just think about how I could go about starting something like this. It took you seven years to get it to where it is. It may seem easy now, but let’s talk about the basic elements. Suppose somebody wanted their own tribe. You say they would get started with that one person. They invite one other person, but obviously it is more than that. You cannot just invite somebody over and the next thing you know a tribe is going to spring out of whole cloth there. How do you really get started doing something like this? What is the intention you have to set? What are the practices?

Zoe Aloman: This is a big learning for us. We realized that somebody had to come up with the values and intentions, as well as commitment. Commitment is that big word, having just one other person join them. It was really when Bill wrote down the commitments and the values. He reached out to me and said, “Okay, I want you to fill out this piece of paper and agree to this.” I really saw that there was this transparency in there, speaking about your past and what you wanted to do with your life. There was also your willingness to commit to something. By actually signing that piece of paper, I was then able to give it back to him and say, “Would you fill out this testament of your intentions?” Then he did that. We had something to plot out that we could offer to other people who we felt had a kindred resonance.

Bill Kauth: There is a certain formality to it that actually works. It sounds a little squirrely, but it actually works, to do that and to make those commitments very precisely. It rests in your soul somehow.

Zoe Aloman: One of the big commitments, especially for us here in Ashland, is making a commitment to place. We are in a society where people are saying, “Well, I have been here for three or four years. I want to go to Nova Scotia or I think I want to go to Hawaii for a while.” It is really important to have people be willing to stay. I choose this region.

Bill Kauth: It is our number one commitment. If you do not stay put, you will never have tribe. You know that Chris. I know that you very deliberately chose where you live and built your place there, and everything.

Chris Martenson: The prime commitment for you is this commitment of saying I am going to stick around and show up. I presume that is another commitment. Is that the nature of them?

Bill Kauth: Yes, to show up. There is a promise to meet every week and a promise to tell the truth. It is really basic stuff, but we actually require that people get it and speak it. We created a little training, about 15 hours, and every new person has to go through this training so that they really get on the same page in terms of our values and intentions.

Chris Martenson: I want to hear more about that. We are going to get to the details in a second. I realize I probably skipped over something really important. I want to hear from you, just what you get from the tribe and what the benefits are. How is it adding to your life?

Zoe Aloman: It is an expanding experience and one that is kind of surpassing our expectations. It is really surpassing, because when you have people that commit to you and say, “I am going to commit to these values and I am going to commit to this for a minimum of one year,” even though there is a likelihood that they are going to commit for the rest of their lives – When you have people who have your back like that and they show up on a regular basis, like once a week unless they are traveling. But on a regular basis - it changes the dynamics of those people who have since stepped up and said, “Yes, I am in.” They are becoming these mirrors for you. You are being seen in a way that you have never been seen before. It starts to fill you up in this remarkable way, so that your work in the world increases just naturally because you feel so supported and helped.

Bill Kauth: It is kind of a soul filling in that sense of just really feeling loved. I had an experience several months ago. Zoe and I were the founders and after about a year, we had basically communicated everything we needed to communicate. The tribe was perfectly functional on its own. They de-rolled us. We asked them to de-roll us and take us out of the founder thing. They had a great ceremony and we just became regular Joes in the tribe. It took about a year. I had this visceral experience of just feeling like I could literally fall back into the arms of my tribe and I would be held, supported, and loved forever. It is just astonishing. I do not think I have felt that since I was a little kid.

Chris Martenson: I am detecting a lot of resonance with, sort of, the piecemeal elements I was getting from Sebastian Junger’s book and interview with him, which was that there are some core archetypal human patterns that really fulfill us when we get them. One I discovered in the ManKind Project was sitting around with just men, the safety and the intimacy that comes from that, which is totally different from a mixed gender circumstance. That has been very valuable to me. I did not know it until I had experienced it. I could have read 100 books on it, but as soon as I felt it, I was like, “This is something I was missing.” Are you starting to find, Bill, that people are reporting that level of experience with this, which is like they feel like they should have always been doing this, but did not know and they are glad they have it now? How is it showing up?

Bill Kauth: Incidentally, most of the men in our tribe are also in our men’s group, and the women have their women’s group. What we are experiencing right now in terms of the depth of what is happening is that our tribe is a little over three years old. We are kind of like a marriage. When you hit that two or three year point, shadows start showing up. Stuff that we have been able to tuck away. Because are so close and meet every week, the shadows are getting more obvious and because are committed to being with each other, there is a healing element that comes in so that we can actually invite each individual, as their shadows begin to show, to really get our arms around them and learn to love that part of them. The shadows just fade away.

Zoe Aloman: Part of our training involves a conflict resolution model that combines some of the Warrior clearings with nonviolent communication. We came up with our own hybrid of it. We have that to lean on. We have that as a foundation. We train people in that model and that is part of what we do in the new tribe training. We train people in all these different things that we have found were really imperative as strategies to build trust.

Chris Martenson: Zoe, I hear you. You have some of those tools that are excellent. Perhaps it is one of the commitments to process or work through the shadows when they come up. How does that part get brought into the tribe consciously?

Bill Kauth: One our values and our commitments is to integrity, which simply put, means to tell the truth. That is tantamount to working your stuff, right, when it comes up.

Chris Martenson: Yes.

Zoe Aloman: When stuff comes up, we have the tools and skills to be able to say, “Okay, let’s get the data and talk about how you feel about it.” We have added something in there that goes beyond that, which is: What this reminds you of from your past? What does this remind you of? Basically, you are staying with the feelings and being able to speak and reflect about what patterns you can see in your history of projections and coping mechanisms. It really enables people to come to resolutions.

Chris Martenson: In my own life, for anybody listening who has not had a lot of experience with inner processing like this, I have found that the more I learn about myself and how I operate with my shadows, my projections, my inner parts, and all of that, the more effective I am in the larger world. The skills and tools you are talking about, Zoe and Bill, where perhaps somebody listening could think sound peculiar and unique for a tribe. I want to raise this idea. For me, I find that those skills and tools have broad application well outside of my private life and are really helpful to me. I wonder if either or both of you have noticed that, as well.

Zoe Aloman: Definitely. This is the thing I did not realize when I first started this, is how full of growth it is for us personally and collectively.

Bill Kauth: We have been really surprised at it. It is a cauldron. We have created such a cauldron of growing and healing that it affects our lives dramatically, all of us. We can actually watch each other grow. It is astonishing and wonderful.

Zoe Aloman: Just yesterday we were in a meeting and this one woman who has been part of this for three years was saying, “I am just beginning to realize how much I need connection and intimacy. I have been going deeper and deeper, but I am still shocked by it. I did not really know. I thought I could just live with my partner, live with my husband, and not need anything else. I have been needing this all my life and I did not know it.”

Chris Martenson: I totally understand that. Can we get a definition? The word intimacy has come up twice now. Bill, can you define that for us? What do you mean when you say intimacy?

Bill Kauth: Sharing who we are as best we can. I need to make a distinction here. One of the things that is huge in our tribe is the gender safety. Zoe and I both attended a weeklong training down in Harbin called Clearing the Air Between Men and Women. We had to do a lot of work on our healing of our mother/father wounds before we got into that. In that container, we made the promise to not have sex with anybody in that container, it was half men and half women, forever. It created so much safety that we actually had the experience of what it is like to be with the other gender when it is profoundly safe, with no games and no bullshit. Just really being open. We built that into our tribe. That is one of the commitments for the gender safety, absolute transparency around anything that is sexual. At some level you do not expect that to come up anyway. To make the distinction, intimacy has nothing to do with sexuality. It has everything to do with opening our hearts and sharing who we are as emotional and spiritual loving beings.

Zoe Aloman: Intimacy, for me, as my friend Gordon Clay’s way of phrasing it, is into me I see, that ability to deepen your capacity, to look within yourself. You can see yourself reflected in another. As you can look in and be seen, so can you have the capacity to see. It grows.

Chris Martenson: Into me I see.

Bill Kauth: Into me I see.

Chris Martenson: Great. Here is a question. We have talked a little bit about some of the practices and tools, as well as the rationale and commitments that go into creating the tribe. Here is my question. How much has to be undone first, or unlearned, before that building can begin? How much of our cultural programing conspires to keep us isolated and superficial, therefore maybe lonely and not resilient, if I can coin a term?

Zoe Aloman: I think the first thing we have discovered, giving seminars all over the world on this, is people’s sense of livingness, or lack of worth. That has to be unlearned. The learning that we are worthy beyond our belief and gifted beyond our belief, that has been astonishing to me; that kind of self-judgment and self-criticism.

Bill Kauth: We have found that to do this at the level we are talking about requires having done some inner work, or being very courageous, because there is a lot of closeness. Folks are afraid of intimacy, by and large. They have been wounded, so they stay alone to keep themselves safe. We had a couple of terrific people that came into the tribe early on. Honestly, for all of their skills and education, they could not handle the level of intimacy. Bless them, I love them, but they had to leave. We have watched that phenomenon and really pay attention to it.

Zoe Aloman: We did not ask them to leave. They chose to leave.

Chris Martenson: I am sure a lot of people are going to self-select into that category and say, “Hey, maybe that is me.” What is the culture really doing to create that situation where, very deep down, everybody craves intimacy unless every Country & Western song is wrong? At the same time, the skills for doing it are actually so atrophied as to be utterly missing from some people’s lives. They have not had any exposure to it. This is not a condemnation of who they are. They have never been mentored. They have never been modeled. They have never been trained. Nobody has ever talked to them about it. It has been something you do not do. How do we get there?

Bill Kauth: That is a big one.

Zoe Aloman: I think it is step by step. There are ways in which we have brought people incrementally into this culture and into this environment where this is possible. Charles Eisenstein came out here several years ago and did a workshop. Following that, we decided to start something called Gift Circles. We would just gather together and we would speak our needs, something that we needed. Someone would take notes on it and send out the notes. People would just respond to people’s needs for simple things. In the beginning, it was so hard for people to say something that they needed, because they are more used to giving something. It is much more comfortable than to be vulnerable and to say the one little thing. One woman was just struggling with this. She was a worldwide teacher. She came up with, “I need help learning to put a signature page on an email.” Three or four people said, “I can help you with that.” That was big for her.

It is a genuine kind of asking. It is not like what happened in Fairfield, Iowa, with the group that started where somebody came to a group with a list, saying he needed your truck on Thursday. It is not that. It is a generous and vulnerable space, holding each other and listening for each other’s needs, fulfilling them. That meeting has gone on for almost seven years, that we have had that group. It has built a lot of connections.

Bill Kauth: Zoe is talking about something that is a lot lighter than the tribe, with very little commitment. I am sort of thinking that you were thinking about the alienation in our culture in general. That is such a big question. That has to do with the wealth and the way the whole system is designed to keep us away from each other. It is actually designed that way. I do not think deliberately, but it in terms of the kinds of pathological values that too many of us hold, it is almost like it was designed to keep us apart and alienated. We are so swimming against the current in what we are doing. The truth is that it is not easy. It has been very hard for us to do marketing up until now. This one in Asheville that is coming up, the new tribe training, is really filling up beautifully. It is the first on and it feels really right. We always interview people to make sure that they are settled at their home, and that they are in their place, because our task is not to provide tribe for people. It is to teach people how to create their own tribes.

Chris Martenson: Bill, since you mentioned it, I will pull it up here. I see that it is October 6th through 9th in Asheville, North Carolina. You have your first East Coast new tribe training.

Bill Kauth: Yes.

Chris Martenson: We will have a link to that to get to your website, because I want people to follow that if they want to get training and they are on the East Coast. You have one on the West Coast coming up in December. Is that right?

Bill Kauth: Yes. We try to do one here per year.

Chris Martenson: That one is December 1st through 4th in Ashland, Oregon. There is one East Coast and one West Coast. People can check those out. I would love to direct people there to that. In the seminars that I do, of course I have a very self-selected crowd that comes to them. Even these people, who are very curious and very alert, really pushing at the edges of what is culturally acceptable in terms of thought and experimenting, as well as how they are going to construct their lives, they talk about leading two lives. There is one they are actually living and the one they wish they were living. That one they wish they were living is always in the future. It is guarded until the kids get out of high school and are out of college, or something. There is a sense, I feel, that people understand that if they had a different structure in their lives they would be happier. They have placed that structure on reforming their lives at some point in the future. I am interested. Zoe, how is it that this tribal thing you have come up with is helping people recreate a new structure with the lives they already have?

Zoe Aloman: First, it is such a different success possibility, because we are living in our own homes. We are not talking about buying land or living on somebody’s land that has a lot of money and owns land. This reduces all that complexity. We are trying to start a co-housing community, which can take 30 years of meetings sometimes. I am exaggerating, maybe 15.

Chris Martenson: It will feel like 30.

Zoe Aloman: Yes. It is that you can do this by having the intent to meet in your own home. It builds the foundation by being able to do that. We also make agreements that our children are our first priority. Blood family or children’s needs have to be dealt with. That comes first. We support each other’s children. In the first years of tribe, I went to football games because one of the women had family in soccer and football. I went to baseball games. This is for them. I do not like football or baseball. It is like making this workable. It is not that hard. You can fit it into our world. You do not have to wait until you are house holders or are done being house holders.

Bill Kauth: I have studied all the research on this. It is the question that people have been asking for years. What is it that you most want in your life? Everywhere in the world they always say love, family, and community. In America, what do people go for? Money, instead of what they really want. We are actually just offering an opportunity for people to get what they really and truly want. As you suggested, people always have to put it off. It is complicated. It is still kind of a mystery to me, but what you have observed in your people is painfully accurate.

Zoe Aloman: I think there are two things at some point. One, we realize that we could live the good life now –

Bill Kauth: That is good.

Zoe Aloman: With simple things, great food, great friends –

Bill Kauth: When you have a loving community, you do not need a heck of a lot. You honestly don’t.

Zoe Aloman: There is a tremendous amount of support that comes from just the natural exchange of resources. It just goes on and on.

Chris Martenson: Help me understand. Paint the picture here of your last together, if you can as long as you are not potentially violating any privacy issues or permissions that you have not sought out or gotten yet. Tell us about your last meeting.

Zoe Aloman: Can I tell you about the last two meetings? I want to tell you about the last two meetings.

Chris Martenson: Let’s do that.

Bill Kauth: They were stunning.

Zoe Aloman: Two meetings ago, we were excited to look at and interview with Thomas Hooble. Do you know Thomas Hooble’s work?

Chris Martenson: Only because I clicked on his link through your website today. I really liked what I heard.

Zoe Aloman: One of the practices that we have done for the last three years is sitting up, looking into each other’s eyes, saying I am here to be seen. They say I see you, then the other person says I am here to be seen. They reverse it. It is a deep experience.

Bill Kauth: The key to it is that you drop deep into your heart and really feel that other person with love, and then say I see you.

Zoe Aloman: We had people watch the Thomas Hooble’s talk, which was talking about what his experience was traveling around the world. The greatest longing in people was to be seen. In this culture, most of us have not been seen by our family of choice. We spent the time deeply dropping into what people's’ feelings were, one by one, and their experiences of doing this with the I See You exercise and it felt like to them.

Bill Kauth: Each of us went to each other personally in the tribe. It took about 15 to 20 minutes.

Zoe Aloman: We went around and also did a check-in around it.

Bill Kauth: After.

Zoe Aloman: It was very interesting.

Bill Kauth: People had experienced such connection. Zoe and I experienced being buzzed, like falling in love buzzed, for hours after it that day.

Zoe Aloman: We have been doing this practice for three years, but we deepened it that day.

Bill Kauth: That is a piece of our tribe training, too. We do a lot of intimacy training in the tribe training, so that people can take that back and do that with their friends.

Zoe Aloman: Part of what we did that was in the check-in, of going around and checking, because everybody has two minutes’ worth of time where everybody has enough time to be heard, was everybody speaking about what that experience had been like over the last several years. It gave people an opportunity to actually speak about what they did not like about it. That is part of what we enable and hold space for, is people speaking whatever is up for them. That makes it a much more authentic experience.

Last week, which was just a few nights ago – People in our tribe have agreed upon these values. At some point, two people from the tribe said they wanted to revisit the values, now that we are all full members and we promised we were going to do that. As a small group, we were going to go through these and start reexamining them. Bill and I had been a part of that group. We had been meeting for a couple of weeks. We came to this one value that we had, which was celebration of relationships with divine presence, or with spirit. People still had issues with that. In our meeting, the facilitators distributed pieces of paper where we could write down whether we wanted it reworded, whether we wanted to toss it, and what our feelings were. Then we separated into small groups of threes. People talked about and we brought it back to the group. Everybody shared about it. It was interesting.

Bill Kauth: What it is doing is allowing shadows to come up again, as people make the values their own so that they fit. We are fairly mature group after three years, so we can do that.

Zoe Aloman: It is not just shadows. It is also the vulnerability and knowing that they could be heard. They could say whatever is true for them and still be accepted. There is still a place for their voice.

Chris Martenson: That is both a relieving and liberating moment, when you realize that you can bring out what is truly inside of you and not only not be shot down for it, but possibly even find yourself in a much more vibrant, connected, and alive sort of position in life. You are bringing your true self out and I think that is part of the deeper calling that is working here. I feel that angst that people are expressing. I might rephrase it and say somebody might be telling me a little bit sideways that there is really big stuff going down in the world, and they know they are either going to be a participant in making it a better world or they are not. How do I get up and start playing? I think this exercise you are talking about here, and you got right to it Zoe – When people can be vulnerable and allow their deeper selves to come out, they can clear through whatever that next layer is. They can get deeper into themselves and get closer to whatever their authentic gifts are, which change all the time as we grow and things change.

Bill Kauth: Well put.

Zoe Aloman: It really furthers resiliency and vitality. It makes us a much more resilient group because we are not so structured and so tight that we are in a box. As long as people know it is fluid and they have the strength to participate vitally, it is a much stronger field that is holding them, all of us. It is very resilient and resourceful.

Bill Kauth: As you said, we were de-rolled a couple of years ago. There is plenty of talent in our tribe, so a different individual or couple runs the tribe and brings something splendid in each week. It rotates.

Chris Martenson: Somebody is taking lead for the weekly meeting, as it were?

Bill Kauth: Yes.

Chris Martenson: You go to different houses?

Bill Kauth: Yes.

Zoe Aloman: We have somebody who takes notes at every meeting and sends them out, so we have what is called a Trusty Tribe Tracker.

Bill Kauth: We made that up ourselves.

Zoe Aloman: Some of them do not want to do the job. They saw we need an administrative assistant, and I say we need a Trusty Tribe Tracker.

Chris Martenson: Something floated by a while ago. It is bothering me and I want to bring it back forward. I am reminded of a Charles Eisenstein quote that said, “You cannot just have community as an add on to a monetized life. You have to actually need each other.” That is the quote. I am wondering how one goes about creating actual need with each other.

Bill Kauth: That is the gazillion dollar question. Somehow, it feels viscerally like I need my tribe. It just is the way it is. We have one our values that actually states we make a living together. We do not mean money by living. Somehow, we are finding our way toward the answer to that question, Chris. There is a non-monetary caretaking that happens a lot between us as social beings. Twice it happened in the meeting last week, where somebody was really hurt and went to somebody else in the tribe for support, or in this case, tapping one of those stress release techniques. They found some real healing. We never charge for that. That is what we do for each other, like family.

Chris Martenson: Zoe?

Zoe Aloman: There are many different situations. There is a woman in our group who needed therapy and she did not have the resources for therapy. In this case, we pulled together money and found her a really good recommendation for a therapist. We paid for ten sessions of therapy. After she went through that, she was so grateful. She was able to get back on her feet and get a job. She has been repaying back into this fund, even though nobody asked her to.

Bill Kauth: The name of our book is We Need Each Other, and that is purely from Charles Eisenstein, who we hold as a friend and a teacher. I wish I had a nice, clean, clear and crisp simple answer for you. It is something I am still grappling with as well. At what level do we truly and deeply need each other, which is true community or true tribe?

Chris Martenson: That is the thing I think Sebastian Junger found. When you are over there in your unit, and potentially even if your life is at risk, that need is just writ large and completely obvious. A gentleman I know said that he had a similar experience when he was caught out in the perfect storm. When I was relating this tribal thing to him, he said he was out on a fishing boat, not the one that sank obviously. If all eight of them on that ship had not been doing their jobs flawlessly, they would have sunk. Coming back from that, he said he has spent two decades fishing. Those are the seven guys he would go to work with right away. They would look each other in the eye and have a bond that could not be described or understood normally through other means.

Bill Kauth: I have that experience from the early days of the ManKind Project. Doing the New Warrior trainings they were unbelievable. Intense things would happen. Like with Rich Tosi and David Carr, I have those kinds of life bonded, almost military experiences that bond us forever. I think in our tribe, more and more as we play together and face the ferocity of your shadows coming up, where we literally have the trust and the ability to get pretty loud at each other sometimes. There is a bonding in that, that is visceral and permanent.

Zoe Aloman: We have also had people with medical emergencies here. One was very sudden and open heart surgery was required immediately. His wife was five hours away at a workshop. We just jumped on it and we had a team. Some went to the hospital with her, when he went to the hospital and returned. We formed a singing circle. The rest of us that could sat in this living room and we sang for him all the time he was undergoing open heart surgery. We have done that for a couple of different people who have had medical emergencies, because that happens in our world and in our age group, certainly.

Bill Kauth: On a simpler level, we will often meet somebody coming back from a dramatic trip overseas or something. Half a dozen of us will do that with signs and balloons. We just do that because we love each other. It is easy.

Zoe Aloman: There have been a lot of crises where people have shown up. They have shown up for us in situations. We live in a home that we rent. The one we rent from is in our tribe. He was going through a divorce and he was going to have to sell the house, the clubhouse. We put it out to the tribe. We said, “We are going to come over. People who know finance and mortgage are going to come. We are going to meet.” They were talking in a language we did not understand.

Bill Kauth: What were they talking about? They knew what they were talking about and they saved the day. They managed to make it easy for him to sell this property.

Zoe Aloman: Here we are, still.

Chris Martenson: Fantastic. I am sure a lot of people are intrigued at this point. I have to ask the obvious question, which is this. You want to start a tribe. You are giving it a go. What are your war stories here? What are the things to avoid, any hazard stories, stumbling blocks, or surprises that you can share that might save somebody some time and trouble?

Zoe Aloman: I do have one.

Chris Martenson: I am sure you have one.

Bill Kauth: Yes.

Zoe Aloman: It really came to my attention a few months ago, really clearly. The reason for coming together, the glue that is going to work, is not based on collapse. It is not based on survival.

Bill Kauth: That is highly relevant, Chris.

Zoe Aloman: We are very aware in our household about the environment and possible extinction. That has been a big push, for a durable safety net.

Bill Kauth: It is in our commitments.

Zoe Aloman: Yet, we have asked the members of our tribe about a year and a half ago what the most important need is for us in being in community. They said it was intimacy and connection. That is the glue that creates the safety net. We had a tribe that formed in a local town. They did our training. They put together something that was based on the reason for this and need for this being a safety net for times of collapse. It recently fell apart.

Bill Kauth: It collapsed. This is really relevant to your work, Chris. There was a time when I went around the world talking about what was going on. I went around the country talking about what was going on. Build your lifeboat now, and that kind of thing. It was hard on me and it was hard on the people that came to listen. That is not what they really wanted. Everywhere I went they wanted the mailing list because what I was doing was personal stuff. They were like, “Oh my God, I can be closer to other people. Can I have the mailing list?” That was my big clue that people want community. That is part of why I made the commitment to do this thing.

I have found this subsequently. I have put at least one line about building a new safety net because I know some people are paying attention to that. I can honestly not remember one person who has come and signed on who said they were here to build a safety net. I do not know whether that is so deep in shadows that nobody wants to say it or whether it is peripheral. Maybe they are in denial. That has been our experience.

Chris Martenson: I completely understand. I am totally agnostic as to why somebody goes toward a route that I consider to be more resilient. If the neighbor plants a pear tree because he likes the blossoms in early June, I do not care. I do care that the pear tree gets planted. For me, whatever works is best. Zoe, I can hear both in that statement. For me, here is my both/and. It is not that either I have a safety net or I am living in a community where we are doing these other wonderful things. It is both true, that the more I become intimate and connected, feeling that wonderful aliveness that I have in my community, the more resilient I become. My safety net is almost like an automatic feature of that, which comes along for the ride. I think you are right. It is important to know this. I think the opposite of that is not true. Building the safety net does not get you automatically, or potentially at all, the intimacy and closeness that creates the glue to provide that durability.

Bill Kauth: Your chapter 10, Emotional Capital in your book, actually handles that really nicely.

Chris Martenson: Thank you.

Zoe Aloman: It is whatever builds trust. That is the thing with the men with the fishing boat accident. Those men trusted each other. They were in a bad situation and they trusted each other. That was a forceful and visceral experience of that. We are doing that in a little bit longer process. We trust each other.

Chris Martenson: I would recommend sailing into a big storm at some point, if you are in a hurry and if you really want to goose the process.

Zoe Aloman: We have been through some very big storms in this tribe.

Bill Kauth: Because we are committed –

Zoe Aloman: We are not going away.

Bill Kauth: We are not going away, which means that when stuff comes up, we have to wrestle with it. That is our storm.

Zoe Aloman: Yes, we are not going to give up.

Chris Martenson: I am so glad to hear that. We are almost out of time here. I want to make sure people have the tools. There is the book We Need Each Other. I see that on your website, which is TimeForTribe.com. Is the next book out or coming out soon?

Zoe Aloman: It is not completed yet.

Bill Kauth: You are an author. You know how long these things take.

Chris Martenson: Absolutely.

Bill Kauth: We have been busy getting these seminars up and running, the new workshops. We have not been writing much lately. It will roll out in 2017.

Chris Martenson: I wish I could make it. Unfortunately, I will be halfway around the world on October 7th. Otherwise, I would be very interested in coming down to Asheville, North Carolina for October 6th through the 9th.

Zoe Aloman: Come to Ashland, Chris.

Chris Martenson: That is a possibility. It actually is. That sounds wonderful. I would love to see you again and I would love to do the training. I would love to continue the discussion and find out more about your amazing and very necessary, I think, cultural experiments. Let’s be clear. The culture we have built for ourselves is not working for too many people. It is also not working for the longer sustainability. We have to do new things. We have to take risks. We have to try some stuff. We have make a few mistakes. We have to learn. We have to keep moving. With that, is there any other thing I can direct people to, to help them stay current with what you are up to?

Bill Kauth: Go to our website and get on our mailing list. We will keep folks posted as to when our trainings come out and when the book comes out. If we have any blog stuff – My next marketing piece, which will be a blog piece, is that question you asked from Charles Eisenstein. What are these deep needs that we need? My point is to stay with us and get on our mailing list.

Chris Martenson: Fantastic. Bill and Zoe, thank you so much for your time today.

Bill Kauth: Thank you Chris. This has been fun.

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29 Comments

newsbuoy's picture
newsbuoy
Status: Gold Member (Offline)
Joined: Dec 10 2013
Posts: 325
Burning Men, Is Forming a Village of Brothers Possible?

An opportunity for men to practice?

Hope it's not too presumptuous of me to promote a men's gathering coming up soon with John Guarnaschelli. If I'm not mistaken John and Bill known to each other well.

Theme: WHAT GOOD IS DOING THESE RETREATS??
 
ON THE COMMON GROUND'S
TWENTY-THIRD ANNUAL
"VILLAGE OF BROTHERS" FALL RETREAT
 
WHO: Led by JOHN GUARNASCHELLI.
 
WHEN: Fri. Afternoon, Sat., Sun., Sept 23, 24, 25, 2016.
WHERE: CAMP HI-ROCK, Mt. Washington, MA. 2 hrs N of NYC.
 
Mailchimp link for complete invitation text and registration info:
http://us1.campaign-archive2.com/?u=2bb82c892a9cc138455988ac7&id=bd9c0c3097&e=3d86b69c4b
 
Thanks,
Andy
nigel's picture
nigel
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Posts: 148
Why?

I've spent a lot of time trying to make community, it has not succeeded. Our culture is no longer tribal, so when you are in a group of modern people you have all new personality types. You have the narcissist who if isn't the boss causes trouble for the boss. You have the people who make everything a committee decision so nothing gets decided. You have the sociopathic and the psychopathic. You have the people on illegal drugs, and you have the people who are on over the counter drugs. You have the person who waffles on in every meeting. And you have the people who value their precious life and walk away from community when they have to deal with all of the above.

You need a filter, want to be my friend or join my community, sure pass a drug test and a sanity check. Given our modern culture that filters out about 89%. And the ones left need to unlearn a lot of lessons. They need to know their opinion doesn't matter, only the hard facts of life matter. They need to learn you get respect when you make something, grow something, build something, raise polite children; don't talk ill of people; when you contribute to the real world, in a good way. Put me in a room with people who make something of themselves, not in a room with people who take something for themselves.

I'm not even sure I pass my filter, although I try to.

Time2help's picture
Time2help
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Posts: 2890
Some parts are still tribal

AKGrannyWGrit's picture
AKGrannyWGrit
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Posts: 498
Okay, this podcast was

Okay, this podcast was different.  My husband and I are both INTJ's and getting together with a group of other people and talking about "feelings" would be shear torture.  We both know we are introverts and so we do go out of our way to connect with family, friends and neighbors.  The old adage "to have a friend, be a friend comes to mind". If we didn't put forth an effort to connect with people we would get lost in our projects and our work. Working full time and developing a farm/homestead leaves little time or energy for soul searching or pondering feelings, not that we are inclined to though.  If asked what are we really looking for or wanting the answer would probably be a nap or more time, a massage would be really helpful.  More intimacy - we are good.

I do wish those seeking connection much success and think their book We Need Each Other could be helpful.  This podcast wasn't my cup of tea but am sure it was exactly what somebody else needed.  Love the diversity of subjects though!

 

 

TwinTown's picture
TwinTown
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Mankind Project was my start

I attended a New Warrior Training Adventure in 1997 and like Chris, had a transformative experience.  For me it was life changing not only because of the intense workshop but also the ongoing men's groups and circles, of which I participate nearly 20 years later. The Mankind Project is still hosting these workshops and facilitating men's groups across the US and other countries.

newsbuoy's picture
newsbuoy
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Men in Community

Brunel's picture
Brunel
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Posts: 37
I'm with Granny

There's something oddly "cultish" about this.  I guess it works for some but in any society you have leaders and followers and this system just seems open to abuse by strong or manipulative leaders.  We're all individuals and any coerced suppression of of our ability to express our individuality won't work.

David Allan's picture
David Allan
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Posts: 109
Live locally, think globally

I suspect some are missing the point here. Whilst a tribal existence used to equate to a magical / mythical world view (spiral dynamics) most of us have evolved way past this orientation - through the traditional / mythical level, through the modern / rational level to at least the post modern inclusive pluralistic level if not integral or super-integral.

To me the point of this interview is that we will likely be going back to a much more local orientation in our lives and how we handle this is key to our future wellbeing (and that of the species). My interpretation is that building local relationships is really important but until a significant change happens most people will not see the importance - nowadays most see themselves as part of a global community. That's fine - I'm not trying to convince anyone - but after any collapse it will be good to be well positioned mentally and physically.

And having a tribal orientation does not mean we have to take on the worldview that used to apply. Live locally and think integrally is my aim

pyranablade's picture
pyranablade
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Right David Allen

My mother told me that her parents got all their friends from church - and the way she said it conveyed that it was certainly a wonderful thing. I thought about that. They all played the same card game (sheepshead). They drank beer and every Sunday they had a German language church service. Yeah, it was a tribe. 

Of course now we have a different world. We have multiculturalism as a dominant paradigm, even within most of our churches and other institutions. And I imagine the coast of Oregon to be completely secular so perhaps they do actually need intentional groups for people that don't go to AA or NA or other 12-step meetings, etc.

Abundant fossil fuels have made it possible for people to do their own thing in their own place and - as much as we like that - there is certainly a huge downside to it. I would have preferred to hear the guest experts to put some emphasis on getting to know your closest neighbors and to first work on relationships with people in existing unintentional groups, including church, work, any relevant support groups, etc. 

Uncletommy's picture
Uncletommy
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Posts: 635
Cognitively dissonant?

Granny nailed it. There was something a bit disingenuous about this whole discussion. Chris was poking in the right direction by quoting Mr. Eisenstein comment:

 “You cannot just have community as an add on to a monetized life. You have to actually need each other.” 

Peace and contentment come from a focus outside of self. We all have struggles and search in our own ways for solutions. However, when you look to the needs of others, emotional and physical health can be the result. But should we franchise it?

They found some real healing. We never charge for that. (Bill Kauth)

None of us have all the right answers and when we think we do, that's when we run into trouble.No one has a monopoly on truth.

The man who is certain he is right is almost sure to be wrong; and has the additional misfortune of remaining so. (Michael Faraday)

You only grow from humility! Another good podcast to elicit thought and discussion.

 

herewego's picture
herewego
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Posts: 156
I really appreciate the

I really appreciate the self-awareness that Chris brings to this multi-faceted project of comprehending the end of human civilization as we know it.  Facts and figures are a necessary and powerful aspect of becoming able to see what's happening, but without some kind of inner strength and good self-and-other awareness skills I don't see humans being able to hold much of a focus on such difficult material.  So it's a relief to have a community leader who is developing character, connection, perspective and community along the way.  It's so good to have mostly civil and mostly intelligent discourse here as well.

A couple of thoughts about leadership - it can be understood as a latent ability in everyone.  It can be understood by a group that each person will end up leading some aspect of the community's life and that this is a net gain for everyone.  That leaves lots of room for skill development and reduces the tendency to compete habitually.  I've seen this approach bring forward new leaders who didn't know they had it in them and who made the group much more lively and productive. 

Another power that a group has is to decide to support those carrying a leadership function.  They will encounter difficulties, including their own wounds.  These factors can make them less insightful and more dysfunctional but if they have committed, clear minded support with good interpersonal tools, there is enough safety to face dysfunctions and outgrow them. I've seen leaders get better and better over the years with this kind of support team.

Just to say that leadership does not always have to deteriorate into a destructive or deluded power game, nor is it inherently exclusive.  Other models can work.

Thanks for the interview.  It makes me aware of how scattered my posse is these days....

Cheers All -

Susan

 

treebeard's picture
treebeard
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Posts: 627
A sign...

of cultural disintegration.  It was good hear about a group of people in a committed community, and very important work that is being done, but very sad in a way that we have come to this.  That we have had to completely reinvent our cultural structures, invoking tribe as a means to create community that has all but disappeared.

We are just starting to understand the violence that we have done to ourselves based on our current set of beliefs that currently masquerade as "facts", but are still clueless to the cause.  I have railed against our current paradigm so often here that I am being to dislike the sound of my own voice.  But alas, I cannot stop myself. Survival of the fittest, competition, monetization, all products of a twisted psyche, that projects our own disorder into the world and calls them natural, part of evolution, ecology, economics, and psychology.  All facts, "markets are self regulating, therefore corruption is impossible".

We are not immoral but amoral.  We have chosen the "rational" over the good, were are all Nazi experimenters on our future generations, fretting over our retirement savings and who did what to whom as the planet burns.  So our souls starve as we fill our bank accounts and become more insane.  Are we intimate with anything anymore, a friend, our own bodies, the earth beneath our feet, the wind on our face, the blue sky in the morning, a bumble bee resting in a flower as the sun sets, our own hunger, emptiness.

How far into the dark night have we come, have we lost our way altogether. In the darkness, even without sight we can feel the vast emptiness of the abyss yawning open before us.  We wake in a sweat in the morning before we drop off the cliff, but we lead the same life, day after day, as if we had all the time in the world.  The ultimate illusion.

Swampmama3's picture
Swampmama3
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Posts: 72
What about family?

It seems to me that the concept of tribe used to be a more spontaneous thing, not something we had to attend workshops and learn about.  It is a little disturbing to me that they implied that some had to wait until kids were grown.  (they did mention some also having young kids while in the tribe)  Why?

Shouldn't our tribe be those we already live with?  Our families, and our neighbors, our friends, our co-workers, our church or the people we work in community with?  If we are distant and non-intimate with all the folks already in our lives, why is it that way?  Have we lived a separate life from those under our own roof?  Does the father go off to football or hunting or fishing or golf all the time and leave his wife and kids?  Does the mother only work and tend to social functions and chores?  Do the kids retreat to their phones, their computers, and behind the closed door of their bedroom as soon as they are home from school?

Why do we not already have 'tribe' we can be our true, deep selves with?  Why the need to reach out to strangers when we've maybe made strangers of those living in our own house?  It feels like we shouldn't wait to build meaningful relationships we need until the kids are grown, or some chronological goal is reached.  If we are so lacking in human contact, we need to start these same practices of transparency and intimacy with our loved ones. 

Do you have estranged relatives?  Neighbors you've never spoken to?  Co-workers you never make eye contact with?  People you never talk to in church or whatever organization you're part of?  We need to use these skills in our daily lives first, not just with people we outreach to.  If we can't even have a meaningful, honest relationship with our family, starting anew with strangers isn't going to change our personal faults or disability to connect with others.   

There are the shadows that were spoken of.  When you meet new friends, you're in a 'honeymoon' period for a while, where everything is lovely.  Then the personality faults come out over time.  We all have them.  Our family, the people we spend the most time with, already knows our faults.  If we can't deal with personal faults in family and are estranged because of it, then establishing tribe with new people is only delaying the time until they see the faults too.   

We need to improve ourselves (our faults), heal our current relationships with those already nearest and dearest to us, and learn to accept other people's faults as we hope to be accepted ourselves.  Yes, we need tribe or family or community, but sometimes it can feel like an artificial construct or a cult when it's so premeditated and contracted.

I enjoyed reading the transcript, and am glad that others are finding what works for them in their state in life, but it kept striking me as too structured and controlling.  I suppose my perspective is different.

Time2help's picture
Time2help
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
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Posts: 2890
Tribe

Tribe happens naturally when people are isolated in smaller groups and placed under stress. There's a reason why companies are formed up in military boot camp in groups of 60-80. Typically these are weaned down by 10-20% by the time boot camp is complete through a relatively stressful process. When you are done, you have a tribe. An armed tribe.

One that takes orders well. 

Wouldn't be good to have the populous all tribed up though. A lot harder to control that way.

WASHINGTON STATE CONSTITUTION, SECTION 24 RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. The right of the individual citizen to bear arms in defense of himself, or the state, shall not be impaired, but nothing in this section shall be construed as authorizing individuals or corporations to organize, maintain or employ an armed body of men.

Translation: No armed tribes for you.

Afridev's picture
Afridev
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Posts: 147
Loophole?

Armed female tribes seem to be OK though wink

LesPhelps's picture
LesPhelps
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Posts: 811
Like minded people, rather than a tribe

I am a long time member of a group that could be considered a tribe, of sorts, but with a specific purpose/goal as the objective.  

What I seem to be lacking these days is face to face regular association with people who believe like the people on this website, people who understand what is happening and about to happen.

Talking about three e topics with uninformed people either shuts the conversation down and gets you ostracized, or occasionally results in extreme anger.

I could benefit from a local group of people who are paying attention to what's happening.

I feel like the child who sees that the king is naked, while everyone else sees it, but has convinced themselves they don't see.  The difference here is that, saying the king is naked, isn't working and the end result of this illusion is, well, not good at all.

davefairtex's picture
davefairtex
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[deleted]

Thought better of it.  :)

Arthur Robey's picture
Arthur Robey
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Posts: 3936
Fragmentation by Design.

The underbelly of the fragmentation of society is that it is being facilitated by Cultural Marxists. 

It is true that modern mobility destroys society and the Ideal of one World Government requires the obliteration of culture. 

Social Engineers have more hubris than Central Bankers They have scrambled the eggs but they will fail to make an omelette. They will sneak out the kitchen by the back door, leaving others to clean up

The invasion of Europe is their handiwork. 

 

LesPhelps's picture
LesPhelps
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Posts: 811
Double-Think

I actually lost a bit of sleep last night thinking about where we are at in this story and the fact that there is no solution as long as the majority will not act, or change.

My thoughts wandered off into "1984" and "Brave New World," as well as the little boy mentioned above.

Where I wound up is, becoming comfortable or resigned to double-think isn't a solution, because our society is not steady state one sustainable as the dystopias are in "1984," and "Brave New World."

Hence the perceived need for some form of local sanity support community.

I wonder if there is a way to locate local members of this website and other sites with similar content?

 

montani79's picture
montani79
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Posts: 14
I agree.  I find the whole

I agree.  I find the whole idea of a civilian, peace-time "tribe" of strangers coming together for the purpose of forming a "tribe" a bit hokey.  I don't think its realistic.  Real historical tribes were people bound together by consanguinity and marriage.  The original nation states were essentially extended tribal units based on the same.  The military platoon and the perfect storm crew were bound together by common purpose coupled with mortal danger.

 I think all of these artificial tribes and communes will melt away quickly when the collapse really gets rolling.  The only possible exception to blood ties and lifelong friendships I see is devout religious congregations.  Participating in one of those obviously won't fit with the life style of either the average upwardly mobile "consumer" or the modern secular liberal.  Orlov addressed some of this in his "communities that abide" and made the keen observation that the cultural attributes of enduring communities are largely anathema to modern Americans.   

I myself am neither religious nor a member of a traditionally "enduring" group.  I moved back to Ohio because all of my immediate and most of my extended family live within 30 minutes of each other.  When push comes to shove, they will be the people with whom I circle the wagons.  

robie robinson's picture
robie robinson
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Posts: 1221
Our mare was settled...

...and has brought a fine Suffolk filly to bear. Our farm lacks a miller and a tanner/harness maker a blacksmith would be good but for now I am sufficient. 

I fear a loss of property laws and kingdom rodentia. Welcoming the 19th century.

husband,father,farmer...

AKGrannyWGrit's picture
AKGrannyWGrit
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Posts: 498
Warmest Congratulations Robbie!!!

A fine Filly, a sigh of relief and smiles (whinny or two) for all.

A toast to your good fortune and healthy addition.

Thanks for letting us be happy with you!

AKGrannyWGrit

robie robinson's picture
robie robinson
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Posts: 1221
Thanks Granny

If you go to Facebook, Suffolk Punch Draft Horses, and when on that Facebook page search, Quinn, you will see a newborn picture.

Waterdog14's picture
Waterdog14
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Posts: 136
Family vs. Tribe
montani79 wrote:

Real historical tribes were people bound together by consanguinity and marriage.  The original nation states were essentially extended tribal units based on the same.  The military platoon and the perfect storm crew were bound together by common purpose coupled with mortal danger.

 I think all of these artificial tribes and communes will melt away quickly when the collapse really gets rolling.  The only possible exception to blood ties and lifelong friendships I see is devout religious congregations....   

...I myself am neither religious nor a member of a traditionally "enduring" group.  I moved back to Ohio because all of my immediate and most of my extended family live within 30 minutes of each other.  When push comes to shove, they will be the people with whom I circle the wagons.  

One important message I got from the interview is that we must find our tribe or create our tribe.  If family is not near (or is non-existent) we need to develop a tribe.  We cannot go it alone either emotionally or physically (after the fundamental economic shifts occur).  When I taught The Crash Course at our local university for two semesters, I would typically get at least one student in the class who believed that 40 acres and a gun (or several guns) meant resiliency.  I would spend extra time discussing Social Capital and Emotional Capital. 

Those whose immediate family lives within 30 minutes are the lucky ones.  For some of us, that is not possible.  This weekend, I've traveled 16 hours with my spouse to gather with my family and celebrate my dad's 80th birthday.  (It takes a lot of time to travel from a remote city in the mountains of Colorado to an even more remote location in the northern Idaho.  There aren't a lot of roads through the Rocky Mountains.)  And now that I'm here, I know that my family is most definitely my family.  But they won't be my tribe when TSHTF because we're all scattered across the western US.  And my dad is a heavily armed, fruit-growing, mule-raising westerner who believes that Obama is going to declare martial law after Trump wins the US presidential election so he can stay in office for four more years.  Sheesh!   Did I mention that Dad is heavily armed?    Yet despite our significant differences in how we see the world, Dad is my long-distance tribe by consanguinity (or "blood").  But I don't share his worldview and I'm not moving back to Northern Idaho.

So a take-away message from this interview, for me, is to continue to invest time and effort into building my local tribe.  The commitment to a PLACE is critical.  Traveling the Lolo Trail yesterday, I thought of the native people who were displaced and traveled the Lolo Trail in the 1800's seeking a new place (unsuccessfully).  "Displaced" - the word is more powerful than we sometimes realize.  Yesterday, I saw the walnut trees that my dad planted when I was in college.  They are 30+ feet high and producing loads of walnuts.  He could feed dozens families with all those walnuts.  And he does.  He gives away walnuts, apples, peaches, grapes, tomatoes, and almost everything he grows.  He has developed his "tribe" in his place. 

I'm not part of his Idaho tribe.  But I'm developing my tribe in my place (Colorado).  It might not develop as quickly or as deeply as in the interview, because meeting once a week and looking into each others' eyes seems a bit intense for me.  But with commitment to place, people, and the concept of community or tribe, it WILL develop.  I could be wrong, but I don't think we have as much time remaining to build our tribe as my dad had to grow his walnut trees... 

Another takeaway from the interview was the trust that is necessary for a tribe.  The trust (and tough love) in my family is huge.  Building trust outside of family (i.e., in the non-familial tribe) requires one big commitment:  being trustworthy.

Thanks, Chris, for another interesting interview.  So much to consider...

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Arthur Robey
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2010
Posts: 3936
Suffolk Punch Foul

I don't do facebook Robbie, it is a bit too creepy for me. So I couldn't get your foal but here is another.

( a bit long in the leg, innit?)

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shastatodd
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Posts: 61
My start too

My MKP  initiation was in September of 2008. it, along with years of sitting in men's groups helped me make positive changes my life. 

I have also tried my hand at community many times and found it to be cumbersome and unrewarding. That being said, I do look forward to learning more about Bill & Zoes book and attend one of his workshops in nearby Ashland Oregon.

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Bytesmiths
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Joined: Apr 28 2008
Posts: 221
Something for everyone!
AKGrannyWGrit wrote:

My husband and I are both INTJ's and getting together with a group of other people and talking about "feelings" would be shear torture.

Yea, I'm an INTJ, as well. But sometimes, you need to "push the enveloepe" if you want to have a vibrant community. It takes all types, and remember, INTJs only make up about 1% of the population.

Of course, if you don't feel the need for community, why bother to change and grow? Just stick with your natural inclination.

And yet, a Rational/Mastermind appreciates things that work, and so they can and must "waste" time on feelings, perceptions, "excessive" personal contact, and "A, B, C" thinking.

Steven Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) says, "Seek to understand, then to be understood," which is an anathema for INTJs, who already have everything figured out, and simply need others to see and understand that!

So keep reaching out; keep fostering temperament diversity. Keep listening to those chatty "E"s, plod along with those literal "S"s, keep trying to feel what the "F"s feel, and keep listening to the myriad options the "P"s come up with, because there's a whole lot out there that needs to "work" right, and you don't have all day to do it all yourself!

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Bytesmiths
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Joined: Apr 28 2008
Posts: 221
Family tribe comes natural; idealogical tribe need not be family
montani79 wrote:

I think all of these artificial tribes and communes will melt away quickly when the collapse really gets rolling.

Perhaps, perhaps not.

I think just one thing is safe to say about a "tribe:" it always has a unifying theme.

As you state, throughout history, the unifying theme has been bloodlines. But cheap energy has changed that: blood has dispersed. It is not unusual to see your "bloodline tribe" blown to the four corners of the Earth, driven by education, jobs, wanderlust, and Internet dating sites.

Another factor is that with cheap energy, families have become smaller. Before cheap energy, one bred a slave labour force and retirement plan. Now, it is not unusual to find three generations of two-child families -- it's hard to form a tribe under those circumstances!

So when "the collapse really gets rolling," the new zeitgeist of frugality and thrift may be enough of a unifying theme with which to form "tribe," especially if (as many of us expect) collapse will be uneven and stratified. I think that as long as there is television (or the Internet), it will be easy to form tribe, simply because of the pervasive, all-encompassing example of what it is not!

Quote:

I moved back to Ohio because all of my immediate and most of my extended family live within 30 minutes of each other.  When push comes to shove, they will be the people with whom I circle the wagons.

Consider yourself unusual and lucky. Most "family tribes" are more physically dispersed than that. And even when they are not, they are often "idealogically dispersed;" I have three siblings in my hometown, but one is a Limbaugh/Trump devotee, another is into "bling" and long walks on distant beaches near expensive hotels and restaurants, and the third would rather drink beer all day. I'm not sure I'd want to be in a lifeboat with any of them!

Although, as I just pointed out, simply the act of being in a lifeboat can be a unifying theme, even among dis-united family members...

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Bytesmiths
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Posts: 221
Values are important
nigel wrote:

Put me in a room with people who make something of themselves, not in a room with people who take something for themselves.

Well put!

We've changed our recruiting. We used to seek those "who were interested in intentional community." What we got were needy, wounded, mentally-troubled people who just wanted to be "taken in" by a bunch of tolerant, caring people, who would "accept them for what they wore" instead of insisting they behave to some standard.

We changed from that focus, to seeking those "who want to do collaborative agriculture." Yikes! That sounds like work!

Now, we don't get so much interest, but the ones who are interested are of a much higher caliber.

The best thing we ever did was agree on a set of values, in priority order. That usually makes it clear when someone is mis-behaving, but we still get people who say they agree with our values, but have their own "spin" on them. ("Sharing means you can borrow my pocket knife, if you clean it carefully and return it quickly, while I get to use anything of yours that I want to, and even leave it out sitting in the rain.")

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