Krogoth apoligizes

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krogoth's picture
krogoth
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Krogoth apoligizes

Hey everyone,

 

I am truly sorry for the posts I have made recently going after some of you. I am under a lot of stress and not sleeping well at night, and it translated into my writings here.

It's no excuse. It's unprofessional and uncalled for. I am German Irish, so the 2 things we do well are fight and drink, so sometimes my temper does come out. We are all under a lot of stress, and it translates into our writings from time to time. The last thing we need to do is tear apart something good, active conversations or education of others, which is the reason I contribute to this website.

I do not wish to lower myself and fight with people on subjects because it gets us nowhere. It is the way things are, and I am far from perfect, but I am trying everyday to be a better man for my family and my friends.

To my friends here, other writers, Chris and Erik, I apologize. Now that we have a report button, I don't think this will be happening a lot anymore.

 

Peace,

 

 

 

caroline_culbert's picture
caroline_culbert
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Posts: 624
Re: Krogoth apoligizes

Krogoth-- You're well worth putting up with!!Smile

Damnthematrix's picture
Damnthematrix
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Re: Krogoth apoligizes

Does this mean I can use my French background as an excuse for lashing out too...? Tongue out

pinecarr's picture
pinecarr
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Re: Krogoth apoligizes

Krogoth, Caroline's right., and it takes a big man to apologize.   

Damnthematrix, good laugh!

radiance's picture
radiance
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Re: Krogoth apoligizes

Our eyes are eternally fixed; she lay between my legs on that hot summer day. The heat of her body scorched my hands and face. I strained to understand her mumblings and groans, as the wrenching stench of sizzling flesh and burnt hair filled the afternoon air. A large terrified gasping crowd gathered in a circle sixty feet around, her mother stood among them trembling. In the center isolated by shock it was her and I alone. I had so little to draw upon at that moment. I was fully, ever so fully, insufficient for a moment such as this. Almost four years before, with offense and accusation in my heart, I had dropped the Pearl of great price; the Christ. My chest was heaving and my heart was in my throat. Scrambling to find self-control, I labored so as to gently whisper the sustenance of eternal peace through her ear and into her heart: it's ok, it's ok honey, it's ok you're going home. She moaned and mumbled her last.


She had followed me week after week, one apartment to the next and even one building to the next. The day before it happened, I was under a sink fixing a leak at another building, suddenly she appeared, knelt down beside me, looked up under the sink at my hands and then without any pause, wiggled and rolled across my chest and lay her head next to mine watching as I finished the task. We were friends. She trusted me and at almost three she was oozing the sweet aroma of innocence. Oh my God my Lord, if only I could have seen her mother as I could see her; but I couldn't. I was alive to self and full of darkness.


Mom was easily unlovable. Mom didn't start life that way; she, like all of us, long ago oozed with innocence. But now mom reeked from gangrenous wounds from among other things rejection and disappointment that had gone systemic. She was unkempt, late thirties, chubby. I was the summer maintenance guy in my late twenties. She was always finding something wrong in her apartment for me to come and fix, but wasn't broke. She was always in night cloths, reclining on the couch legs spread; one against the backrest the other leaning against the coffee table, which seemed to always host; a smoldering cig, a half a cup of coffee and an almost empty box of white powdered donut wholes. A rabbit eared TV constantly belched trite soaps, soothing her pain "zone out." Had she been one of the hot leg tenets, I... But she was easy not to desire and just as easy not to care about even to behold with contempt.


I was alive then, living life my way. I played the eros love game well; you meet my desires and needs and I will meet yours coupled with an insatiable appetite for intimate embrace and the consequential sensual delight. In reality I was a shallow self-absorbed ten fingered beast, the quintessence of fallen humanity. Being so full of myself I couldn't unselfishly love what I perceived to be unlovely, I could only love those that I perceived as lovely and loving me. I was not a stereotypical jerk; in fact by far most people liked me. I was much to dignified to demonstrate such shallowness outwardly in my public persona. It's possible that hot summer day 28 years ago never would have happened!


Until sitting at my computer this morning writing this painful story I realized; I have never contemplated my failure and my carelessness in the tragedy, only her mom's evil behavior. I always saw myself as the selfless hurting one who pulled her from the flames. What could have been if only I had been a dead man and was living life for another "the Christ" who himself gave his life as an unselfish act of supreme agape love. Not love as we so commonly use the word where we say in one breath I love ice cream and the next I love you my wife. The English word love is totally defiled. You are right Caroline none of us can love a stranger and incidentally Caroline she would now be thirty-one. The love we live out expects something in return, even from our children. We instinctively nurture our children but even there we can act against instinct, as the mother I speak of, acted against instinct and against even earthly eros love. Mom, with premeditation, murdered her daughter.


Had I have been a dead man, I could have possibly been a conduit from heaven to earth and dressed moms wounds with heaping hot burning coals of Christ's trembling holy romanced heart for her and her alone. Mom was, is still Jesus favorite one and she didn't know that. But I was way to alive to see the need and to look beyond my heartless self-centeredness. Therein, I not only failed mom but by default failed the one who trusted me.


You guys are right about this Christianity thing. But consider this; the enemy of Christ is Christianity! There is a dark religious spirit lording over Christianity. Christianity is a religion full of living souls who for the most part are innocent of the dark agenda. Most Christians were raised in a church. For generations the same old nominal Christian life; wherein one lives abundantly religious but never dies. Dead people intimidate the clergy and threaten their salary. Dead people likewise terrify that set of laity who refuses to die. But millions have simply never really heard the depth of the journey we are all called to by the Holy Spirit. They are simply sheep without a true shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep. But worse yet there are legions of pastoral clergy who are hireling wolves in sheep's clothing. No wonder so many of the lost and found recoil at Christianity it is so Christ-less. Unless they/I die we will neither live, nor produce fruit that gives life. Who then is sufficient for such a demanding journey? No one! Absolutely no one! Therefore we cry, Oh God rescue us, be our strength in our weakness. Help us be obedient even unto death.


To those who are smugly reveling in what you say is my raw insanity or drug induced psychosis; I get it. The reproach dead men must bear is humiliating especially for what is done in Jesus name. But I am not ashamed of the full and true Gospel of Jesus the Christ. I have to look at every phrase I write lest the beast sneak in from within. As I have said: I can raise the dead but it is never pretty. Jesus the Christ has become for oh so many; the errand boy with the mantra "in the name of Jesus." The invitation of Christ is to come and die versus the invitation of Christianity is to come and live and live more abundantly without first our death. Consider this; those whom you scorn that are in Christ, yet are clinging to their life are not necessarily bad. I see them and encourage you to see them as simply immature and in need of your and my death that we might come along beside them and bring to them our Father's holy romanced even lovesick heart. Mom and daughter, "their names I blocked out decades ago" whom I failed are constant reminders to cry out aloud; crucify me Lord, lest by my living once again; evil wins.


Prayerfully dying daily by His grace,


Ron


PS My voice, hated yet sometimes loved, still has a place at the CC. Especially since there is an implied need for population control "choosing who lives and who dies." For those who have no idea of the controversy my pen erupts you can search the CC for radiance and follow the story and judge for yourself. Lastly, I will presumptuously say; of course you are forgiven Krogoth. And knowing that my beastly nature "the prayerfully dead man" can find his way from my pen to your heart, "by my intention and not by my intention" I also (follow on the heels of Krogoth's leading with his unreserved humility) ask your forgiveness.

tom.'s picture
tom.
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Posts: 345
Re: Ron apoligizes too.

Very nice piece Ron.

caroline_culbert's picture
caroline_culbert
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Joined: Oct 2 2008
Posts: 624
Re: Krogoth apoligizes
radiance wrote:

Our eyes are eternally fixed; she lay between my legs on that hot summer day. The heat of her body scorched my hands and face. I strained to understand her mumblings and groans, as the wrenching stench of sizzling flesh and burnt hair filled the afternoon air. A large terrified gasping crowd gathered in a circle sixty feet around, her mother stood among them trembling. In the center isolated by shock it was her and I alone. I had so little to draw upon at that moment. I was fully, ever so fully, insufficient for a moment such as this. Almost four years before, with offense and accusation in my heart, I had dropped the Pearl of great price; the Christ. My chest was heaving and my heart was in my throat. Scrambling to find self-control, I labored so as to gently whisper the sustenance of eternal peace through her ear and into her heart: it's ok, it's ok honey, it's ok you're going home. She moaned and mumbled her last.


She had followed me week after week, one apartment to the next and even one building to the next. The day before it happened, I was under a sink fixing a leak at another building, suddenly she appeared, knelt down beside me, looked up under the sink at my hands and then without any pause, wiggled and rolled across my chest and lay her head next to mine watching as I finished the task. We were friends. She trusted me and at almost three she was oozing the sweet aroma of innocence. Oh my God my Lord, if only I could have seen her mother as I could see her; but I couldn't. I was alive to self and full of darkness.


Mom was easily unlovable. Mom didn't start life that way; she, like all of us, long ago oozed with innocence. But now mom reeked from gangrenous wounds from among other things rejection and disappointment that had gone systemic. She was unkempt, late thirties, chubby. I was the summer maintenance guy in my late twenties. She was always finding something wrong in her apartment for me to come and fix, but wasn't broke. She was always in night cloths, reclining on the couch legs spread; one against the backrest the other leaning against the coffee table, which seemed to always host; a smoldering cig, a half a cup of coffee and an almost empty box of white powdered donut wholes. A rabbit eared TV constantly belched trite soaps, soothing her pain "zone out." Had she been one of the hot leg tenets, I... But she was easy not to desire and just as easy not to care about even to behold with contempt.


I was alive then, living life my way. I played the eros love game well; you meet my desires and needs and I will meet yours coupled with an insatiable appetite for intimate embrace and the consequential sensual delight. In reality I was a shallow self-absorbed ten fingered beast, the quintessence of fallen humanity. Being so full of myself I couldn't unselfishly love what I perceived to be unlovely, I could only love those that I perceived as lovely and loving me. I was not a stereotypical jerk; in fact by far most people liked me. I was much to dignified to demonstrate such shallowness outwardly in my public persona. It's possible that hot summer day 28 years ago never would have happened!


Until sitting at my computer this morning writing this painful story I realized; I have never contemplated my failure and my carelessness in the tragedy, only her mom's evil behavior. I always saw myself as the selfless hurting one who pulled her from the flames. What could have been if only I had been a dead man and was living life for another "the Christ" who himself gave his life as an unselfish act of supreme agape love. Not love as we so commonly use the word where we say in one breath I love ice cream and the next I love you my wife. The English word love is totally defiled. You are right Caroline none of us can love a stranger and incidentally Caroline she would now be thirty-one. The love we live out expects something in return, even from our children. We instinctively nurture our children but even there we can act against instinct, as the mother I speak of, acted against instinct and against even earthly eros love. Mom, with premeditation, murdered her daughter.


Had I have been a dead man, I could have possibly been a conduit from heaven to earth and dressed moms wounds with heaping hot burning coals of Christ's trembling holy romanced heart for her and her alone. Mom was, is still Jesus favorite one and she didn't know that. But I was way to alive to see the need and to look beyond my heartless self-centeredness. Therein, I not only failed mom but by default failed the one who trusted me.


You guys are right about this Christianity thing. But consider this; the enemy of Christ is Christianity! There is a dark religious spirit lording over Christianity. Christianity is a religion full of living souls who for the most part are innocent of the dark agenda. Most Christians were raised in a church. For generations the same old nominal Christian life; wherein one lives abundantly religious but never dies. Dead people intimidate the clergy and threaten their salary. Dead people likewise terrify that set of laity who refuses to die. But millions have simply never really heard the depth of the journey we are all called to by the Holy Spirit. They are simply sheep without a true shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep. But worse yet there are legions of pastoral clergy who are hireling wolves in sheep's clothing. No wonder so many of the lost and found recoil at Christianity it is so Christ-less. Unless they/I die we will neither live, nor produce fruit that gives life. Who then is sufficient for such a demanding journey? No one! Absolutely no one! Therefore we cry, Oh God rescue us, be our strength in our weakness. Help us be obedient even unto death.


To those who are smugly reveling in what you say is my raw insanity or drug induced psychosis; I get it. The reproach dead men must bear is humiliating especially for what is done in Jesus name. But I am not ashamed of the full and true Gospel of Jesus the Christ. I have to look at every phrase I write lest the beast sneak in from within. As I have said: I can raise the dead but it is never pretty. Jesus the Christ has become for oh so many; the errand boy with the mantra "in the name of Jesus." The invitation of Christ is to come and die versus the invitation of Christianity is to come and live and live more abundantly without first our death. Consider this; those whom you scorn that are in Christ, yet are clinging to their life are not necessarily bad. I see them and encourage you to see them as simply immature and in need of your and my death that we might come along beside them and bring to them our Father's holy romanced even lovesick heart. Mom and daughter, "their names I blocked out decades ago" whom I failed are constant reminders to cry out aloud; crucify me Lord, lest by my living once again; evil wins.


Prayerfully dying daily by His grace,


Ron


PS My voice, hated yet sometimes loved, still has a place at the CC. Especially since there is an implied need for population control "choosing who lives and who dies." For those who have no idea of the controversy my pen erupts you can search the CC for radiance and follow the story and judge for yourself. Lastly, I will presumptuously say; of course you are forgiven Krogoth. And knowing that my beastly nature "the prayerfully dead man" can find his way from my pen to your heart, "by my intention and not by my intention" I also (follow on the heels of Krogoth's leading with his unreserved humility) ask your forgiveness.

 

Ron,

What you have written is very nice, but doesn't account for the generality of problems we face today.  A niche amongst all religions may win many hearts and soul but wrestles with the other thousands of religious niches in the world.  I do not need nor ask for your forgiveness if you were to offer it to me.  I only ask for your cooperation, religion aside, to help in the same cause I believe we trust in.  That cause is the reason we are communicating on this particular site-- I think.  When I said this: "you stay in your corner and we'll stay in ours"; what I meant is for all of us to leave religion out of the solution.  This not only includes Christianity, but all the other thousands out there.  If I accepted religion as part of the solution to our problems we would only a) start arguing over which religion to adopt as part of our solutions b) waste our time arguing about religion instead of what's really important; that which is for the reasons we are on this site.  I think my bottom line is that productive arguing (which is a good thing) requires that religious differences are irrelevant to the general problems of the world.  Of course we have huge problems involving religions, of the world, but I think that is the very reason why religion should be left at your front door as you walk into these forums.

caroline_culbert

Let us both lay down our swords before our feet and then we might have the opportunity to solve our differences.- Caroline

Ray Hewitt's picture
Ray Hewitt
Status: Gold Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 5 2008
Posts: 458
Re: Krogoth apoligizes

Krogoth

Let's forget it. Peace.

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