The Definitive Humor Thread

431 posts / 0 new
Last post
ccpetersmd's picture
ccpetersmd
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 12 2008
Posts: 799
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

From NPR's Planet Money and This American Life, Bet Against The American Dream:

http://vimeo.com/10864430

pinecarr's picture
pinecarr
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 13 2008
Posts: 2269
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Nice, CCPetersMD!  First time I've heard the story of CDO's described "Broadway musical" style!

ccpetersmd's picture
ccpetersmd
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 12 2008
Posts: 799
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Thanks, Pinecarr. I'm an unabashed Planet Money / This American Life addict...

ericg's picture
ericg
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Mar 23 2010
Posts: 101
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Q: Why do women fake orgasms

A: Because they think we care

ericg's picture
ericg
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Mar 23 2010
Posts: 101
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Cartoon

Ready's picture
Ready
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Dec 30 2008
Posts: 917
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1.  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook
of your left arm as if holding a baby.
 

Position right forefinger and thumb on
either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding
pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth,
pop pill into mouth.
 
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
 

2.  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from
behind sofa.
 

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
 

3.  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw
soggy pill away.

 

4.  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat
in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with
left hand.
 

Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth
shut for a count of ten.
 

5.  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat
from top of wardrobe.
 

 

Call spouse in from the garden.
 
 

6.  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly
between knees, hold front and rear paws.
 

Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get
spouse to hold head firmly with one hand
while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
vigorously.
 
 

7.  Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note
to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and
vases from hearth and set to one side for
gluing later.
 
 

8.  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse
to lie on cat with head just visible from
below armpit.
 

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw
 
 

9.  Check label to make sure pill not harmful
to humans and drink one beer to take taste
away.  Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm
and remove blood from carpet with cold
water and soap.

 
10.  Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
 

Get another pill.  Open another beer.  
Place cat in cupboard, and close door
onto neck, to leave head showing.  
Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
 

11.  Fetch screwdriver from garage and
put cupboard door back on hinges.  
Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  
Pour shot, drink.
 

Apply cold compress to cheek and check
records for date of last tetanus shot.  
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  
Toss back another shot.  Throw tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.
 
 
12.  Call fire department to retrieve the damn
cat from the top of the tree across the road.  
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence
while swerving to avoid cat.
 

Take last pill from foil wrap.
 

13.  Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed,
tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws
with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
dining table.  Push pill into mouth followed
by large piece of filet steak.  Be rough about it.  
Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water
down throat to wash pill down.

 
 

14.  Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse
to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly
while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and
removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.
 

15.  Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat
from hell and call local pet shop to see if they
have any hamsters.
 

 

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1.  Wrap it in bacon.

2.  Toss it in the air. 
 

ccpetersmd's picture
ccpetersmd
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 12 2008
Posts: 799
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Funny, Rog!

pinecarr's picture
pinecarr
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 13 2008
Posts: 2269
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Thanks Ready; best laugh I've had today!

gregroberts's picture
gregroberts
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 6 2008
Posts: 1024
The Matrix Occult symbology

Larry brought Neo's passport expiration date to my attention (quite a coincidence!  Anybody have the Release Date: Sep 21, 1999 VHS to see if it's the same there?) so off I went into the twilight zone again, I'll never watch V or the Matrix again without looking for  these images from the videos. Not sure if this is CT or humorous, you decide.

Vanityfox451's picture
Vanityfox451
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Dec 28 2008
Posts: 1636
The Best Of Dave Allen...

~ VF ~

ericg's picture
ericg
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Mar 23 2010
Posts: 101
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Lessons in Leadership from Dance Guy Cool

http://sivers.org/ff 

ccpetersmd's picture
ccpetersmd
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 12 2008
Posts: 799
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Great video, Eric!

Tycer's picture
Tycer
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 26 2009
Posts: 617
So is Dr. Martenson our lone nut?

And are we good followers?

Great video Eric!

goes211's picture
goes211
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 18 2008
Posts: 1114
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Eric,

What a fantastic illustration of leadership.  Thx

Dogs_In_A_Pile's picture
Dogs_In_A_Pile
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Jan 4 2009
Posts: 2608
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Thanks Eric - this was at the Sasquatch 2009 music festival in Washington State at The Gorges.  Great venue for live music, a great festival and obviously, great leadership (and followership).

ericg's picture
ericg
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Mar 23 2010
Posts: 101
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Dog_in _a_pile wrote:

Thanks Eric - this was at the Sasquatch 2009 music festival in Washington State at The Gorges.  Great venue for live music, a great festival and obviously, great leadership (and followership).

I figured it was The Gorges.... I worked in Hermiston Oregon for several months and we would travel the Gorge every week to get there. It's beautiful especially this time of year (spring). Many of my friends went to Sasquatch last year....

Dogs_In_A_Pile's picture
Dogs_In_A_Pile
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Jan 4 2009
Posts: 2608
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Eric -

The Northwest String Summit at Horning's Hideout in North Plains is coming up soon.  If you are remotely close I highly recommend it - it is one of the top 3 festivals in the country IMO.  Venue, location, artist lineup and the collective of people who show up make it a great experience.  I am going to FloydFest in SW Virginia in a month with 6 friends and Floyd is one of the few fests that can compete with NWSS.  Still trying to figure out how to get to Oregon for NWSS AND do Floyd.  I find I periodically need to completely detach and decompress from the madness of the real world and always come back recharged. 

Nothing like a fiscal conservative channeling his inner hippie and sitting around a campfire in the Blue Ridge Mountains talking about Peak Oil.  There are two beer gardens though.........and Floyd County has superb moonshine.

bklement's picture
bklement
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Jan 26 2009
Posts: 108
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

BP Spills are your responsibility

earthwise's picture
earthwise
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 10 2009
Posts: 848
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
bklement wrote:

BP Spills are your responsibility

That is funny!

Brandon's picture
Brandon
Status: Martenson Brigade Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 6 2008
Posts: 145
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Clarke and Dawes Ask the Million Dollar Questions

Tycer's picture
Tycer
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 26 2009
Posts: 617
Devo lives. Check out the cat party.

No less bizarre than 1980.

 

Devo's new album is out today.

http://www.clubdevo.com/

and

In Waco, TX

 

Also on this magical day, from 11 a.m to 8 p.m. PST DEVO will be streaming their entire album “Something for Everybody” as the soundtrack to a live cat party. Tune in live to see 20 cats getting down to the new DEVO album for 9 whole hours. Cats + Devo = Mass Appeal. Link to tune in! http://www.ustream.tv/devo

Baywork's picture
Baywork
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: May 3 2009
Posts: 85
Financial Terrorists Playing Cards

The cards are complete...

Sample Cards

Maybe there’ll be official permanent image urls, so one could play a card if he or she feels to take the trick during conversation;-)

gregroberts's picture
gregroberts
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 6 2008
Posts: 1024
Politically Incorrect German Car Ad

gregroberts's picture
gregroberts
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 6 2008
Posts: 1024
Is Sarah Palin a Bimbo?

They're all bimbos ;-)

http://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot#p/u/270/J9ix7igcNNE

Tycer's picture
Tycer
Status: Platinum Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 26 2009
Posts: 617
I usually don't laugh at other's misfortune...

Bless her heart!

 

 

Vanityfox451's picture
Vanityfox451
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Dec 28 2008
Posts: 1636
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
gregroberts wrote:

They're all bimbos ;-)

F***ing Priceless Greg!!!

Paul

 

Damnthematrix's picture
Damnthematrix
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 10 2008
Posts: 3998
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

goes211's picture
goes211
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 18 2008
Posts: 1114
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

The Apple i-Rack

Damnthematrix's picture
Damnthematrix
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 10 2008
Posts: 3998
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

gregroberts's picture
gregroberts
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 6 2008
Posts: 1024
Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Login or Register to post comments