Spouse who just don't get it?

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tabletop's picture
tabletop
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Spouse who just don't get it?

I was wondering to what extent any others out there are being labeled as "kooks" by their spouses for simply trying to initiate discussions and understanding of the current crisis.  We have joked about it in other posts however my wife's push back from accepting what we all know is truth has become quite a divisive issue in our house.

She refers to me as "doom and gloom."  I think she is a brain-dead, American Idol watching zombie who refuses to change her very unhealthy spending habits and belief that credit is good and "the American way". I'm used to frustration and ruin brought on by her spending. It's her attitude that it is completely impossible for the US economy or US dollar to tank that really bothers me.

What is perhaps the most shocking to me is that she was born and survived in the poorest country in the Western Hemesphere for 15 years and has lived a subsistance lifestyle much harder than anything most people in the U.S. can even imagine yet she refuses to discuss, prepare or change behaviors in preparation for what I believe to be fundamental changes to our way of life. 

It's really starting to burn at me less for my myself but for the fact that her denial and refusal to even engage in conversation over this is putting my children at risk should we not be properly prepared.

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?
crkeesey,
Check out this thread.   
"Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"
SG, when you have time, we could use an update.
Cat
 
Not sure why this link will not take you right there, copy and paste works.
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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

CR,

Ask her friend to send her to this website. 

FOR years, my husband was Mr. Doom and Gloom in our house:  he questioned everything and I learned to tune him out.  I was too afraid to accept all he stomped about and I wasn't ready to take action because I had no ideas about how to protect my children. 

Slowly in my own mind I started listening to my own voice, the little one inside (intuition) that told me things are changing too quickly, something must be out of whack.  But pride wouldn't let me admit to my long suffering husband that he might be on to something.

Last August I found the Crash Course-- although I wasn't necessarily looking for it, rather it found me. And again, my husband didn't recommend it to me.  In one 3.5 hour period I was convinced something definitely was a miss.  The first person I called was my husband.  He said something about "Now that this is YOUR idea I guess it's OK huh?"  which we both laugh about now. 

I am willing to guess, if your spouse has had the life journey you mentioned, she recognizes the trouble coming.  Maybe like me, she needs to act in her own time and prepare the best case scenario for your children.  Don't give up.

 

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

crkeesey,

You are in good company, believe me. Your problem has been voiced many times on this site. Rather than saddle her with the entirety of the Crash Course all at once - it can be overwhelming - start taking baby steps as noted below:

Perhaps you can do what I did. Start by pretending that you have experienced a natural disaster (earthquake, hurricane, severe winter storm, etc.). Now, figure out how you are going to survive in rough conditions for the next three days because the disaster is so wide-spread that no police, firefighters, medical are able to get to your location for at least three days.

What if your water has been cut-off? What if your power is out (no heat, no lights)? Do you have enough water for drinking/cooking (forget about bath/shower)? What about food? Is there enough to feed the entire family for at least 3-days? How do you plan on cooking food if you have no power? What about basic supplies: toilet paper, toothpaste, flashlights, portable propane powered heaters, etc.?

A lot of this you can begin doing yourself. When you think it's appropriate, bring your wife into the conversation. Start out small by asking her what she would do in the situation I've described. If she's the family cook, ask her what she would need in order to continue cooking for the family without outside power? Do you have a camp stove with propane? If not, it might be something you should pick up.

There are any number of things that you may realize you need. Just stop for a minute, look around the house and think of the questions I've raised. Are you prepared to deal with the problem or do you need to go out and get some supplies?

Once you have prepared yourself for a 3-day "camping" session, start expanding your perspective. How would you manage if you had to wait a whole week, a whole month, six months?

As another poster so aptly put it in another thread - eat the elephant one bite at a time.

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Hi Cat,

You rang!! Sam is probably the only person on this thread who remembers Maynard G. Krebs from Dobie Gillis. Simpler times.

I haven't posted much recently about my spousal situation, described interminably by me on several threads here, as well as at Rowe a bit.  It is not a good thing to do, marriagewise, though, as I told her, it's why I stay anonymous here (one reason).

Fortunately, my wife is not a spendthrift and, like me, buys virtually all second hand clothes. Nevertheless, our two greatest differences of opinion are severe, stressful, and depressing. She thinks we are all doomers and full of crap, focusing on pessimistic stuff that will never come to pass. This, of course, while refusing to read anything relevant, watch CC, etc. No change here. She still wants me to stop talking or go elsewhere when I bring CC up.

Second, and almost more difficult for me, is not just her lack of interest, but active disparagement of the concept of community.  She wants distance from the neighbors, ridiculed my description of the group kitchen cleanup at Rowe (voluntary, BTW), and constantly tells me to go join a commune. She will never turn off a light, recycle anything, and drives repeatedly to places, etc. She doesn't care about whales, snails, global warming or cooling, peal oil or peak tofu. She cares not about anything that is more than 50 feet away from our door unless it's a restaurant or a cultural event. She is not a bad person, just someone who, literally, does not concern herself with anyone other than her patients (professional work) and her family.

I have prevailed upon her to let me stockpile some food and am researching things that she would eat (she is a lot fussier than I am). She is not happy with it and if I spend a few $ will probably be really unhappy.  In other areas, I have stealthily acquired a few gold coins. I worked in counter-terrorism briefly and acquired some armament a long time ago. She will never change and my only recourse has been to try to be quiet, read and post here, acquire stuff stealthily, and plan how to set up community with my own contacts. If I were 25 and not 60 I might consider other options but they are not in the cards.

Trying to make local contacts is pretty tough. Yesterday I met with a local state rep, a good guy who is very energy conscious, which is why he is ridiculed by the legislature in which he works.  I tried to watch the Chris PBS special for a bit with him but his laptop froze. I gave him a CC DVD and told him to call me after he sees it. We'll see. He does keep chickens and wants to hyperinsulate his house. He also noted, during our conversation, that "a lot of folks are going to die," an astounding comment from an elected official.I was impressed with his grasp of at least several of the "E's"but I can't see him buying into food storage, security, etc  .I have two more people on my contact list, that's all. It will be interesting to see if anyone within a zillion miles is a CC person after Chris gets the group option up here. The reality is, if folks are more than, say, five miles away, they might as well be on the moon, IMHO.

Well, you just wasted another perfectly good few minutes (to steal from Click and Clack at Car Talk) reading my whining. If you want to help, put a Gold Eagle in an envelope, address to SG c/o Chris and Becca, and I'll make sure that I share my radishes with you when TSHTF.

 

SG aka Capesurvivor

 

 

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?
capesurvivor wrote:

You rang!! Sam is probably the only person on this thread who remembers Maynard G. Krebs from Dobie Gillis. Simpler times.

Hey! I resemble that remark!  Wink

My other Maynard favorite is "WORK?!?" Surprised  For those reading this thread, I apologize but only those who remember Dobie Gillis will understand this. And, if you don't know who Dobie Gillis is - well, here's a peek into the past:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Many_Loves_of_Dobie_Gillis

http://www.tvparty.com/recdobie.html

SG - any chance of doing some of the things that I mentioned in my post #3?

At least you can touch base in these forums from time-to-time and not feel so isolated! My sympathies.  Frown

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Hi crkeesey,

I'm lucky enough to have a spouse who is in agreement with my concerns (to put it mildly!) about the future. However, most of my friends would just as soon not talk about it. That's one reason why this forum is so important to me.

One suggestion I have for you is to not say anything negative to your wife about her interest in things such as American Idol. Yes, it's trivial, but it's important to be able to have an escape from time to time. If she feels like she can still have these pursuits and not have to defend them, maybe she will start to come around to taking your concerns more seriously.

I do find it interesting that she's spent time living in a very poor country. I think many Americans take for granted that we've had a prosperous way of life here. Maybe for her the "good american life" is something she's put a lot of thought and energy into and now you are threatening that belief. I know I'm scared of what could happen and I've always been pretty cynical. It's probably really scaring her. Sam's suggestions are great ones. Baby steps. Every part of the country has some sort of natural disaster that could happen. Preparing for those kind of things is a great first step. And, it's a good idea no matter how optimistic one happens to be.

Hang in there,

becky

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

It's all in our heads... 

Have her read "A New Earth"...  

But you know what?  Some people wont come around until the last minute, or they come around when it's too late, but they also become your best adversaries in a time of crisis.  Kinda think in terms of the movie, "Far & Away".

 

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

SG,

Thank you for the update.  I always learn from you, I promise you others do as well.  Sounds as if you had a productive meeting with the state rep. Smile  Thanks for putting that thought in my head, I will look into meeting with mine. 

Here is  the link to Bulk Foods.  They have a few tasty choices, some low salt as well.  

http://www.bulkfoods.com/products.asp#foods

Cat

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Hey crkeesey, I get where you are coming from completely.  My husband couldn't be bothered to watch the Crash Course, so I summarized it for him and he was on board with it.  It hasn't really hit him yet that this could be really bad if we don't start actively preparing and he has no sense of urgency about it because it hasn't directly affected us (yet.  I am sure it isn't far down the line).  I tried talking to him about ditching our cable service because it would save us $80 bucks a month and it was like I had suggested giving up showers.  I mean he seriously sees HD TV as a necessity in his life.  We have no savings and considerable consumer debt in addition to our mortgage and 2 little kids we have to provide for and picture quality and 700 channels are above and beyond important.  I just don't get it.

 /

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Sam: Yes, "work" has also stayed with me. As for your other thought..nice try but no cigar. My wife lives in the present, does not think about the past, and does not worry about the future. Not functional to bring up minor glitches ("yes, but the food DID arrive and the power DID come on. Why are you always worried about disaster?" If it happens, we'll worry about it.")

 

Cat...I approached my state rep, because he is a known energyinterested greenie, lives five miles away, and this is a relatively small town. I'm not sure that I would have felt comfortable tracking down a known Neanderthal or someone who was not open to having constituents  approach him. My two remaining victims are the local CSA owner (what can offer him?) and strident young scientist I heard spout CC-like stuff at a semi-political meeting a few months ago.

I don't even know what i want from these folks or where to go from there if they actually watch the CC. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, probably jointly withthem. My final option is to approach the local Unitarian church (not a member), known for showing occasional peak oil movies , and see if they'll'' let me show the CC in parts. That one is a biggie..really putting myself into the community.

 Will keep you posted and keep posting all, I need people to read to know when to head for the bunker and what to bring ( 100 pounds of gummie bears from bulk food, LOL) (thanks for url, Cat).

 

Keep on truckin..ooh, another expression for Sam and me.

 

The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers and Mr. Natural (Crumb, of course, lives in the south of France, no dummy, he).

 

SG

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Cat,

 

I forgot to thank you for your kind words.Smile

 

SG

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?
capesurvivor wrote:

Sam: Yes, "work" has also stayed with me. As for your other thought..nice try but no cigar. My wife lives in the present, does not think about the past, and does not worry about the future. Not functional to bring up minor glitches ("yes, but the food DID arrive and the power DID come on. Why are you always worried about disaster?" If it happens, we'll worry about it.")

<snip>

SG

 

SG,

Any chance you could just quietly accumulate survival stores/equipment without saying anything more to your wife?

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

If I can get Fedex to deliver while she's at work...

LOL.

 

SG

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

 

Capesurvivor,

 My wife also thinks that I am a bit over the top with the belief that things are going to change significantly in the years to come. She just does not get it and at this point it is better to leave it alone. So, what I do is accumulate stuff that she thinks that I use for my camping, hunting, prospecting trips. She does not like any of those activities so she does not keep track of all of the stuff I have.. "Camping" for her is staying at a hotel that does not have room service.

 I have to content myself at this point with just the knowledge that in the future my point of view and preparation will be vindicated.

 Ken

 

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

crkeesey,

I had some issue like this with my spouse but am mostly past them now. Here's what worked for me (although some of these approaches may be a little late for you now).

Firstly, bear in mind that if you are predicting the end of the world as we know it within say, two or three years then you will, on the balance of probabilities, be proved wrong. While the logic of what CM suggests is inescapable, the problem with predictions is always one of timing as well as accuracy. After all, much of what the CC says about peak oil, over population and so on has been reported by environmental campaigners for decades. The future is unlikely to play out just as described in the CC. In fact, a lot of
the people here including CM totally failed to predict the current
deflation and rise of the dollar, so they are not infallible.

So my advice is to avoid claiming the world as we know it is going to come to an end, just suggest a few plausible scenarios that _might_ happen, and suggest that some level of preparation for future possibilities is appropriate. My favourite is to suggest periodic food shortages at the supermarket as a result of the recession (I point out that in the 70s there were food shortages), possibly combined with occasional power outages or rationed power usage (like they have in South Africa). My wife can see this as a possibility and therefore has come round to the idea of having at least some preparations.

Also remember that if you are well prepared, then if the SHTF, you're stil light years ahead of the average joe. If you have a list of foodstuffs etc that you need when  TSHTF, although you may be crowded in the supermarket with panicking masses, at least you'll know what to look for. A lot of critical items are quite cheap, not too bulky but would soon run out in a crisis. Get some of these from time to time, and stash them away (not all at once).

When TSHTF it will not be like an asteroid strike. The fan is already clogged with s**t, and it will continue to accumulate over time. As this happens, and some of your wifes frriends lose jobs and start getting hungry and penniless, she'll come round slowly but surely.   

If she is over-spending then that is more of a problem. Watching American Idol is not such a problem. I still enjoy watching mindless TV with the wife now and again, and when I do so I enjoy it and don't think about the CC. Then next day I am back to my preparations, but also back to work, and back to being a father.

Don't let dark visions of imminent destruction consume you - you'll go mad. Read some  alternative, more optimistic  views of the future from time to time - who knows they might be right? Meanwhile, continue to prepare mentally and with small things like preparing lists, and taking baby steps with the wife as suggested above. People are not blind - as things get worse they'll start to listen. Be patient.

 

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?
honeydee wrote:

I tried talking to him about ditching our cable service because it would save us $80 bucks a month and it was like I had suggested giving up showers.  

/

 

LOL! been there.  I do have to say though that being a part of this community has help me so much in feeling like I am not alone. Just the thoughtful and helpful responses to this thread are a testament to that.  Thanks honeydee! Thanks Everyone!

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Thoughts I'd dust off this thread to happily say that today my wife agreed to put our house on the market.  (!!)  I've come a long way in understanding in the last 18 months or so (and esp. since I found this place), but my wife has too -- and she had greater psychological resistance to CC-type information than I did.  So she may in fact have come further.  

But inasmuch as one spouse can only move as fast as the other is willing to come along (in general), this was a BIG step.  We'll spend some time in coming weeks spiffing the place up and then we'll see if we attract any interest.  And if we do, whether we get a worthy offer.  And if we do, whether the buyers can get a (worthy) loan.  And if they do, whether we can close before the next round of the Great Unraveling begins (which, IMO could happen next week...or next year).

So -- the adventure continues.  Getting our equity in our hot little hands (and then putting it in safe places [to the extent that such a thing exists anymore {cf. Dr. Chris' latest "Nowhere to Run"}]) would be YUGE.  It would increase our ability to be flexible in the face of swiftly-changing circumstances.  And that's a big element of my orientation when it comes to preps.

Thanks for reading!  

Anybody else have a Spousal Update?

Viva -- Sager

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?
SagerXX wrote:

Thoughts I'd dust off this thread to happily say that today my wife agreed to put our house on the market.  (!!)  I've come a long way in understanding in the last 18 months or so (and esp. since I found this place), but my wife has too -- and she had greater psychological resistance to CC-type information than I did.  So she may in fact have come further.  

But inasmuch as one spouse can only move as fast as the other is willing to come along (in general), this was a BIG step.  We'll spend some time in coming weeks spiffing the place up and then we'll see if we attract any interest.  And if we do, whether we get a worthy offer.  And if we do, whether the buyers can get a (worthy) loan.  And if they do, whether we can close before the next round of the Great Unraveling begins (which, IMO could happen next week...or next year).

So -- the adventure continues.  Getting our equity in our hot little hands (and then putting it in safe places [to the extent that such a thing exists anymore {cf. Dr. Chris' latest "Nowhere to Run"}]) would be YUGE.  It would increase our ability to be flexible in the face of swiftly-changing circumstances.  And that's a big element of my orientation when it comes to preps.

Thanks for reading!  

Anybody else have a Spousal Update?

Viva -- Sager

Way to go Sager. Best wishes selling. We sold out place and the land I subdivided on our own, did the artwork for the ads we ran, built a website. We didn't save the entire commission we would have paid, but we controlled where the money went, more advertising meant more traffic. Today there are a lot of free tools that do all this - most are cheap or free. MLS will let you list your home you can put a 2 or 3 % commission down and that will open your doors to realtors. A few things we learned was - have a home inspection done today, fix any nit-noid BS so you don't wind up in a second round of negotiations. He who controls the timeline on negotiations wins.

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

I would divorce my husband if he gave me any grief about basic safety matters like preparing for bad times.  I'd present  him with the material, give him one month to read it, and if he didn't I'd initiate proceedings.

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Congrats, Sager; that's really big! 

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

Hi Sager,

Glad to see you dusted off this thread! I think I'm the orginal whiner since 2/08 whenI returned from the Rowe conference (though I'd been prepping in my mind since 1970...jeez).. Very glad to hear you are progressing and even instigating the New Paltz workshop;that will probably boost your wife along when she goes to that!

I don't get to this site much anymore and just blundered here tonight.

As for me...as Dirty Harry said, a man's got to know his limitations. My wife still thinks we're all nuts. I've given up on making major changes. The later writer on this thread who said she'd file divorce proceedings must not have been married too long or is very young, I suspect. Leaving a marriage because an impending (10 years, 15 years, 50 years?) meltdown may occur after I'm dead does not compute.

I've smuggled in some coins, some ammo, some food, bot and created several Earth box gardens, thought about which neighbors might be callable in an emergency, gamed some scenarios in my head (some are scarier than others). That's about it. I did find 2 WW2 Mae Wests for $10. that work! With my inflatable raft I'm set for a tsunami!

I have to just keep a sense of humor and soldier on.

PM me once and a while and let me know how things are in case I don't get back here too often.

 

Best of luck.

SG AKA Capesurvivor

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

A lot of this was covered in a previous thread:

http://www.peakprosperity.com/forum/depression-and-marriage-problems-taking-red-pill/33400

You might find some information there also.

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Re: Spouse who just don't get it?

I enrolled in CM University this past week. Great to find this thoughtful community and educational resource.

tabletop - thanks so much for starting this important forum topic. Hand me a paddle, I am in the same in the same boat as you. 

I find it paradoxical that my country-raised wife who always gets a battery lantern and candles ready and fills the bathtub with water at the first sign of a severe winter storm, is the same person who recently declared, "You are not storing any food in our house!" (clarification: by "food" she mainly means number 10 nitrogen-pakced cans)

For the past few months I've been buying extra containers of rice (with expiration date 2014, oatmeal, vitamins, etc. every time I go shopping and storing them in the upper shelf kitchen cabinets.

"Push came to shove" however when I started purchasing bulk quantities of laundry soap, garbage bags and toilet paper. I've wised up and have since been storing such items on second floor of our garage. :o)

Problem solved? No. My wife is too busy cleaning house to stop and watch CC. I have emailed her several short You Tube videos with PH.Ds talking about U.S. monetary policy to try and start a conversation, however, to no avail. All communication has broken down - to the point where for the time being I have moved into the guest suite of our house. It's a zen way to celebrate our 30 years of marriage. Eckhart Tolle's audiobook "Practicing the Power of Now" helps me keep a grateful attitude.

On the other side of the coin, our two children love to discuss preparing for tough times. Our daughter has an amazing green thumb and I just ordered several years of organic seeds in nitrogen-packed cans for her. Our son loves to talk about guns and goes for target practice at his friend's farm.

I have convinced my wife to put our house on the market which is exciting. The idea is to move to our summer house which is partially insulated but has more land and lower real estate taxes.. With a little luck we will be able to make the move.

Johnny Oxygen - thanks for the tread on "depression and marriage problems after taking the red pill.." The title might make a good t-shirt. :o)

caroline_culbert - thanks for suggesting the book "A New Earth." I am ordering it today for my wife who is an avid reader.

 

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Here is a quote:
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer
German philosopher (1788 - 1860)
capesurvivor's picture
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nope

Some spouses don't get to stage 3.

 

CS

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capesurvivor wrote: Some
capesurvivor wrote:

Some spouses don't get to stage 3.

CS

-Gut laugh on that one, capesurvivor!   -Only because I'm right there with you! 

Good luck, New_Day.  Your wife agreeing to move to your more sustainable summer home is a positive thing.  And having your kids be into prep-related stuff is really great.  The blown 30th anniversary does stink... but at least you guys blew your anniversary over a worthy cause.  My husband and I have blown 'em for much less worthy reasons than that!Surprised

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tabletop wrote:I was
tabletop wrote:

I was wondering to what extent any others out there are being labeled as "kooks" by their spouses for simply trying to initiate discussions and understanding of the current crisis.  We have joked about it in other posts however my wife's push back from accepting what we all know is truth has become quite a divisive issue in our house.

She refers to me as "doom and gloom."  I think she is a brain-dead, American Idol watching zombie who refuses to change her very unhealthy spending habits and belief that credit is good and "the American way". I'm used to frustration and ruin brought on by her spending. It's her attitude that it is completely impossible for the US economy or US dollar to tank that really bothers me.

What is perhaps the most shocking to me is that she was born and survived in the poorest country in the Western Hemesphere for 15 years and has lived a subsistance lifestyle much harder than anything most people in the U.S. can even imagine yet she refuses to discuss, prepare or change behaviors in preparation for what I believe to be fundamental changes to our way of life. 

It's really starting to burn at me less for my myself but for the fact that her denial and refusal to even engage in conversation over this is putting my children at risk should we not be properly prepared.

I'm no psychologist, but I suspect that she feels as though she has "made it" and achieved a childhood fantasy lifestyle and it's just too painful to hear you say that it's essentially assured to end.  There were probably people who assured her that it would never happen for her in the first place, and she sure showed them!  I get this a little bit from my wife who was born and raised in Poland and lived through the hyperinflation there.  However, after years of quoting figures and trends to her, even though she still hates to hear about it and doesn't believe it emotionally, she does admit that there are no flaws in my logic and so begrudgingly agrees to prepare.  She knows what it was like to go through hyperinflation, so a little insurance to prevent the worst of the worst is well worth it.  

And that's how I would suggest you couch your conversation with your wife.  Tell her there's no reason to believe that your house will burn down, but you still buy home insurance.  You're a great driver, yet you still buy car insurance.  Everyone in your family has lived to a ripe old age, but you still have health insurance.  Even if the likelihood of financial crisis is remote, you should still have insurance against it because the consequences would be so severe.  

What does it hurt to keep a stockpile of food?  You're going to eat it anyway, and plus you save on gas since you don't have to run and get something you ran out of -- you have 6-months to a year supply already in your basement/pantry/garage.  What does it hurt to put some of your investments in precious metals -- you need a diversified portfolio.  What does it hurt to have an emergency preparedness plan for any number of unforeseen events?  What does it hurt to learn self-defense and marksmanship?  What does it hurt to be prepared, whether or not your predicted scenario comes true?  It doesn't hurt.  It only helps.

Moreover, smart financial habits are a good idea whether or not a currency crisis arrives.  You shouldn't spend more than you earn, period -- well, unless it's for a capital purchase which will earn it back for you.  Even in the best of times, people go bankrupt for unhealthy spending habits.  Unbridled consumerism is never a good idea, and your kids shouldn't be learning it no matter the circumstances.

Something else you might want to point out (with actual facts and figures from your own research) is that rich countries can and do fall on their faces in circumstances very similar to what we face today.  Germany was a first-class country, rich with industry, a hub of arts and entertainment, with a rich, decadant lifestyle, before they fell into hyperinflation.  So were many others -- Argentina, Greece, Turkey, France, etc.  Zimbabwe was the breadbasket of Africa before sending its people to utter destitution just this past decade.  Cuba, before the revolution, was the premier vacation destination of its time, with the best of the best of everything, attracting the most affluent people.  Now people sleep with chickens in their living rooms because the state-sanctioned rations aren't sufficient.  An oldie but goody book to read is "Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds" by Charles MacKay.  Bubbles happen.  Hyperinflations happen.  And they happen to "good" people.  

And we know why... and those conditions exist today.

 

passantgardant's picture
passantgardant
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 13 2011
Posts: 22
Also, she may think it's too

Also, she may think it's too stressful to think about this "doom and gloom" stuff, and so wants to remain optimistic.  However, I would submit that it's much more stressful trying to be optimistic all the while knowing in the back of your mind that something terrible may be in the works and you don't know anything about it or how to survive it.  And it's even worse when your marriage is having trouble as a result.  I would work on trying to convince her that she doesn't have to believe anything that you do, but that if she understood the risks and the predicted scenario, and then prepared for it accordingly, then she could go on living her normal life and be secure in the fact that if anything did happen (although it probably won't, tell her), she would be covered and her children would be safe.  I personally live a very happy and optimistic life BECAUSE I know what's coming down the pike and am prepared for it. .

New_Day's picture
New_Day
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 6 2011
Posts: 28
Re: Spouse just doesn't get it

Concernedcitizenx5 - thanks for the Schopenhauer quote. We are dealing with 'heavy stuff' so the quote is most fitting. The quote helps me to understand that my wife has actually made some progress in her understanding in a relatively short amount of time. cape survivor and pinecarr - I remember hearing somewhere the following words, "Our aggressor is our greatest helper." In a very real way my wife's resistance is a blessing in disguise and testing my resolve. passantgardant - thanks for your excellent observations. You should hang a therapist shingle outside. Yes indeed, who can argue with the insurance perspective? I love pointing this out all the time. l As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango" - so I guess if I let someone prevent me from taking action after a Stage 3 understanding - well, then, I might as well walk around this summer wearing a t-shirt with "Stage 2" written on it!

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Sep 12 2008
Posts: 963
stage 3

I AM a psychologist and, despite 3 years of discussion with my therapist spouse, am no closer to having her even consider any possible changes happening in our collective or personal futures. We have had rather heated discussions, to say the least.

I have stored some food in the basement, to ridicule, acquired various small survival items, purchased and read various books, started whatever garden will fit, and continued an interest in firearms that she thinks is for Neanderthals.  I won't go into more detail other than to say that some people will never change and you need to work around them or leave for a different setting, as difficult as that is.

I still don't know what will happen here.

CS

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