NItrogen-Packed Love Affair - A One Act Play

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New_Day
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NItrogen-Packed Love Affair - A One Act Play

 

 

                                                                  NITROGEN-PACKED LOVE AFFAIR 

                                                                               An original one-act play 

                                                                                                                 

                Opening scene: A FedEx truck arrives at a house in the country and drops off  a plain brown package.  

   

                Wife: "What's that that just arrived?"

 

Husband: "Some seeds that I ordered." 

 

W: "But we can buy seeds anywhere."

 

H: "Yeah, but I thought I'd order some special seeds for storage."

 

W: "Oh, geez! We don't need seeds. Are they organic?"

 

H: "Yes they are."

 

W:  "Oh, I get it! You've been listening to those websites again!" 

 

H: "Yes, and I'm glad of it. They help keep me abreast of what's really going on in the world. Not like

      television that wants to pipe stuff into our minds. The websites that you speak of  help me better

                       understand the concept of insurance in an increasingly unsure world! They are doing you and I a

                       favor that someday you  will undestand more fully."

 

W: "You are not well!" 

 

H: "Oh, here we go again with the ridicule and put-downs."

 

W: "You've been listening to those negative websites with all that gloom-in-doom!

                        They are just trying to sell you something!"

 

H: "Well, if you want to talk about - 'sell you something' - I'm thankful that we finally canceled our cable TV 

        subscription. Remember how defensive they were about us canceling?!

                          I'm glad I ordered the seeds. They are nitrogen-packed and stay fresh for years.

 

W: "I've talked to people and they've all told me that they think that you are bi-polar."

 

H: "Here we go again with the character assassination, etc."

 

W: "Why, you don't even know how to garden!"

 

H: "I know, but our daughter does. She really has a green thumb. This year's garden at our summer house

                       is fantastic! I got the seeds for her and our son who likes the idea of being prepared.

 

W: "Why do always get so hyped up on all these different casues?! You are tiring me out!

                        We are just too different!! 

 

H: "Yes, I'm a man and you are a woman. There are books about it!" (laugh)

 

W: "I can't take it anymore!! You just spend hours and hours on those websites that are all gloom-in-doom!

                        Why don't you go play golf? You have no joy!"

 

H: "I have plenty of joy. I get joy in doing small things to be more prepared. What's so bad about buying

                       ten bars of organic soap from the Coop and storing them in our basement?  I am not asking you to move

                       to Timbuktu.

 

                       I put the house in your name,  didn't I so that you would feel more secure.... stocking up on food makes

                        me feel more secure and our son thinks it's a great idea.

 

W: "Yeah, just like you did for Y2K! We live around plenty of stores in our area."

 

H: "Yeah, but Y2K introduced me to the idea of being prepared in a modern world that's built upon Just In

                       Time delivery. I never used to think about it, but this past winter, when I went to the supermarket to stock

                        up before a big snowstorm - I couldn't believe it, all the shelves of bottled water were totally bare.

                        It looked like some Russian newscast. It really got me thinking. Anyhow, I hate to shop. Every time I go                              shopping these days it's a total mad house. I love shopping by mail and buying things by the case.

                       Anyhow, our cat is increasingly finicky and doesn't like most store-bought cat food anymore.

      Remember the three cases of cat food that I ordered a few months ago and you freaked out - using every                                opportunity to tell me when I would go shopping that 'we don't need more cat food!!'  I love not having to                             run to the store to buy a few cans of cat food. Life's too busy to spend all that time shopping just for kitty.  

                  W: "You are not ordering any of those #10 cans of food! We are not storing tons of cans in our house!!!

                          You did that for Y2K and  remember how we had to give away most of them when me moved -

                          otherwise it would have cost us tons extra money to ship them all the way across the country?!

                          I am not doing that again!

 

H: "You know honey, I've mentioned it several times to you how the Red Cross advises everyone to have a

                        week's worth of food and water stored for emergencies. Lots and lots of people are saying that it is a good

                        idea to be prepared for any type of emergency. And lately, I've been realizing that buying things in bulk is

                        a good way to save money.

 

W: "You are not storing cans of food in our house!

 

H: "Look at the stock market. It is scary! Aren't you concerned? Even Jim Cramer says that if you are over

                      50 years old, you shouldn't have that much money invested in the stock market."

 

W: "The stock market is going to bounce back, it always does!"

 

H: "Well, I've been reading articles recently in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times outlining just

                       how big and intertwined the financial problems in our country are. I've sent you video after video of

                       PH.D people at Harvard, etc. saying that there are many perfect storms that can happen. I mean, the

                       problems are - global."

 

W: "You really need to see a psychiatrist! You are not well."

 

H: "Here you go again with the labels and put-downs. Listen, I've never felt better. I am not saying that we                                  should move to Utah or Montana - all I am saying is that it makes sense to stock up on some food, just

                       like the Red Cross says. What's wrong with that? We have plenty of room in the basemnet. You know

                       it's funny? If you were just a little bit different, you would be really great at buying this and that and

                       stocking up on stuff. You would be much better than me!

 

                      You should be grateful that I am not running to a lawyer and accusing you of verbal harassment over

                       nothing."

 

W: "That's threatening talk!

 

H: "I'm just kidding. But you are the one who is being threatening. I was just going about my day, a package

                       arrives and you run into my office and next thing I know you tell me that I'm not well!  I am not threatening

                        you. I am just trying to help you see how lucky you are. I am  not going to let you make me feel ungrateful.                           You know, you should consider visiting a women's shelter and reflect on how those women would love to

                        have a home in the country. Do you think they  would be upset about storing a few packages in their

                        basement? 

 

W: [wife gives no response]

 

H: "Do you really think this type of arguing over nothing is good for for you or I? You know, you might want

                       to spend a little more time being more grateful for what you have, instead of trying to tell me what to do.

                       Remember how I wanted to  buy you that book about being grateful, what's it called, Abundance

                       something -  and how I mentioned to you that Oprah says that it's her favorite book? Remember how I said

                       that  I wanted to order you a copy and you repeatedly told me not to get it for you? Well, I am going to order                        it for you tonight.

 

W: [wife gives no response]

 

H: "On another note,  are you going to keep your appointment later this month with the psychiatrist that you

                       forced me to go see last year?"

 

W: "Yes I am."

 

H: "Good. He's a nice guy. I enjoyed talking with him and I could tell that he enjoyed talking with me. He

                       didn't try to put me on any drugs. I remember I told him that you banned me from buying a few gold

                       coins - even after I wired some money to our checking account for that purpose... and how you kept telling

                      me to wait another week and then another week because we had some extra bills. I waited for a month and

                      the money that I wired got used up. I told hm how you went ballistic when you found out that I opened a

                      checking acount in my name at another bank in town so that I could wire some money to my own checking 

                      account to buy some gold coins - and how you threatened to divorce me that if I didn't close the account.

 

W: [wife gives no response]

 

         H: Remember the couple meeting we had with him after my initial three sessions with him and how I told

                         him point blank that you are on a mission, mission to try and get me on some type of drug so that you

                        can control me? Hey, if you want to talk to a shrink or therapist then go ahead. In fact, I think it might

                        make you feel better. It's just not my cup of tea. I hope you do go see him - a few more times. In fact,

                        tell him that I want to pay for three more sessions for you. But this time, I'm not driving you there.

                        Spend a night at a hotel and go shopping."

 

W: "Calm down, now, I am going to see him." 

 

H: "I am calm. I am glad that we are talking. I like talking about our marriage and the markets. Our children's

                      accounts fell 20 percent in the past week. I'm just tryng to talk about it.  I am not going to let it upset me.

                      But I'll tell you one thing honey, I am not going to let you tell me how to talk, how to walk and how to think.

                      I am proud that I am the way I am. You know, you are lucky I don't film us talking like this and put it on

                      You Tube and let people vote. It really would make great reality TV.

 

                      I've spent the past year sending you video after video and article after article in the Wall Street Journal about                         how many money managers recommend that their clients put 5% of their money into gold. I mean the stock                           market isn't play money. Why doesn't your money manager suggest this? 

 

          I gave you a copy of Jim Cramer's book where he points out that even people with lots of money get left by

                     the wayside. Money managers don't care about people like you or I!  And they just physically don't have the                          time to manage thousands of accounts. Even the Wall Street Journal questions the Buy and Hold strategy.

                     This is why for a year I've been sending you the links all the time for the - 1 year, 2 year, 5 year and 10 year

                     gold charts. Compare them to your chart for Microsoft."

 

W:: "There are many stocks that if you had bought them ten years ago, those stocks would be up two or three

                         fold. I don't want to sell a stock and pay a 15% capital gains tax. Gold is just another bubble!"

 

H: "During the past year gold has gone from 1100 to 1700."

 

W: "It will go down. Thank goodness we all didn't invest in that gold ETF that you hounded us about for

                       months!

 

        H: "I know. But I did watch it carefully and finally got out at with a nice profit. I learned my lesson: - paper

                        is paper. You know honey, you sure are one tough cookie. You would really make a great defense

                         attorney."

         

                                             Husband walks back into his home office and closes the door gently.

 

                        Two months later ..... as the snow begins to fall.

 

 

Radio report: "This is a News Bulletin from the the U.S. National Weather Service:  a major snowstorm is

                                        forecast to arrive early tomorrow morning..... 24" of wet snow is expected along the southern                                                 sections of the state, 36-39" of snow mixed with freezing rain is expected to fall in the center

                                         regions of the state.  Be advised, this is a major snowstorm."

 

H: Honey, I think we are almost out of cat food. I'm off to the supermarket to stock up.

 

                   Getting in his car the husband turns on the radio and suddenly hears 

                                                                      Bob Dyaln singing, 

 

                                             "When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe."*

 

                                                             Husband turns and looks at the audience:

  

H: "They say that the Lord sometimes moves in mysterious ways.  It's funny, my wife's stubborness, has a

                        certain beauty to it. It's helped toughen me up. I guess my wife is like the father that I never knew. If I

                        had jumped ship ten years ago, I would have missed this lesson. It hasn't been easy but I'm glad I stuck                                 around and made it past the arches of 30 years of marriage. Sure, there is a time and place to be long-

                        suffering. Dylan is right - it's spiritual warfare. 

 

      I could do nothing. But something is telling me to act, to take action and to be around people who understand

                      what is going on. People who are into reality. We're in the midst of a modern-day American revolution. 

                      I can't live in an open-air prison any longer. I'm tired of getting hit over the head with a frying pan.**

 

                       I'm not  running away - I am running into it. I've already lost my home. I just pay the bills. 

                       I've already lost my wife. I just sleep in the guest room.  No, "you can't always  get what you want, 

                       but if you try sometimes, you get what you need."*** Thank you Oprah for  telling us about that

                       Simple Abundance book, so I can be grateful for this day.

 

      - The End - 

 

                                                                                                                                                         All words copyright 2011 New_Day except * "Precious Angel" by Bob Dylan 

 ** Hank Williams lyrical reference

    *** "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by Jagger & Richards 

 

                 

 

 

 
doorwarrior's picture
doorwarrior
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 13 2009
Posts: 166
Proud of my wife

This play really makes me thankful for my wife and partner of 15 years. She has been completely supportive and engaged with prepping since we started almost five years ago. My eight year old daughter even loves to help prep.  All of our preps are done together as a family, everything from gardening to self defense to food storage, even PM's (my daughter loves the coins especially since the tooth fairy left her proof ASE's for her teeth). Preping has brought us together like nothing else could.  As a family we have gotten to a point where we truly feel we are as  ready as we can be for the future, no matter what it may hold. My wife, Shonna, is a wonderful woman and I am thankfull for everyday we spend together.

Rich

New_Day's picture
New_Day
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 6 2011
Posts: 28
Proud of my wife

Rich, thanks for taking the time to read my play. It is the story of my life during the past few years. I wrote it in response to the forums "Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill" and a newer forum "spouse just don't get it." My wife is one of the most amazing women in the world: kind, loving, caring, an amazing mother 24/7, creative, smart, multi-talented, adored by all that know her, the list goes on and on - I guess she just has a hatred about prepping.

My wife is a living miracle who helped to transform my life. Watching her be a great mother to our two wonderful children for all these years has been one of the great blessings in my life. But the sad truth is - a house divided cannot stand. I pray that my wife will finally come to understand prepping. But in the meantime, for our children's sake, I have to move out so that I can order water filters, etc. without being beaten verbally. My son's understanding of the situation helps me to persevere. Fortunately, both our children (who are now young adults with exciting lives) have moved back to our state.

Reading your sweet words about your beautiful loving family warmed my heart and soul.

Jack

 

 

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Sep 12 2008
Posts: 963
wife

Jack,

For a minute there I thought you'd been meeting secretly with MY wife!  If you ever produce the play, you could cast her! Every week when I do all of the recycling, obsess over the gold market and the web sites, sneak in supplies from the local Job Lot, I keep thinking...cause of divorce..."prepping incompatibility." No joke. I scan the online ads for cheap RE in western MA with a house and a few acres;she dreams of moving to the city and going to plays and interesting lectures.  There is no $ for either of those, of course. My adult son is buying PMs when he can though he thinks the prepping I do other than economic is excessive. As he said, one handgun is prudent, 10 handguns is paranoid. Not exactly ten...

Funny play. I hope you actually can reach some kind of accomodation with your wife. Like Congress, we just kick the can down the road except for "no rants", a verbal admonition I hear frequently when I can't stop myself from having an outburst while listening to "the news." Diane Sawyer was particularly stupid tonite,  even more so than usual for her. Oh for the days of Walter Cronkite, even.You said "Coop".  Do you live in in MA ("Harvard Coop") or is that an abbreviation for co-op?

CS

New_Day's picture
New_Day
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 6 2011
Posts: 28
Wife & Life

 

CS, 

I wrote the play to blow off some steam. But who knows, it's a timely topic, maybe I'll add a few more acts and try to shop it to some promoters in NYC for a possible run on off-Broadway. After all, a similar dynamic plot - "Taming of the Shrew" - was quite popular. :o)        

Real estate is a tough nut to crack. After checking out RE here and there I came up with a plan of moving to Thailand, Philippines or Vietnam  where some former schoolmates now live. But the riots and monsoons have scared me away. Presently, I am living at our summer house so that gives me a a few months to come up with a plan before winter. I have agreed to deed over our summer house and ten acres to our children - so that will soon leave me in the wind. 

I used to run through the  Harvard Coop everyday when I was a kid. Great memories, back when they sold stationary, shoes, etc. before they converted to a book store. Yes, I was referring to a Co-op... in Vermont. My present plan is to rent month to month so that I stay liquid and day trade until the RE market really tanks ... and then look for a place to set up camp somewhere in northern VT or NH. I have thought about going to  southern Quebec where I know people, but the border thing scares me. (when I was in my twenties, I got chased by U.S. Border Patrol and escorted back to Immigration where my then girlfriend and I were detained and harassed for hours. Might be a good plot for another play!

Here's a video clip to send to our wives: Dylan Ratigan (rightfully) loses it on air:

Jack

 

New_Day's picture
New_Day
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 6 2011
Posts: 28
Wife & Life

 

CS, 

I wrote the play to blow off some steam. But who knows, it's a timely topic, maybe I'll add a few more acts and try to shop it to some promoters in NYC for a possible run on off-Broadway. After all, a similar dynamic plot - "Taming of the Shrew" - was quite popular. :o)        

Real estate is a tough nut to crack. After checking out RE here and there I came up with a plan of moving to Thailand, Philippines or Vietnam  where some former schoolmates now live. But the riots and monsoons have scared me away. Presently, I am living at our summer house so that gives me a a few months to come up with a plan before winter. I have agreed to deed over our summer house and ten acres to our children - so that will soon leave me in the wind. 

I used to run through the  Harvard Coop everyday when I was a kid. Great memories, back when they sold stationary, shoes, etc. before they converted to a book store. Yes, I was referring to a Co-op... in Vermont. My present plan is to rent month to month so that I stay liquid and day trade until the RE market really tanks ... and then look for a place to set up camp somewhere in northern VT or NH. I have thought about going to  southern Quebec where I know people, but the border thing scares me. (when I was in my twenties, I got chased by U.S. Border Patrol and escorted back to Immigration where my then girlfriend and I were detained and harassed for hours. Might be a good plot for another play!

Here's a video clip to send to our wives: Dylan Ratigan (rightfully) loses it on air:

Jack

 

doorwarrior's picture
doorwarrior
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 13 2009
Posts: 166
wife

Jack,

I enjoyed your play when I thought it was fictional. Now my heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace in your life. Take solice in the fact that you are not alone, you have the CM communtiy and most importantly you have your children (who make think you are a little off but will always love you anyway and will be greatful when your preps will help to save their lives).

I have a couple of  friends that are going through the same thing you are. In one family the husband is the prepper and in the other the wife preps. In both cases its an uphill battle to get the preps done. After having spent some time with both I think its mostly fear of whats comming that makes them against prepping. That and a total belief in the system. They don't want to ackwnoledge how bad things may get or how drasticly their lives will change so they cling to being "normal" as much as possible. Anything thats not "normal" is crazy. I think we all had to go through a paradigm shift to become preppers and some people are not willing or capable of that change.

All the best

Rich

 

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Sep 12 2008
Posts: 963
wife2

Hi Jack,

I guess the can has stopped for you and your wife;that takes a lot of nerve. I hope you are able to continue to amicably relate to each other. You are sure making big living changes. Keep us informed.

An idea that my wife and I discussed today was my looking into living near Amherst, MA,for part of the week and trying to work/volunteer on something that interests me out there and returning here on the coast for the remainder. I guess that would give us both an idea how important a "triple E"-oriented lifestyle is to me. I have been unable to connect with like-minded people near me. The one group of which I know is a very small and quite closed community. Money is an issue so one never knows what will happen. My plans are not concrete yet.

I guess your play has morphed the "Spouses who.." thread here a bit. You sure did get it down well.

CS

New_Day's picture
New_Day
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 6 2011
Posts: 28
Wife & LIfe

CS, thanks for your thoughtful and supportive comments. Rich, yes, the CM community is like fresh water: refreshing and life giving.

This past weekend I spent some quality time with our son at our summer house. It was great talking man to young man. I told him not to worry about "2012" etc. but that it was time to start prepping in earnest. And we both talked about how we are blessed.

I've always thought of gun shops as strange places, but told my son, "Let's go check one out." The salesmen were great people and helped educated us on how to care and clean guns and they told us some great stories too. We now have a skeet shooting range behind our house!

btw - Gayle King had guest on her XM Radio program yesterday talking about how he exclusively writes one man plays. Looks like there actually is a market. Accordingly, I might write another few more acts.  I'll keep you posted if I do.

In the meantime, here's a nice footnote for my play that I saw in the WSJ: "To Save a Marriage, Split up?" http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111904140604576496240815891366.html

Jack

New_Day's picture
New_Day
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 6 2011
Posts: 28
Play moved to blog

 I created a blog for my play so that I don't take up any more bandwidth on CM.

Act 2. http://nitrogenpackedmarriage.blogspot.com/2011/08/act-2.html

 

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