The Definitive Humor Thread

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sustainble taser

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From The Onion,

From The Onion, http://www.theonion.com/articles/drunken-ben-bernanke-tells-everyone-at-neighborhoo,21059/

Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

August 3, 2011 | ISSUE 47•31

 <img src="http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/21/21059/Drunken_Ben-R_jpg_600x345_crop-smart_upscale_q85.jpg" />

(so what am I doing wrong to insert the image?)

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Who Owns America?

 

                                 .CHINA  &  USA.

Who??  Food for thought!!!

 

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Scapegoating China

Have you noticed all the xenophobia, fearmongering, etc. being exploited and capitalized on in the media lately?

China has become a buzzword whenever the National Debt is mentioned.

The truth is, China and Hong Kong together own about 7.5% of the National Debt and is seeking to reduce that number. This is hardly a majority when private American individual investors and American mutual funds and pension funds and other institutions collectively own 42% of it, and the Social Security "Trust Fund" owns another 18%. By way of comparison, Japan owns rougly 6.5%, and the U.S. Civil Service Retirement fund owns 6%.

Now I'm no fan of China. Or Mexico. Or any of a lot of countries where our jobs are going. I believe in buying American whenever possible. (One reason I refuse to wear Nike or Reebok, etc. If New Balance shoes can be made in the United States, then obviously it is possible to make money by manufacturing in America. And I'd rather see workers paid than overpaid athletes getting million-dollar endorsements. Think about it: Tiger's $50 million endorsement deal is enough to hire 1,000 workers at middle class wages for one year, or 200 such workers for 5 years. But who's making the decisions to use Third World labor? It's not the "docile" Nike factory workers in Malaysia.)

But , these cartoons aren just less amusing, they are also an "innocent" sign of things to come. I'm quite certain that a few more years down the line, we'll see more political cartoons that will be more "daring". Perhaps similar to what was being published in German media of Jews in the very early 1930s, or in American media of Blacks up until the late 1950s.

Poet

 

Damnthematrix wrote:

 

                                 .CHINA  &  USA.

Who??  Food for thought!!!

 

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eTrade baby video. Priceless!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6oNJHvExBI&feature=player_embedded

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Felonius Munk: Stop It B! OBAMA PAY YOUR &*%$#% BILLS

Language warning, but the man is right on target.

Part of me says you should think twice before letting your kids watch this, the other part thinks you should, since your grandchildren are going to inherit the problem....

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Jon Stewart - On Ron Paul

This is just brilliant.

 

 

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Did you hear?

Detroit is so bad off that Haiti is throwing them a benefit concert…

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good one
safewrite wrote:

Detroit is so bad off that Haiti is throwing them a benefit concert…

LOL  Thanks safewrite.  I'll be using that one tomorrow since Detroit is often a topic of conversation for Michiganders as in, "I never go down to Detroit without carrying.".

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A few good central bankers

Here was a funny ( at least I thought so ) imaginary conversation between Jean-Claude Trichet ( head of the European Central Bank ) and a reporter.

http://ftalphaville.ft.com/blog/2011/09/08/672756/a-few-good-central-ban...

 

Reporter: What is your answer to German people and economists who want the return of the DM?
Trichet: You want answers?
Reporter: I think the Germans are entitled.
Trichet: You want answers? (SHOUTING)
Reporter: Germans want the truth! (SHOUTING)
Trichet:*You can’t handle the truth!*  (SHOUTING)
[pauses]…

Trichet: Son, we live in a world that has prices, and those prices have to be guarded by men with bonds. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Sylvia Wadhwa? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Lehman Brothers, and you curse Ben Bernanke. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Lehman’s collapse, while tragic, probably saved banks. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves banks. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that committee, you need me on that committee. We use words like rate, target, expectation. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a profitline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of price stability that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said congratulations and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a Greek bond, and suffer a haircut. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

 

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goes211 wrote: Here was a
goes211 wrote:

Here was a funny ( at least I thought so ) imaginary conversation between Jean-Claude Trichet ( head of the European Central Bank ) and a reporter.

http://ftalphaville.ft.com/blog/2011/09/08/672756/a-few-good-central-ban...

 

Reporter: What is your answer to German people and economists who want the return of the DM?
Trichet: You want answers?
Reporter: I think the Germans are entitled.
Trichet: You want answers? (SHOUTING)
Reporter: Germans want the truth! (SHOUTING)
Trichet:*You can’t handle the truth!*  (SHOUTING)
[pauses]…

Trichet: Son, we live in a world that has prices, and those prices have to be guarded by men with bonds. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Sylvia Wadhwa? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Lehman Brothers, and you curse Ben Bernanke. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Lehman’s collapse, while tragic, probably saved banks. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves banks. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that committee, you need me on that committee. We use words like rate, target, expectation. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a profitline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of price stability that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said congratulations and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a Greek bond, and suffer a haircut. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

 

Very clever!! Thanks for that; I enjoyed it thoroughly.

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Gaddafi Found Running for

Gaddafi Found Running for Republican Nomination

Libyan Madman Turns Up in New Hampshire

CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – The mystery surrounding Col. Muammar Gaddafi’s whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.

In announcing his candidacy, the Libyan madman joins a Republican field which is believed to number in excess of seven hundred candidates.

While some New Hampshire Republicans seemed surprised to see Col. Gaddafi shaking hands and kissing babies at the Concord town hall, an aide to the Libyan strongman said his transformation to GOP candidate made perfect sense.

“In those final days in Tripoli he was becoming increasingly disconnected from reality,” said the aide.  “So I think he’ll fit right in.”

Mr. Gaddafi, dressed in his trademark yellow turban and matching robe, got mixed reviews in his first appearance on the campaign trail, with some New Hampshire citizens saying that his six-hour stump speech was badly in need of pruning.

Additionally, some felt that his rhetoric needed to be toned down, especially his closing line about fighting for the Republican nomination “until the last drop of blood.”

But others gave him high marks for his grasp of history and geography, which most agreed was stronger than Michele Bachmann’s.

Perhaps underscoring the challenges that lie ahead for Mr. Gaddafi in his quest for the GOP nod, current polls show him in the back of the pack, leading former Senator Rick Santorum but trailing the pizza guy.

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Nicholas Cage Photo from old

http://www.cnbc.com/id/44644463/

 

Earlier this week a Civil War era photo of a man bearing a striking resemblance to Oscar winning actor Nicolas Cage ended up on Ebay [EBAY 32.08 0.41 (+1.29%) ] .

Asking price: $1 million.

The original auction showed up in The Hollywood Reporter a week ago. "The seller insisted the photo was authentic, and taken around the time of the Civil War."

...What pleases me most about the picture be relisted on Ebay is that Mord has reposted the Q&A. Here you can read conversations with potential bidders like:

Q: dude....YOU smoke way too much weed!!

A: I am insulted. I have never even tried "weed" in my life, and do not even drink beer. At the very worst, I am perhaps guilty of a little 25 year addiction to Mexican black tar heroin.

Q: Why are you trying to sell this for one million?

A: Because I thought two million might be a bit unreasonable in this economy.

 

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Very funny

 

 

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A Quick Chuckle

 

 

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Kids Find Out Parents Spent (Ate) All Their Money (Candy)

Kids Find Out Parents Spent (Ate) All Their Money (Candy)

Link to above video:

Just imagine how the young generations feel about the National Debt...

Poet

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7 billion....what?

I thought this might be appropiate for my- I think- 100th post.  I love reading this guy, Mark Morford.  Might be too "San Francisco" for some, but funny, insightful, and poigniant.  Aloha, Steve.

 

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/11/02/notes110211.DTL&nl=fix

 

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what is a stimulus?

It’s a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on
credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states
that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee.

And that, my friends, is how a “stimulus package” works!

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Cartoons

 

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The Future Of Transport In A Post Peak Oil Civilization

Everyone who has watched the Crash Course knows that, with Peak Oil, the world will have to live with dwindling energy resources. Transportation is an area that  will experience significant impacts. People will have to learn to get by with fewer, slower, less convenient mobility options.

Perhaps we may even have to resort to using animals for personal transportation and as beasts of burden. Obviously, creatures that eat less and require less maintenance, will provide a significant cost advantage...

Link to the above video:

...even if there might be a few downsides.

Poet

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Zombie apocalypse won't be motorised..

 Poet.. reminds me of..

 

 http://www.pathlesspedaled.com/

 ah the spindle of necessity..

 

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"You have two cows": Economic Comparisons

 

Hat tip to Casey Research for this one:

 

Understanding politics and the economy can be accomplished by starting with two cows.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans.
You kill the cows and make souvlaki.
You can't pay the interest, so the Germans lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the French lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the Italians lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the Spaniards lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so your people hold a general strike.
You can't pay the interest, so the EU bails you out.
You drink more ouzo.

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Coming soon to the scene of Western finance.

 

From Jim Sinclair's Mineset   http://www.jsmineset.com/

image

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Conan on OWS

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goes211 wrote:
goes211 wrote:

ROTFLMAO!

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Economic Models explained with cows
Economic Models explained with cows
 

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.


COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.


FASCISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.


NAZISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.


BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.


SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.


ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.


A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.


A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans
You kill the cows and make souvlaki
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money .....

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socialism revision
Damnthematrix wrote:
Economic Models explained with cows
 

Good one with the following revision recommended by a friend (who also happens to own cows)..

 

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

The state divides them into 8 quarters and redistributes 7 to your neighbors who start feuding over who gets to keep the animals.

The cows die from neglect.

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a new trilogy

I didn't know where else to post this.....Forget Bernanke, Obama, AG,AU, OWS, Eurozone, 7.62X39, and expatriation for a short while.

cruising Netflix- "Cave of Forgotten Dreams",

from my brother-in-law-  http://www.flixxy.com/hubble-ultra-deep-field-3d.htm

thanks Google: http://www.youtube.com/user/lifeinaday

Where we were, where we're going, where we are.  Love to all.  Aloha, Steve

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Conan shows Ron Pauls Newest Advertisement!

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