The Definitive Humor Thread

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The Definitive Humor Thread

This site is entirely too serious at times. We all need to laugh at least once a day so I'm going to kick off this thread with a cartoon and hope that everyone will chime in on occasion with a comic, cartoon, joke, or funny story

I wanted to insert a specific Bizarro comic here because it is so appropriate to the world we live in. However, the source is blocking my ability to do so. Thus, my first bit of humor will force you to click on the link. So sorry. Frown

http://www.seattlepi.com/fun/Bizarro.asp?date=20090413

If it doesn't work the first time, refresh your screen and the comic should appear.

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
SamLinder wrote:

This site is entirely too serious at times. We all need to laugh at least once a day so I'm going to kick off this thread with a cartoon and hope that everyone will chime in on occasion with a comic, cartoon, joke, or funny story

I wanted to insert a specific Bizarro comic here because it is so appropriate to the world we live in. However, the source is blocking my ability to do so. Thus, my first bit of humor will force you to click on the link. So sorry. Frown

http://www.seattlepi.com/fun/Bizarro.asp?date=20090413

If it doesn't work the first time, refresh your screen and the comic should appear.

I'm sick of laughing at myself all the time. It's not good for the old self-esteem. 

Can I laugh at you though? Hee hee hee ;)

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
Pete In Florida wrote:
SamLinder wrote:

This site is entirely too serious at times. We all need to laugh at least once a day so I'm going to kick off this thread with a cartoon and hope that everyone will chime in on occasion with a comic, cartoon, joke, or funny story

I wanted to insert a specific Bizarro comic here because it is so appropriate to the world we live in. However, the source is blocking my ability to do so. Thus, my first bit of humor will force you to click on the link. So sorry. Frown

http://www.seattlepi.com/fun/Bizarro.asp?date=20090413

If it doesn't work the first time, refresh your screen and the comic should appear.

I'm sick of laughing at myself all the time. It's not good for the old self-esteem.

Can I laugh at you though? Hee hee hee ;)

Only if it makes you laugh!  Wink

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

If this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will.

It runs about 10 minutes.

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Knock Knock

Who's there

Eat Mop

...........

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

hatch

..............

Bless You.

 

(I obviously have kids and have an 8th grade humor limit)

Rog

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
Best,
Paul
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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

And here we see Sam trying to make his initial case for buying a gun:

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Re post #6

Sam,

You are a wise man, it appears you understand women... Smile

Cat

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

All the elements here are perfect for a quote from one of my philosophical Idols... it could probably be taken as humor:

Quote:

Women and Cats will do as they please, and Men and Dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert Heinlein

Cheers,

Aaron

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

By the way - Rog, I literally had to sound out the first joke.
Takes me back... 

M R DUCKS
M R NOT DUCKS
O S M R! C D E D B D WINGS?
Y I B! M R DUCKS!

 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Staying with the music theme.......... 

Q:  How do you get two oboe players in tune?

A:  Shoot one of them.

 

And this for Vanity -

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  A fish.

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Ah Musician Jokes

Q: What's the best way to play an Accordian?

A: With a Hammer

 

Q: What's the definition of a Gentleman

A: A man who knows how to play the Banjo, but chooses not to.

 

Q: How do you tell if the stage is level

A: The drummer drools from both sides of his mouth

 

Q: What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

A: One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.

 

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?

A: Evidently all of them

 

Q: How do you know that it's the lead singer knocking at your front door?

A: You open the door and they still doesn't know when to come in.

(I figured I wouldn't be prejudiced, except against the accordian)

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
cat233 wrote:

Re post #6

Sam,

You are a wise man, it appears you understand women... Smile

Cat

Hey Cat!

It's taken me 65 years so far and I find that I'm still wet behind the ears!

Maybe I'll understand in my next life (although I wouldn't bet my next life on it)!  Wink

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
Aaron Moyer wrote:

All the elements here are perfect for a quote from one of my philosophical Idols... it could probably be taken as humor:

Quote:

Women and Cats will do as they please, and Men and Dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert Heinlein

Cheers,

Aaron

Now that's funny and not funny all at the same time!

As one who is owned by a female cat, I'm in double trouble!

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Ain't it the truth!
I'm in the same boat. My wife is the Architype Leo. =)

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
Gungnir wrote:

Ah Musician Jokes

Don't get me started! 


Gungnir wrote:

Q: How do you tell if the stage is level

A: The drummer drools from both sides of his mouth

 

Q: what do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?

A: A drummer 


Gungnir wrote:

 

Q: What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

A: One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.

Q: What do bass solos and premature ejaculation have in common?

A: You can always tell when they're coming, but there's nothing you can do about it! 


Gungnir wrote:

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?

A: Evidently all of them

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?

A: Put a chart in front of him

                     and 

Q: What's the definition of counterpoint?

A: Two guitar players reading the same chart 


Gungnir wrote:

Q: How do you know that it's the lead singer knocking at your front door?

A: You open the door and they still doesn't know when to come in.

 

Not only don't they know when to come in, of course they never have the key, either!

                     

Hopefully these aren't too inside for everybody else!

Peace

Greg 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread
Dogs_In_A_Pile wrote:

Staying with the music theme.......... 

Q:  How do you get two oboe players in tune?

A:  Shoot one of them.

 

Q: What's the definition of a minor 2nd?

A: Two oboe players playing in unison.

            


Dogs_In_A_Pile wrote:

And this for Vanity -

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  A fish.

 

He should like this one, too.

Q: How many female singers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. She just holds the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her. 

But here's one specially for you, Dogs

Q: How do you sum up the life of Jerry Garcia in just three words?

A: Grate, Full, and Dead 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

It's gunna be deleted so ya better be quickWink

[Ed. note: You're quite right...]

Surrealists Rick...

Best,

Paul

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

That was great, Paul. I especially liked the streaker!

Greg 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Too funny, Vanityfox451, too funny!  Laughing

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Ahhumm (cough) Greg,

The streaker...Cool

If you liked that, I think you'll love this :-

[Ed.note: George Carlin's "Seven Words" . . . no.]

Best,

Paul

(edit) Two deletes...naughty boy!!!

Live Life, Love Music...Tongue out... :-

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

...but I'm getting carried away...Embarassed...

...Tongue out

Best,

Paul

 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a
ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

"Well,
there's so much to live for."

"Like what?"

"Well, are you religious?"

He said yes.

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me
too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you
Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, you idiot heretic scum!!"
And pushed him off the bridge.

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

I have to do this!!!Laughing

Billy Connolly (Early)

Incontinence Pants

Two Scotsmen in Rome

Best,

Paul

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Oh man the incontinence pants are a classic.

I remember sitting at home watching this on "An audience with Billy Connolly" and laughing so much I could have used a pair of those. 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Gungnir,

In England most people like 'Marmite' (a yeast extract) on toast, where as most Americans think it's the stuff you use to fill up gaps in the roads!!!

Woody Allen...Surprised...love him or hate him???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpIYz8tfGjY  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a3mk9sp0oE 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qff098NCNDE&feature=related  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFQUOElTwgU&feature=related  

I leave history to argue...

Best,

Paul

 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

No thread of this type would be complete without...

Best,

Paul

 

 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread - George Carlin on education
Vanityfox451 wrote:

Woody Allen...Surprised...love him or hate him???

Paul

I'm from New York. I love him, of course - even if his personal life is quite unfortunate. Annie Hall is one of my all time favorite movies.

But George Carlin is another of my favorites. It's such a shame he's gone. Very few comics, if any could see right through all the bull sh*t like Carlin. I hope Sam will forgive me, but here's a clip which is far more insightful and provacative than funny. (not much relief from the heavyness of the CM site here! Just more stuff to ponder) If you're not familiar with this, you're going to love it. He's exactly on the same page with John Taylor Gatto!

Peace

Greg 

 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread - George Carlin on education

Greg,

Since the mid 80's when I found George in a movie called 'Outrageous Fortune' with Shelley Long and Bette Midler, I've been a fan. Through his cameo appearances on 'Bill And Teds Excellent Adventure' and 'Bogus Journey', right through the 90's with friends offering up bootlegs of his recordings. Yet, it wasn't until August 2007 when a friend directed me to 'Zeitgeist The Movie' that I understood his criticle message. That and a reliable computer that finally opened up an entire medium the size and bredth of You Tube for an open mind to play in.

In truth, I've watched him in his entirety on that stage again and again for over a year; going back to him as more of the pieces of the jigsaw-puzzle came together in my mind. Infact, your help in direction on that 'certain' thread you rescued me on a few weeks ago, passing me links to John Taylor Gatto that I now wear in my signature was the final piece I needed I think. All I'm doing now is getting all of those pieces to represent the full picture and are still just a tad messy on the metaphorical coffee-table.

Oh my God, was he powerful and on form that night - utterly flawless and unstoppable. On the day he died and I heard on the news of his sudden death it really stopped me in my tracks. Like the urgent passing of something so important. His legacy I hope will remain with us; as will Bill Hicks who kicked this piece out very shortly before his death :-

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q95kX_EP2Nk

... so very true and real. Strange that both were aware of the "roller-coaster ride" of life and 'both' are now gone. They were both 'maps' to the future as long as people become collectively grounded in the present and gain a better view into the past for answers from people such as these.

Unsurprisingly, Woody Allen was very close to the 'political knuckle' back in the 70's and knew his 'bacon' (Wink), flavoured it with a cheese topping and called it beef. I loved the 'Edgar Hoover In Disguise' skit in the court scene from 'Bananas' I posted, "It's Just A Ride..."

Anyway, better get on with the comedy and R and R :-

Best,

Paul

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread - George Carlin on education

VanityFox, I know Marmite, grew up in the 70's and 80's in the UK (hence I know Billy Connolly's stuff). Remember eating Marmite on toast, with a hot Mug of Oxo, during the 1979 Blizzards. Good times.

 

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Re: The Definitive Humor Thread - George Carlin on education

Gungnir,

yeah, 1979!!!Laughing

Pink Floyd 'The Wall', 'Bad Manners', 'Sham69' and 'The Sex Pistols' and Sid Vicious demise in February that year!! Do you remember Kenny Everett??? :-

...the big freeze, snowball-fights and my first year in secondary school and walking three miles to get there instead of around the corner. Mugs of hot steamy Oxo, 'bread and dripping' - Ovaltine???

They re-ran this add all through the winter of '79 :-

...inbetween those weekly runs of these guys who were climbing the heights with 26 million viewers for their Christmas Specials :-

You're making me reminisceSmile...

But for those who were older at the time, there was good old Maggie Thatcher keeping the miners happy!!!

Best,

Paul

 

 

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