Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in Iran'

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DrKrbyLuv's picture
DrKrbyLuv
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Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in Iran'

Just when you thought things were really getting crazy, along comes this story:

Osama bin Laden, the world's most wanted man, is living in the lap of luxury in an apartment in Iran and spends his time falconing...Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in luxury in Iran, it is claimed.

That is the astonishing suggestion in a documentary to be shown at a film festival in New York.  Bin Laden has been housed in a guarded compound north of Tehran with his wife, several children and grandchildren since 2003, protected by the Iranian regime.

In the film, a disguised falcon smuggler from the former Soviet Union identified only as 'T-2' says he first met bin Laden in 2004 at a falcon-hunting camp in northeastern Iran.  'I met him five times after 2004,' says the smuggler.  'The last time we met was in October 2007. Every time, it was in Iran.'

Falcon hunting is an exclusive hobby practised by some of the richest men in the Middle East, who travel to luxurious desert retreats to pursue the sport. A bird’s value can reach one million dollars.

Alan Parrot, an American falconry expert who used to train falcons for Middle East millionaires, said the evidence unearthed during research for the film was so convincing he hatched a plan to kidnap bin Laden.

He claimed he was warned off by US government officials.

The elusive bin Laden will once again have the world's greatest sleuths and bounty hunters scrambling to pick up his trail before it goes cold.  You can bet the CIA folks will be huddled around the water cooler all day speculating about what will happen next, for example: 

  • Will the F.B.I. finally put Osama on their most wanted for the 9/11 attacks?  Currently, the FBI most wanted list includes Mr. bin Laden but for murders outside the U.S. but not for 9/11.  FBI spokesman Rex Tomb previously said that "The FBI has no hard evidence connecting Bin Laden with the 9/11 attacks on America."  Were the lack of charges were just a decoy to flush Osama out into the open where he could hunt falcons, thinking that the heat had blown over?
  • After 180 water board torture sessions, Khalid Sheik Mohamed confessed to masterminding the 9/11 attacks.  Now that Osama has been seen sporting falcons, will more water boarding persuade Khalid Sheik Mohamed to come clean and admit bin Laden was the mastermind?
  • Should the U.S. launch a massive nuclear attack on Iran to blow up bin Laden before he can coup his birds and sneak away again?
  • Will Fox News secretly parachute Geraldo Rivera into Iran disguised as a falcon hunter?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran's President, has denied reports that Osama bin Laden is in Tehran and insisted that the al-Qaeda leader is, in fact, in the US capital of Washington.

"Rest assured that he's in Washington. I think there's a high chance he's there," the Iranian leader told ABC television in an interview.  Without backing up the claim, the Iranian leader said he had "heard" that bin Laden was in the US capital.

"Yes, I did. He's there. Because he was a previous partner of Mr. Bush," he said referring to former President George W. Bush. 

"They were colleagues, in fact, in the old days. You know that. They were in the oil business together. They worked together. Mr bin Laden never co-operated with Iran but he co-operated with Mr. Bush," Mr Ahmadinejad said.

"The US government has invaded Afghanistan in order to arrest bin Laden. They probably know where bin Laden is. If they don't know he is, why did they invade? Could we know the intelligence?"

"First they should have tried to find his location, then invade, those who did not know about his location first they invaded and then they tried to find out where he is, is that logical?"

It is unlikely that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will trick the CIA into using logic.  Sure, Bush and bin Laden were buds at one time but that was just a coincidence.

Larry 

compinthegroove's picture
compinthegroove
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Re: Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in ...

My guess is that Bin Laden and Bush are sharing the bed and wife has been banished to the couch.

Johnny Oxygen's picture
Johnny Oxygen
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Re: Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in ...

Thats why they 'let Bin Laden get away'. The US needs their boogeyman to control the masses.

Tapani's picture
Tapani
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Re: Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in ...
Johnny Oxygen wrote:

Thats why they 'let Bin Laden get away'. The US needs their boogeyman to control the masses.

Or caught him, and let him rot in some secret prison. Or killed him after capture. Regardless he shows his usefulness again -- now to stir up the public against Iran.

 

agitating prop's picture
agitating prop
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Re: Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in ...

Should Canada start sending all of it's oil directly to China,  regardless of the desires of the U.S, I expect bin Laden will show up in the tar sands somewhere.  He's become something of a rumoured religious relic, being moved from place to place, as suits the desires of the thugocracy.

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DrKrbyLuv
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Re: Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in ...

More "unofficial" bin Laden sightings are being rumored...for example, some Montreal hockey fans said bin Laden was at the Penguin/Canadian Stanley cup play-off game earlier this week.  He was supposedly boasting about his luxurious apartment in Iran and his new Montreal time share condo on a luxury golf course.  Hockey fans noted that bin Laden's shirt was covered in large bird droppings. 

John McCain was rumored to have demanded that easten Canada be attacked with nuclear weapons singing "bomb-bomb-bomb the cannucks."  And, unsubstantiated claims have surfaced that Hilary Clinton said that Canada may have to be "liberated" from insurgents via a lengthy occupation and the destruction of their infrastructure.  Mrs. Clinton was alledged to have said "we tore the hell outta Iraq and since destroying the country, we have had no reports of bin Laden hunting his f****** falcons there."

 

 

DrKrbyLuv's picture
DrKrbyLuv
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Re: Osama bin Laden is 'alive, well, and hunting falcons in ...

An unnamed source from Goldman Sachs suggested that the recent Osama sighting at a Montreal Stanley Cup Play-off  caused the stock market to drop by around 900 points by 3:00 p.m.  The source said "some people will say it's just a coincidence and that many French Canadians look like Osama, but we heard a report that during the American National anthem the mysterious man remained seated and booed and hissed."   Fans in the area said that the mystery man spoke very little English and no French but bought beers and corn dogs for everyone seated around him.

A U.S. State Department executive who wished to remain anonymous, said that Montreal and most of Quebec could be taken out without affecting our good relations with Canada.  "Under our laws, insurgents and terrorists are not  considered citizens of any country, even U.S. citizens; and denied any rights under the Geneva convention.  Canadians would throw flower petals in front of our advancing army if Montreal had to be destroyed and Quebec occupied."  

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