The Definitive Humor Thread

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DennisC's picture
DennisC
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Fire Greatest Discovery

...if used responsibly.

 

I was going to go with one of my favorite clips, Phil Hartman as Frankenstein ("Fire Bad!") but found this as well.  Another movie classic IMO.

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DennisC
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The Other Piledriver

1/3 oz. vodka, 1/3 oz. O.J., 1/3 oz. prune juice, mix in shot glass and stir.

Repeat until desired results are achieved (subject to personal interpretation).

skål !

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Lucas Carlton
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I would like to share

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sand_puppy
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What I am REALLY worried about.

Hackers could program sex robots to kill

Would that be a surprise if your cute little plastic "Mindy" were hacked and came at you as a contract killer!

A cybersecurity scientist has issued a bizarre warning that sex robots could one day rise up and kill their owners if hackers can get inside their heads.

With sex robots becoming increasingly popular and sophisticated, cybersecurity lecturer Dr. Nick Patterson revealed that the lifelike dolls could end up going all “Terminator” on us.

[T]he risk is that hackers could breach the realistic robots’ inner defenses and catch their owners with their pants down.

The tech expert, from Australia’s Deakin University, said: “Hackers can hack into a robot or a robotic device and have full control of the connections, arms, legs and other attached tools like knives or welding devices.

“Once a robot is hacked, the hacker has full control and can issue instructions to the robot.”

 

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Time2help
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Breached
sand_puppy wrote:

The tech expert, from Australia’s Deakin University, said: “Hackers can hack into a robot or a robotic device and have full control of the connections, arms, legs and other attached tools like knives or welding devices.

That's kinda hot actually.

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sand_puppy
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When dinosaurs feel discouraged

DennisC's picture
DennisC
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Gold - A Haiku

Unfriendly winter

A more, fuzzy gold competes

under the bitcoin

 

I'm a poet and didn't even know it, courtesy of https://www.poem-generator.org.uk/

 

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DennisC
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VeganDB12
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bitcoin by JP Sears

In No Way do I think this reflects the educated, experienced financial minds who generously contribute to the bitcoin thread but still this is kinda funny :)

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sand_puppy
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Christmas Story: From the txt msg of Gabriel and V. Mary

Found this funny site that reenacts stories from the viewpoint of the cellphone text screens of the characters.  The archangel Gabriel, V Mary, and some shepherds .....  I thought was hilarious.

https://www.facebook.com/txtstories/videos/215265905708942/

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DennisC
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Funds Check in

but funds don't check out (well maybe, if you have non-stick booties on your six feet and have a GMO-related (or genetically predisposed) resistance to "stuff"!

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DennisC
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Watch Your Step!

How much do you know?  This is my basic understanding.  Did you pass the test?

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Doug
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DennisC's picture
DennisC
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Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

This has to be one of the best, most heartfelt presidential speeches of all time.  Brought a tear to my eye too.


 

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Michael_Rudmin
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You're mistaken. That one wasn't a real pres. speech

That was'nt even the president; it was a crisis actor.

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Michael_Rudmin
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Just found this -- proof of the crisis actor

Here's the same crisis actor in two other crises:

Here... http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qQreNUdFnuc/UYKBlk5TiII/AAAAAAAADjY/NnNsAxZUcI...

And here...

http://www.signature-reads.com/2014/01/brooklyn-celebrates-polar-vortex-...

If you judge our society by everything he would seem to have been through, you'd think this world was a horrid place!

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DennisC
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Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.

Here's Johnny.  Apparently, he does ads for security doors during the winter months.

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DennisC
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He Blowed Up Good

Possibly germane to recent news reports.  Some of my friends from where rosa acicularis grows wild may appreciate this very short clip.

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fionnbharr
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The Horseshoe Effect

The Horseshoe Effect

In political theory, the horseshoe theory asserts that the far left and the far right, rather than being at opposite and opposing ends of a linear political continuum, in fact closely resemble one another, much like the ends of a horseshoe. The theory is attributed to French writer Jean-Pierre Faye. Proponents of the theory point to a number of similarities between the extreme left and the extreme right, including their propensity to gravitate to authoritarianism or totalitarianism.

Finn

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fionnbharr
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Doug Stanhope - No Refunds

Finn

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westcoastjan
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Posts: 577
Sunday morning smile
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westcoastjan
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re-post pic did not load...

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sand_puppy
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Nature

sand_puppy's picture
sand_puppy
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Mr Conspiracy Theorist is at it Again

sand_puppy's picture
sand_puppy
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Trading is low stress, and you can work from home.

On a day when markets drop some 3%

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thatchmo
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Come tomorrow, Harold may be

Come tomorrow, Harold may be working from the basement at Mom and Dad's home....Aloha, Steve.

sand_puppy's picture
sand_puppy
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The Caravan Has Disappeared

No one knows what happened.  The caravan has disappeared and this has appeared at the border.

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Michael_Rudmin
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Before you go posting more aaah aaah screaming,

Could I ask you to do something for me?

You claim weapons of mass migration, and there might be something to that. Yes, after completely destroying the protective barrier that the Germanic tribes provided, with their greed and taxes, the Romans were overthrown by a certain very effective strategy of the huns. So you might be onto something.

Could you kindly read the first three chapters of the Art of War by Sun Tsu, and then we discuss how that relates to Rome then, and to America now?

There's a point I'd like to make... or even better there's a point I'd like YOU to make (in socratic fashion... though I'm sure I'm too clumsy to teach well).

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newsbuoy
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Retirement Paradise Paradox

A man died and was sent to the paradise. After a while, he became bored with the paradise, with the eternal quiet, abundance of flowers, absence of worries. So he requested to let him visit the hell as a tourist. God consented. In the hell, he saw people playing cards, drinking wine, and making love. He liked it very much and upon return to the paradise applied for a transfer to hell for good. God consented. As soon a he appeared at the hell's gate, demons grabbed him and pushed him into a barrel with hot tar.

"Stop it! I was here with a visit and saw the people drinking vodka, playing cards, making love."

"Don't confuse the area designated for tourists and sustained by the Propaganda Department, with this area which is for residents."

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sand_puppy
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Tonight at Stonehenge....

The workers are busy tonight.

It should read BACK by 1 hour.  From last spring.

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