The Definitive Humor Thread

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RogerA's picture
RogerA
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True Political Understanding.

Found here. http://www.peakoilblues.org/blog/joke-page/

Little Johnny goes asks his dad, “What is politics?”
“Well son, I`ll explain it this way. I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.”

So he goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So he goes to his parents’ room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.”

“Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.”

Johnny replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

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saxplayer00o1
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I guess we knew his insurance would be cancelled

Sooner or later we knew this would happen:

Hitler Loses His Health Insurance

 

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troof
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He's so ticked, he went on a second rant
Here's another version.
I wonder what Stalin had to say about it.  Perhaps something about the "useful idiots" have served their purpose, now send them off to the gulag sans their pseudo health care.
 
For those offended by the "useful idiot" term, Krugman refers to it as "a technical term with a precise meaning".
http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/18/useful-idiots-defined/?_r=0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Useful_idiot
 
Of course, if one looks for it, one can find offense in anything in these PC times.
http://www.westernjournalism.com/ucla-protesters-call-good-grammar-racist/
I wonder who coined the term, "micro-aggression".  That should become very popular with the PC police.  Just think of the fun you can have with that one. 
 
 
 
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Wendy S. Delmater
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Remy's Holiday Ode to a Sound Moniary Policy

All I Want for Christmas is U... (Remy's Holiday Ode to a Sound Monetary Policy)

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cmartenson
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This cracks me up

This has to be the funniest 11 second clip on the net.

At least to me it is...I've watched this dozens of times.

Still cracks me up.

http://www.wimp.com/penguinslips/

 

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SailAway
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April Fools

Classroom prank is late contender for this year's best April Fool
We know that April Fools' Day was almost a week ago, but a video has emerged of perhaps the day's best prank.

 

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VeganDB12
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Cooper Loves Ice Cream

I think I have watched this 45 second video about 15 times........

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/tHvExOg4NI0?rel=0

Wendy S. Delmater's picture
Wendy S. Delmater
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How our current economy actually works

sand_puppy's picture
sand_puppy
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Whats for dinner?

--Ben Franklin

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sand_puppy
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Whats for dinner?

--Ben Franklin

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westcoastjan
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found this pic on another site...lordy!!!!! LOL but speechless!!

SAWING modified

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westcoastjan
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1% vs. 99%

Could not help but laugh at this picture and imagine this as being representative of the 1% with their excesses vs. the rest of us making do with less....

Credit to Garth Turner on GreaterFool.ca

http://www.greaterfool.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/99-per-cent-modifie...

 

 

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sand_puppy
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Finally: Proof That Putin Shot Nemstov

From Washington's blog:

A reader tells us that the Russian language at the top and bottom says: “Irrefutable Proof.”

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westcoastjan
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Dogs_In_A_Pile
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St. Patrick's Day for Nerds

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DennisC
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westcoastjan
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DennisC's picture
DennisC
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Talk to the Hand

"Talk to the hand, because the ears ain't listening"

 

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Arthur Robey
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Man's Hand

That's a man's hand. The ring finger is longer than the index.

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Yoxa
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Quote: ring finger is longer
Quote:

 ring finger is longer than the index

I call bogus! Finger length is not, repeat not, a reliable way to ascertain someone's gender.

 

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Tim Ladson
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Bumper Sticker Suggestion

I would like to propose a bumper sticker with some variation of "Central Bankers = The Real Terrorists"

 

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Wendy S. Delmater
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Greeks apologise with huge horse

THE nation of Greece said sorry to the European Union with a present of an enormous wooden horse.

Left outside the European Central Bank in the dead of night, the horse has now been moved into the ECB’s central lobby where it is proudly on display.

A gift tag attached to the horse, which is surprisingly light for its size and has small holes along the length of its body, suggested that it should be placed in the bank’s vaults overnight to avoid it being targeted by thieves.

Mario Draghi, President of the ECB, said: “How nice of the Greeks to acknowledge the trouble we’ve been put to on their behalf with this wonderful horse, handmade and so large it could hold a dozen double-decker buses.

“The card with it, which had a teddy bear dressed as a hobo on the front, explained that Greece made us this because they don’t have enough money for a present, which brought a tear to my eye.

“However, unless they can somehow find billions overnight then austerity measures must continue.”

Oddly, Greek representatives in Brussels have hinted that they may soon be in a position to settle their debts and have puzzled the French and German banks that hold their loans by asking if there is any discount for cash.

The government of Spain has reacted angrily to the gift, accusing the Greeks of trying to bribe the ECB and redoubling their own efforts to weave a gigantic sombrero-wearing straw donkey.

DennisC's picture
DennisC
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Good one!

After checking The Onion, it seems they are a little behind on their Greece-related quips.  I found this from 2012.  Ahead of its time, maybe?

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/embarrassing-bounced-check-from-greece-t...

sand_puppy's picture
sand_puppy
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Meat Unlabling Legislation: The Eat Sh*t and Die Act

DennisC's picture
DennisC
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When the Lipstick Runs Out for the Pig

There is always turd polishing, followed by "pigs flying" and unicorn related stuff, I suppose.

Whoever coined the phrase “You can’t polish a turd” was dead wrong. You can polish a turd, and the end result can be quite nice. You might even start a collection. Here’s the help you need polishing what has been passed

 

http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-polish-a-turd/

 

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sand_puppy
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The Dangers of Chickens: gateway livestock

Don't just throw yourself into raising chickens without honestly reflecting on the hazards that they pose.

Wendy S. Delmater's picture
Wendy S. Delmater
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so that's how it works

DennisC's picture
DennisC
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Posts: 374
Profitability is Actually Up

No more monkey fiddling.

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Michael_Rudmin
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Posts: 1041
more jokes

First, two more music jokes:

How is a Cello better than a violin? A cello burns longer.

So what is a violin good for
Getting a cello started.

Why don't traditionalists eat raw meat?
Because, why, well, I don't know, IT JUST ISN'T DONE!

A Mexican bolo, an English bow, and a French cravat all have a race. Which wins? (It's a tie).

Edwardelinski's picture
Edwardelinski
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Posts: 352
Matt Taibbi drinking game tonight

He will be hosting the republican debate tonight.This time around he is going with beer and tequila.Bong hits are acceptable but he is not willing to to sponsor a meth game yet.If trump wins he is willing to down a sangria pitcher of bath salts...

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