Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill

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laura welsh
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Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill

Depression, marriage problems since I took the red pill…

 

I have two questions for the members of this blog, whom I respect greatly. I have never post on a blog in my life, but am desperate for ideas. These questions appear unrelated, but hopefully will make sense after the explanation below.

 

1) have any of you had marriage problems since you became aware, and how are you dealing with them?

2) would you cash out your pension?

 

I am a 50 year old sheeple housewife. Until August 24th, 2009, I was a happy person. Good marriage, 4 lovely children (23, 21, 19, 15), beautiful home on 3 acres in small town , friends, hobbies,  pets, the whole enchilada. Our only debt is our home (sizable at 273K, but we’re not upside down or anything), Was looking forward to very comfortable retirement, travel with my husband, and enjoying my future grandchildren.

 

On August 24th, came across a book outlining upcoming deflationary depression. Found it fascinating. Kept reading, got more panicked, started scouring the internet, and basically fell down an irreversible rabbit hole. Don’t think I’m a deflationist anymore, but who knows? I have inhabited this rabbit hole for less than 4.5 months, and everything is different down here.

 

Now I watch business channels, read Zerohedge, Jim Sinclair, Mish, Kitco, Denninger, Automatic Earth, and am a paying member of Chris’ blog, which has taught me so very much (thank you!) Have read up on Zimbabwe, Argentina, Weimar, etc.

 

In 4.5 months, I have stockpiled #10 cans of 30 yr wheat, beans, etc. bought a grinder, have closets full of food, attics full of TP and paper towels, drawers full of medicines and toiletries, serious amounts of fuel, propane stove, generator, water barrels in the garage, a water filter (recommended by Chris, naturally) batteries..you name it, I now have it or it’s on my list of things to buy.

 

I gave away my two horses, planted a 20ftx10ft garden (small, I know, but have to start somewhere), three fruit trees, a blackberry patch, own a 23 Qt pressure canner, and learned to can, had a complete energy audit of the house, installed security blinds, CFL’s in every socket, and installed a 3kw solar pv with a 5kw inverter so I can hopefully upgrade next summer. I plan to use the horse stall for the chickens I plan to buy this spring.

 

I now own two guns (we have never been gun people); a 357 and a shotgun, and enough ammo, I hope. Pulled our non-tied-up money out of big bank, work mainly on cash basis where possible, and have modest amounts of physical gold, silver rounds, and junk silver. Pulled our 403b retirement monies out of equities October 1st, sitting in money market, because, for the life of me, I don’t know what else to do with it!

 

OK, enough background, here’s the problem. Yesterday (Jan 3rd) I read a zerohedge article about how the government proposal re: suspending  access to your money market funds, and asked my husband to read it. He pretty much blew a gasket. My husband has gone along with my above preps, but does not believe any of this will happen. He believes that my teacher’s retirement pension is secure, that his civil service pension is secure, that the money in the 403b is secure, etc. He is fairly peeved at me that he has lost money in the stock market since we pulled it out of equities and into money market October 1st. FYI, he cannot retire for 3 years, and that money has to stay there.  He refuses to read anything that I have read (in his defense, he is very busy with his job, and does not want to learn all this stuff, and HAS supported my preps). He said I am living a fear-based life (well, DUH), and that I need psychological help (can’t argue with him there, either, except to say I really was fine, and a LOT  MORE FUN TO BE AROUND before August 24th!)

 

I miss being a sheeple, but know I cannot unring this bell. I know I am not any fun anymore. I miss my old life. These days, I don’t sleep well, I have been grinding my teeth, I refuse to spend money on stuff I used to think was ok to spend on, and probably am drinking too much wine (half a bottle a day, every day!) My problem, I guess, is that my husband and I don’t really have the red pill thing in common, and that’s a HUGE disconnect in our lives.

 

Question #1

Does anyone on this blog have any advice for me? Thanks in advance for anything you can throw my way. I truly respect the members of this blog.

 

Question #2.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out if I should cash out my modest pension and buy PMs with it. It’s only 77K, but my pension is not in great shape (69% funded, is making unrealistic 8% return assumptions, and has deferred 16M in debt). I swear, there is NOBODY I can ask this question to….our “financial advisor” is such a nice guy, but takes blue pills ever morning at breakfast. Would hate to miss the opportunity to get out before the wealth trap door slams shut (pension would provide 15K annually from age 55 until death). Husband says I have to make this decision by myself. I feel so alone.

 

Thank you. I apologize for the lengthy post.

 

 

 

plato1965's picture
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

 Think of your different viewpoints as a hedge against uncertainty.. he'll do fine if it's "business as usual", you'll do fine if it isn't..

 There are two ways approach to preparation...

 1) Fear / analysis based, lots of facts, and radical action plans.. a basement stocked with MRE's and AK47's..

 2) Aiming for positives, fresher vegetables and fruit, a water filter "for cleaner purer water", a wood stove that's soooo romantic !

  So it's possible to be a sensible survivalist, without taking the romance out of life...

 Maybe get some silver candlesticks and cutlery... but try not to pay too much over spot for them... *grin*

 

 

 

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Welcome Laura,

You've asked:

1) have any of you had marriage problems since you became aware, and how are you dealing with them?

No, because soon after taking the red pill myself, my wife started hearing it from other sources besides me. She knew there was trouble brewing when a family friend, a very gentle man with a large family not known for rash decisions, bought a gun and PM's; totally uncharacteristic. Since that point she's on board with the program. But before that I didn't push too hard. Take whatever leeway you can get, but know your (his) limits. It seems like he has given you wide latitude, which is a huge benefit, so do what you can without pissin' him off too much! Don't get depressed, instead be cheerful.

You say that you can't sleep? I should think that with all the preps you achieved in such a short period of time you'de be sleeping like a baby! Congratulations! Drinking too much wine? Drink only in celebration that you're a step ahead of the crowd!

my husband and I don’t really have the red pill thing in common, and that’s a HUGE disconnect in our lives.

Then downplay the disconnect, and accentuate the things in your life that you have in common, especially family. Don't be obsessive, do your preps quietly, but not in secret. Don't ever hide anything, just don't make them front and center in your life. Be upbeat and positive; be of good cheer. You have good reason to be so. You are prepared!! And you have a good life. Hubby's still on the blue pill, but you're not, which gives you the opportunity to prepare for both of you. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to do this for him. Go for it!

I am not competent to give financial advice except to tell you what you obviously already have concluded and that is to get out of dollar denominated assets. Hubby says to make the decision on your pension alone, that's a blessing to have that freedom on a decision that should be a mutual one. Take the ball and run with it, you are more informed than you may be giving yourself credit for.

I feel so alone.

You are not, it only feels that way.

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

1) Yes

2)I did over a two year period and I adjusted my tax burden to keep from being bumped a tax bracket. But if I had it to do over, I might consider a Roth and self direct my money to purchase an "investment" property.

I am not suggesting you do the same.

You can call White Oak Financial and talk to Laura. She's taken the red pill, but has a successful financial management company. (What a crazy place to be in huh? You know your business is most likely toast yet you can't quit 'cause you're good at it.) You won't get any direct advice due to legalities, but theory might be enough to get your head cleared some. PM me for the number if you want it.

Regarding #1

Shut up. Quit talking about it. Do your thing privately. And quit panicking. It serves no purpose. I think every person on this forum has been there and many of us still flirt with it on a regular basis. I know I do. But I do not tell Nancy.

And Nancy's money is Nancy's money. If she wants to keep playing it her way, fine. I'd rather her not, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her, rich or poor. BTW, she did read a Wall Street Journal article that said it was prudent to put 10% of her finances in precious metals, Laura said physical gold is good and our accountant said it would not negatively affect our taxes. So she did, and she's looking forward to selling it for a profit. Fine. 10% is better than nothing.

Keep planning, tell the family and friends it's just in case of short term job loss or illness. Like a fire extinguisher or spare tire. You can't protect everybody, but you can plan and buy for your family. 

If you don't have Barbara Salisbury's book Preparedness Principles, get it and have hubby read the introduction telling what all their family went through in one year. Illnesses, moving, land scam, theft......and they were able to deal with it because they were a little prepared.

Good luck. Vent here. We understand.

Darn red pill.

PS: If you cut back to drinking 1/4 bottle a day, you'll have that much more in your food storage. I switched to smaller glasses and smaller portions. I still have two glasses but they equal one big one and I've been putting one bottle a month away for six months now. And I don't tell Nancy. Boy will she be pleased if TEOTWAWKI does comeSmile

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Hi Laura,

I'm impressed at how much you've achieved in 4 1/2 months actually!  Not to mention the speed with which you "got it".....  I've been "onto" Limits to Growth for fifteen years, Peak Oil for around ten, and the economic collapse for around five, so my wife has had a lot of time to adapt fortunately, and she now is 100% behind our preparation, and is in fact trying to convert her own sister and her family, trying to get them to buy the land next door to build a liferaft......

I'm no financial advisor, but to me it's obvious pension funds are going down the gurggler.....  my wife turns 55 this year, and she can cash in her superannuation (as we call these things in Australia) but we won't be using the money to buy PMs, we'll pay off ALL our debts (not much really..) and increase our water storage, finish fencing, oh and finish the house!

Personally I think it's more important to set yourself up so you can live with no income (we currently live off $200 a week) but of course we do not have the burden of four children....  Are your adult children on board yet?  Ours are and they know that WTSHTF they will live with us to help us run the place.....  and yes, they find that prospect scary!

Good luck....  I truly don't know what else to tell you, except hang in there, it will soon become obvious evenr to your DH that it's all going pear shaped fast.

Mike

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

I think earthwise nailed it.

The only thing I would add is this. When I first 'took the red pill' I was talking about what I had discovered to whomever would listen. Then I realized I sounded like 'that guy'. You know the guy that just got born again and is on a mission to convert everyone.

Once I realized this I just shut up. The people who want to know will know.

I don't think you should be depressed you seem to have everything in play. I just wouldn't talk about it with your husband anymore unless he brings it up. I'm sure you two have lots of things in common. Just focus on those things and be fun again. You've done your due diligence now relax.

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Dear Laura,

Even the most pessimistic forcasters say that the US has several years before a date with hyperinflation or currecy crisis.  First of all, take a breath.

Next, I'd like to second everything that earthwise has said.

The best advice that I can give is to stop making decisions from a place of fear.  That's probably some of the worst advice ever given, since how does one stop being afraid when they are confronted with something scary?  I'm not sure, but I know that it is necessary.

Security was never guaranteed - even when you were among the "sheepke," as you put it, there were risks.  Your secure retirement was never guaranteed.  Any one of us could be run over by a bus tomorrow.  But did you live your life in fear?  Of course not.  The economic problems of the United States are not the end of the world - they simply add another dimension to the risk.

Now, think about what in life makes you happy.  What can you buy with money that makes you happy?  Or is it being with the people you love, having your health, and doing the things that you enjoy what really brings you happiness?  You are afraid because you are terrified of losing what you have convinced yourself you need - money.  But you don't really need it.  See this recent BBC poll: Nigeria Tops Happiness Survey

That's right.  A country torn by civil war and full of people who are dirt poor is happier than the United States.  No matter what happens in the United States, we can be happy as individuals.

I'm not advocating a fatalistic viewpoint.  Reasonable preparations can be made;  make them.  But never allow fear to control you.  (1) Accept the risks.  Risk is part of life.  (2)  Prepare for the risks best you can.  (3) Visualize the worst that can possibly happen, and how you could get by and still find joy in life.  If you do this often enough, fear should lose its effect, because you will know that you are mentally in control of your life.

Chris Martenson wrote:

Six years ago, I began to address these questions for myself and my family. I'll be honest; my first motivation came from a place of fear and worry. I worried that I could not predict when and where an economic collapse might begin. I fretted that the pace of the change would overwhelm the ability of our key social institutions and support systems to adapt and provide. I darkly imagined what might happen if a Katrina-sized financial storm swept through the banking system. I was caught up in fear.

But I am no longer in that frame of mind. Here, six years later, I am in a state of acceptance about what the future might bring (although I am concerned), and I have made it my life's work to help others achieve a similar measure of peace. While I am quite uncertain about what might unfold and when, I am positive that anyone can undertake some basic preparations relatively cheaply, and will feel better for having done so.

I am passionately interested in helping others to gracefully adapt their lifestyles and adjust their expectations to a very different looking sort of future. I have no interest in scaring you further, or having you approach the future with trepidation, anxiety or fear. Quite the opposite. I want to let you know that adjusting and adapting can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling journeys you could undertake. It has been so for our family.

Just so you have a sense of the scope and the pace of these changes in our lives I should mention that in 2003 I was a VP at a Fortune 300 company, 42 years of age with three young children (the oldest was 9), living in a six bedroom waterfront house, and by every conventional measure I had it all. Today I no longer have that house, that job, or that life. My "standard of living" is a fraction of what it formerly was, but my quality of life has never been higher. We live in a house less than half the size of our former house, my beloved boat is gone, and we have a garden and chickens in the backyard.

Now, what to do about your husband?  If you disagree about how to handle your money, you will have to do one of two things: (1) Compromise, or (2) Separate your money so that each of you is responsible for managing part of it.  But take it easy on him and know that he may have his limits.  This might be frustrating for you, but the only thing I can suggest is that in the 3 -odd decades that you have on the earth, a happy family life might bring more happiness than the extra money ever could.

Whether or not I cashed out a pension would depend on a number of things such as tax consequences.  If it would bump me into a higher tax bracket, I probably wouldn't do it all in one year.  If I had decided to cash out a pension fund, I would do it gradually over a period of two or three years, and divide the money between precious metals and foreign currency CD's (such as those available from everbank.com).  Remember that any preparations that you make will put you far ahead of most people.

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Hi Laura,

As Captain Sheeple, I just wanted to say that the flock misses you and that we want you back! 

Your depression is a direct result of you acting to take responsibility for your future. Please abandon all such nonsense immediately and put your full faith into the bankers and their political puppets. There is safety and security in the herd. Conform or perish!!!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, so I hope you know I was joking. Seriously, that was the best initial post/thread that I have ever read here. We should be asking you for advice.

I find it amazing that someone of your obvious intelligence has not been part of the conversation in this community. We need to rectify this situation. Can I ask why it took you so long to post?

Thanks...Jeff

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Laura --

Holy guacamole are YOU the fast-acting agent!  4-1/2 months and you've gotten all that done?  Take a bow...

Much fine advice above and I don't believe I can improve upon it.  IMO re the pension, I'll liken it to my opinion on Social Security:  I'm 45 now, and in my heart I know I will never claim a dime (or if I do, it'll be in a time when $1000/mo will buy, say, 1 bag of groceries or $10 gals of gas due to inflation).  If I could cash out of SS I would.  But that's just my opinion.

Keep in mind you are already ahead of 99% of the population.  It took my wife the better part of a year to take the red pill.  But she got there.  

Hang in there.  It helps me (when I'm feeling angsty about TEOTWAWKI) to simply stop, observe the world, and appreciate the little things -- especially if they happen to be little things that might go away (say, watching a couple of friends in a coffee shop just gabbing and smiling without a care in the world, or going to the movies with my wife and eating popcorn and so forth).  Getting out in nature and unplugging also helps a lot.

Best of luck.  Keep us posted.

Viva -- Sager

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Laura,

Welcome to the forums, and congratulations on an interesting first post!

I don't have much to add to the other great advice you have already received. I will admit that I have also found that there is a very fine line between enlightening those we love and annoying them. I have no problems with these items in my marriage, but in my extended family, it is much more challenging. In the last 1-1/2 years or so, the balance I have struck is to share information with friends and family when asked, but otherwise try to be my more or less normal self (if I could ever be considered "normal", that is). All of my family and close friends are aware of my concerns, and I have found that when one has a question, they will ask, and hopefully I can help. As with religion, you simply cannot force your beliefs upon others.

Take joy in your everyday life, with your husband and children, and try to be the same person you have always been; just now one who is more aware and taking action. Balance is always key.

I have no guidance to offer regarding your pension, as I am wrestling with the same concerns with regard to our 401Ks. Like you, I have gotten out of the stock market and have put all of our investments in money market funds, but cannot decide what to do with them beyond that. If I take them out, I will lose 50% in fees and taxes, but I am still considering that option. I'll be following this thread to see what other advice your receive in this regard.

Christopher

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

I feel so alone

Try being a single dad fully responsible for two little kids (6 and 8), like I am.  But like Chris says, you have to trust yourself.  And then you start kicking some ass.  We are all capable of so much, but often it doesn't come out until a huge challenge like this appears.

BTW - I too am very impressed with what you've accomplished so quickly.

 

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Laura,

Take a deep breath!  It sounds to me like you have a lot of things going for you. 

  1. You are established in a rural community.
  2. You have friends in the community.
  3. You own land.
  4. You have started making preperations (and are quite well along for 4 months).
  5. Relavtively small amount of debt.

You are already better prepared than 99% of the population.  There is no amount of preperation that can give you 100% security so don't let this become an obsession and have it cost you your marriage.  Don't forget you also need to live you life right now.

I have been on this site for more than a year and I wish I was as 1/4 as ready as you already are.  I know where you are coming from mentally is not a pleasant place.  I am personally stuck in the burbs with a wife and kids and still don't know a single person (including family) that shares my fears about the future.  My current situation seems too good to make major changes right now and by the time I am truly ready, it will most likely be too late.

I also have money in a 401k and IRA and have been worried about their safety.  The problem with tapping them is the penalties and  tax consequences might be just too much to bear unless you are convinced that the collapse is immenent. 

Keep in mind that some people around here may have completely cashed out more than a decade ago ( Y2K / peak oil / ... ).  I sometimes wonder if they may have lost their perspective on the possiblity that the current system can keep going a lot longer than would seem logically possible and they may almost secretly hope for a collapse as a form of self validation.

It is always good to prepare for the worst but I also think you should at least try and hope for the best.  Good luck!

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Hello Laura,

 

  I like your honesty, and this thread is a great benchmark for all preparedness and relationship topics. I'd like to share a few thoughts. 

 

  You are more prepared for any man-made or natural disaster than 98% of the people you see on the street. Take a moment to let that sink in. That's a big accomplishment. Prior to that - in your sheeple days - you managed debt very well, maintained a dual income career track, and raised a healthy family. Again, not an easy task. You are BADASS! Very well done.

 

  You've reached your husband's economic collapse limit and he let you know it. You can assume he's noticed the wine, the teeth-grinding, the often furrowed brow of worry and discontent also. I'll bet he's concerned about those more than the retirement accounts.

 

  My wife went along with the 7 4x4 square foot gardening boxes, water filtration, back-up generator, food prep (3 months, for the two of us), pistol and minimal ammo, reserve cash, and I went to the CC seminar in VA last April. She then let me know it was time to back off...so I did. I just let the rest go. From here on, we'll do our best with what we've got.

 

  The retirement savings thing seems to be sticking in your craw a bit. Perhaps the wine and teeth-grinding are symptoms of that field that you never got plowed. I advise you to just let it go by putting your husband back on point for retirement fund investing. He'll do fine. Just set that burden right on his shoulders and take a long break from it. Don't talk or think about it again until Easter. Focus your attention elsewhere. It's his baby unless he asks for your advice, then by all means jump back in.

 

  The food and skills you've gathered are far more valuable in my opinion. By all means continue with the chickens, gardening and canning. Those are great things to develop friendships and community around (composting club anyone?), not a big hairy disaster prep task. 

 

  Here's a small recommendation: You didn't mention whether you do any physical fitness activities. There are lots of fully integrated DVD series that you can do at home, at a reasonable price. ChaLEAN Extreme is just one example to get you started with resistance training with very little equipment. On nutrition, look at Tony Gonzalez' "The All Pro Diet". I guarantee your husband knows who Tony Gonzalez is. It is mostly a plant based diet...from an all-pro football player...How can that be? Exercise helps regulate mood. Proper diet is essential for ...ahem... those of us at a certain age. My wife and I turned 50 last year. We work out together and it's been a great morale builder.

 

Just my 2 cents,

Paul

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Don't worry: Once you alert your husband that he lost 10k, 20k or whatever the amount WILL be and give him that "Told ya" the first thing he will ask you is where you are hiding the red pill.

I cashed out of all paper, we paid taxes like I have never paid taxes, it pushed us into the worst bracket. My motto, something is better than nothing.

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Ah yes, those were the days - It took my better half seeing Crude Awakening (AKA Crude Impact) to realize living in the real world didn't have time for playing video games, parties, dinners out, traveling and movies after retirement. All it took was saying "honey you gotta see this!" and he was on-board.

I think your uncomfortable feelings are normal for how short a time you have taken the red pill. It's a huge step and once taken - you can never go back - only deeper into the rabbit hole. Your family and friends will eventually come to realize you are not who they thought they you were and may or may not take your seriously. Don't waiver. and don't say more. When they need you - you will be there and you will be ready for whatever comes next.

But know this - you are a brave woman and you are not just doing this for yourself. You do this for your husband and your family's safety. That's why you panic - you obviously feel you are not ready for this and have been making a mad dash to once again feel safe and in control. It gets easier after you have your plan and act on it. Constantly work on priorizing your plan and keep the faith. Most on this site have been there, done that and are just as ready as you are.  Play Your End Game and Play it Well.

Peace - EGP

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

LW,

A link for you to the Peak Oil Blues (POB) blog site.  A few mental health specialists have gathered together to provide information, help, feedback from a professional mental health viewpoint pertaining to our never-before-encountered predicament.  Also there is a page of jokes, rather old but good for belly laughs nonetheless.    Maybe you'd like to start learning how to make your own wine?

 
 
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Just wanted to add a couple things, Laura:

1.  Don't get caught up in trying to Control things;  there is no Controlling it.  Imagine you're surfing a very large wave.  You cannot control that very large wave.  You can only hope to surf it well.  Go YouTube some North Shore Hawai`i Pipeline videos.  Just prepare to ride the wave.

2.  Re: what other people (spouse, friends/family, whoever) think:  check the line in my sig:  "One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice."

Viva -- Sager

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...
SagerXX wrote:

Imagine you're surfing a very large wave.  

sorry, I couldn't resist.

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Laura

I also commend you on the preparations you've made.  You are incredibly efficient and have done twice as much as I have in half the time.  I think it is fine to enjoy yourself some.  Go out to the movies or to a nice dinner.  Enjoy some time with your husband.  Just always keep in the back of your mind that change is ahead of us and keep on quietly and consistently making preparations.  And don't get frustrated.  Nobody can be completely prepared. 

i did bump heads with my wife over this issue.  For a while, she probably thought I lost my marbles.  After a year of slowly exposing my wife to various reading materials, she finally took the red pill.  I think to some degree at some level, your husband understands that things are not well.  We will be seeing more economic shocks this year and that will continue to peck away at his belief system.  You can carefully use those opportunities to further educate him.  I would try to be like Chris Martenson when presenting him with new information.  Provide your husband with the facts, but remain unemotional.  Let him come to his own conclusions.

Brian

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

JAG: Is that the video of the spouse who doesn't listen and or the doing nothing husband and wife combo unit?

Laura, my wife had one foot in my insane boat - until she lost a chunk of her money. For the record, it was the only time in my 18 year marriage that I was ever right about anything!Wink

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SagerXX
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...
Davos wrote:

JAG: Is that the video of the spouse who doesn't listen and or the doing nothing husband and wife combo unit?

That video shows the *good* result.  The bad result (i.e. no prep or awareness of coming changes) would result in falling off one's board at about the 48 second mark...

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

You are certainly well on your way with preparations. It sounds like you may have been making all these preparations and looking at them as an overwhelming amount of work to accomplish in a short period of time. Anxiety has set in. I don't think anyone will ever be fully prepared regardless of how much time we have available. Better prepared, yes, fully prepared, no.

You mentioned that you started a garden. Most people find gardening pleasurable and a source of great stress relief. You gain the benefit of providing high quality, nutritious foods for your family but don't forget to enjoy the gardening experience. Take a gardening course and enjoy it as an evening out with the added benefit of increasing your self sufficiency. I took some courses on organic gardening and the more you learn the more fascinating it becomes. There is more life under the soil than above it!

Since you are a teacher you probably enjoy the learning process. The red pill has opened up a whole new world for you to explore. Overwhelming at first but now you are presented with vast opportunities to increase your practical knowledge. Look for areas of enjoyment in your new found interests. You have progressed a long way in a very short time and should enjoy some satisfaction from your accomplishments thus far.

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ao
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Laura,

You are an amazing woman.  It is simply incredible what you've accomplished in that period of time.  As everyone recognizes here, you are better prepared than 99% of the population, maybe 99.9%.  As someone else said, you just need to seek some balance.  The heavy wine consumption is obviously not good nor is the teeth grinding.  Eat healthily, exercise, meditate, and breathe to disperse stress.  Quite frankly, a little bit of counselling may not be a bad idea to help you through this.  As someone else said, hubby doing his thing is actually a way of hedging your bets.  He's obviously been pushed to his limit and is balking.  Give him some time.   I'd take Nickbert's excellent advice here about knowing what to do about your pension.  It's a crap shoot but the tummy knows what's best for you psychologically.

http://www.peakprosperity.com/comment/63136#comment-63136

You're going to get through this just fine ... you're an obviously intelligent and hard working survivor.  And you're not alone.  Many of us here have gone through the same thing more or less and, to some extent, still are.  You can reframe this situation just like a roller coast ride.  It can be terrifying or thrilling, depending upon your perspective.  Prayer doesn't hurt either (hope I don't get bonked by the mod).   

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Every so often I begin to have doubts. My SO does not understand, does not want to understand and thinks I'm crazy to be buying PMs and ammo. Then I read the post from Laura with all of your responses and my faith was restored. Taking the red pill can isolate you from your friends and family, so a forum like this is great support.

ccpetersmd made the following comment:

[quote=ccpetersmd

"I have no guidance to offer regarding your pension, as I am wrestling with the same concerns with regard to our 401Ks. Like you, I have gotten out of the stock market and have put all of our investments in money market funds, but cannot decide what to do with them beyond that. If I take them out, I will lose 50% in fees and taxes, but I am still considering that option. I'll be following this thread to see what other advice your receive in this regard." ]

I too have been wrestling with this problem as I have very significant percentage of my retirement funds in a 401(k) plan. At my age I don't pay a 10% penalty to withdraw, but I will pay 30%+ taxes unless I roll it over into an IRA. Right now I have the beginning of a plan which goes as follows: 

I have already put all the 401(k) assets into a Money Market fund.

The next move is to open a Precious Metals IRA (at Sterling Trust). Then I do a rollover from the 401(k) into the P.M. IRA to fund it. I can then arrange for Sterling to buy my choice of gold, platinum, or silver in coins or bars. The Physical metal will be stored at the Delaware Depository Service Company vault.

Does anyone see any flaws in this plan or would I be better to take the hit, buy PM with the proceeds and bury it in my yard?

 

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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

    Ok, so you really do know how this works ....  You leave a copy of Mother Earth News and the Survival Popular Machanic Magazines in the Bathroom  by the pot .....  You do not say a thing .        Then When he thinks it is ALL his idea  you are home free ! Wink

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THANKS from the depressed red pill lady with marriage probs!

I wrote yesterday about fear, etc. Read the posts yesterday, just read them again this morning, this time taking notes. You peeps are really smart, not just about preps and money, but you are also great armchair psychologists! Thanks so much (sincerely) for sharing your wisdom.

Also, thanks for compliments on my progress to date  Remember, I am a HOUSEWIFE, with lots of discretionary time(I have also purchased a huge freezer, insulated the attic to R39, and procured a food saver, and am jar-vacing everything in sight!) Some of you may wonder where the heck all that disposable income came from...I cashed out an IRA last September...hopefully the tax savings/credits from the solar panels will adequately offset the IRA tax hit.

So much of my fear is for my children. When the foundation shifts under my feet (and it shifts more and more as I read and learn about the economy, environment, energy) I think about how to protect my kids....I was "suddenly" poor for a portion of my childhood, and although I did not like it, I am good at it, and could do it again. I feel embarrassed and guilty about the future I might leave my children though, and they are such an entitled (yet sweet) bunch of kids, and may not (yet) have my resiliency. Add that to the massive list of things to teach them...

Your responses teach me to be a sensible survivalist, quit trying to control things I cannot control, to not push my husband, that he cares more about my sanity and health than our retirement accounts, to remain unemotional, not to be "that guy" who tries to convince others, to appreciate now those things that might go away, that I only have about three decades of life left, and that focus on my happy family is way more important than extra money, get out of dollar assets as best possible, and to move toward trying to live well on little or no income, and to continue to pray.  My control freak personality compels me to cover all bases NOW...I need to slow down, becasue anxiety helps nothing.  All fabulous advice, thanks again!

Chris Martensen members are really funny too! I loved the ideas of buying silver candlesticks (why didn't I think of that?), putting survivalist literature next to the toilet for my husband to read, so it will become HIS idea, the video of "riding the wave", or just waiting til my spouse loses 20K, then he will be asking for red pills, and I can say "told ya!"

Would like to share a story thatwas very meaningful to me...one day I went into a feed store, desperate for supplies. The owner must have seen my fear, and introduced me to a friend, who had another friend, and next thing you know, I found myself in a nearby major city, at a cannery owned by the Church of the Latter Day Saints. This place looked like something from the movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (where they hid the ark at the end of the movie). For eight hours I worked harder than I have ever worked, hauling bags, filling cans, making boxes, affixing labels, etc. Walked out of there with a treasure of 30 year food! Next day, while emptying the dishwasher, my back went out (previous injury), but it was worth it.  These same nice people taught me to can, showed me their home, where food is "hidden in plain sight" and are trying to get me to make a "bug out bag", but I canot get my mind around the idea of leaving home....

I am going to cheer up so I don't drive my husband batshit. He deserves better...BTW, I did not plant the garden, he did...he is a horticulturist (lucky me!)

 

 

 

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Lemonyellowschwin
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

An apt post from a guy named "Full Moon."

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Damnthematrix
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

errr...  if my memory serves me right (no longer that often..) I think you'll find Full Moon's a woman...  :-)  I think it unlikely "a guy" could come up with a clever idea like that one!

Mike

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Ken C
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...
Boomer41 wrote:

 

The next move is to open a Precious Metals IRA (at Sterling Trust). Then I do a rollover from the 401(k) into the P.M. IRA to fund it. I can then arrange for Sterling to buy my choice of gold, platinum, or silver in coins or bars. The Physical metal will be stored at the Delaware Depository Service Company vault.

Does anyone see any flaws in this plan or would I be better to take the hit, buy PM with the proceeds and bury it in my yard?

 

Boomer,

 

That is pretty much what I did. I took half of mine and rolled over to Sterling IRA. I bought PM and glad I did. Sterling seems to be a good company. Like you I am over 60 so there would not be the 10% penalty to withdraw but since I am still working I just can't bring myself to suffer the serious tax hit to take it out. The thought of taking the money and paying the tax is becoming more and more an option though.

With the Sterling account you can take delivery in kind if you want.  In other words you take delivery of PM  instead of cash. You still have to pay the taxes though. No way to get around that.

 

Ken

 

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littlefeatfan
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Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Hi Laura, this is my first post as well and in a similar situation. I have been reading all the blogs for a while now and probably spend 2 hrs a day reading internet resources. I decided the best thing I can do other than what I can do personally and for my family is to start reaching out locally. I am starting to follow the Transition Town methodology and starting to organize locally. Even though I face many challenges in the suburbs I am finding people locally through meetup.com and writing letters to the editor in the local paper. This is giving me a sense of accomplishment and at least I am trying to make positive change for my kids. I recommend picking up a copy of the Transition handbook by Rob Hopkins. I am inspired by your actions so far. 

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mooselick7
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Posts: 192
Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red ...

Im getting on a plane in 10 minutes so here is the nutshell version:

- Google "peakshrink" and write Kathy.  She is a CM fan and has been very understanding and helpful.

- If the money is YOUR money, then you can invest it anyway you see fit right?  Putting your money into PMs will preserve your wealth by keeping pace with inflation.  Consider an investment that provides income and protection.  For me that means a duplex to rent out for you that may mean something else.  Consider getting out of debt with your home.

-  The investments in time and money you have made are all recoverable.  (Google "Alpha Strategy"  and read that e-book.)  You have changed your resiliance factor by 1000%  If you are wrong, it wont really cost you that much in the long run.   You are leveraging your time and a little capital but not much relative to the resiliance you have created for your family.

I sometimes wished I had taken the blue pill.  This is the only place I can socialize and feel a part of a community.  My suggestion is to visit this group and get recharged.  Otherwise respect your hubby's path...everyone has one.

- Wanna get married?  Im already married but I think that is okay in UT.Tongue outMany cudos for the work you have done!

Bon Voyage!

 

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