"Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

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cat233's picture
cat233
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"Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

"Thanks for all of your support. It's too bad we didn't move this to
another thread because it is an ongoing problem for many of us. I will
leave it to someone else to start "Coping With Triple E
Interpersonal Problems" (I couldn't come up with a quick acronym for
TARP)."

SG

 

This thread is to support all out there.... In times of frustrations we can depend on each other!

Cat

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Thanks, Cat.

I have to be the first poster. Today I surreptitiously took $1045. out of my checking account and went to the local coin shop and bot my first gold Eagle. I told the owner that I felt like I was buying an illicit drug, first because I'm not telling my wife (I hope to sneak periodic purchases) and second, because  ...we're not taught to buy gold! He told me that he has wives coming in and buying them without their husbands' knowledge! What a world. Is it ethical to lie to your spouse for the couples' greater good? I'll leave that one to the philosophers on this thread. Not to the marriage counselors..my wife does that!

I will note that discussing personal attempts to deal with family members around Triple E is only possible (for me) knowing that my wife's identity is not compromised. I understand Chris's thought that this is a community but I have decided that my privacy (and now, my family's) overrides that consideration.

 

BTW, the Eagle is a pretty good-looking coin. Maybe mvalley should get a belt buckle made with one, LOL.

 

SG

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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

I hear the challenge you face Cape; I've had discouraging attempts with some of my familiy members to get them to act with regarding to Triple E, Crash Course etc. but they are not members I live with or share weath with directly. 

I'd encourage you to find a way to be open with your partner.  The benifits of gold coins preserving a small amount of wealth may be outweighed by potential losses in trust in your relationship. Whether its ethical or not, actions like that usually are just not effective in the long run or may indicate a deeper problem that you need to face up to.  You know you and your relationship best, so decide what you can live with and what you can't and come up with a plan.  Wish you luck!

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Woodman,

I guess I'll see you at Rowe, right? My wife is not coming as she sees many troubled people in her day job, LOL.  

You'll get to learn my real identitiy there, assuming there is a phone booth (not sure you're old enuf to get that one.)

I have no guilt about buying the coin and continuing to do so. My wife has refused to discuss investing for decades..no interest..her eyes glaze over and she says to go to an investment counselor. I have done a modest job of it myself but, for me, the learning curve was steep. If this is the only secret in 35 years of marriage, I can live with it. She went ballistic when I casually mentioned buying freeze dried food; I'm not going to deal with gold!

Some day, when the mainstream news anchor at 6:30 says, "holy gods, gold went through the roof today", maybe  I'll casually mention that I have bot a few coins at a much lower price. Of course, there's always a chance this will occur decades after I'm gone, LOL. 

GLTA. 

SG

 

straight's picture
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

It is my understanding that at 38 years old, the present American Fiat currency is the oldest fiat currency of all time, out living the previous record holder by about 20 years. This has also been the only time when there has not been at least one gold backed currency in existence. 

The entire world not having a gold standard is a new thing.  It has not worked.  It is easy, if you are younger than say 50yrs old [which i am], to think that gold is old fashioned.  Well, it isn't, it is the only true money. It is now, as it has been for the past 5-6,000 years.  This is not a matter of belief.  It is a matter of fact. You can choose to look the other way, however that does not change the 'reality'. 

The primary reason for the 38yr run of the present monetary system is the introduction of commodities futures exchanges.  Through the virtual purchase and sale of gold and silver futures contracts, highly leveraged and wealthy central and investment banks have suppressed the competition of the fiat currency, gold and silver.  .

I personally believe that by the time this present crisis, the first of many crises, is over, there will be two kinds of people.  Those with gold, and those without.

However, I would rather have a loving and supportive partner beside me than a few oz of gold.

I have suggested in other posts on this site that I think Trust will be the new currency if the shtf.  The best, and really the only, outcome is to have both.  If you believe that you HAVE to have gold, and I would agree with you on that, then you ought to go and get some.  If your partner disagrees, then too bad.  Being upfront and honest about it will cause additional strees short term, maybe even long term, however you will have been true to yourself and to your relationship, and you would have the stress anyway if you didnt get the gold. 

What is the use of a relationship where you can not be true to yourself?  I recently went thourgh a divorce over just this topic.  I am MUCH better off now [2yrs later].  My kids are too... although they dont see it quite yet, i see it in them every day.

Hard stuff.  Good luck.

mvalley's picture
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"
SG:
I don't envy your position at all. I might be single, but I also
determine how I want to prepare for this situation. If I want to buy gold or freeze dried food I just do it. That is
why I have been able to prepare the way that I have. In reality I really don't
have to convince any of my loved ones. As long as at least one of us is
preparing, I guess that is all that really matters. And because I've been
fortunate with past investments I can afford to prepare in the way that I see
fit and for that, I am very thankful. My loved ones might think I' crazy, but
in the event that we do see the worst case scenario, they will be beyond
grateful for what we have.
capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Thank you for all of your thoughtful comments. I have to say that if were doing any number of other nefarious activities, I would  see myself as a sleazoid but I will sleep fine (well, as well as I sleep anyway, LOL) tonite despite my foray into gold. I think that in this case, the end justifies the means and I suspect that, in the future, this will prove to be a wise move that does not, in spirit, violate my relationship.

Now that Ferrari that I have garaged at my mistresses's townhouse...

Seriously (though I try to be minimally serious), I will bring this up at some point with her. Probably long before I bring up the CC again. No way!

 

I think 

 

SG

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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

I'll miss you all at Rowe, I have no good excuse , I live in Boston.

I am continually discouraged by the fact that I can't seem to get anyone in my life (besides my wife) to see what I see.  I am relieved to watch this community grow, but, at the same time completely frustrated that my friends are essentally alienating me over this subject.  Each day that passes I raise my alarm level as the headlines support what I'm pointing to, and I get the feeling people think I'm an idiot.

My finantial advisor is even ignoring me now.  I know, I know, why is he still my guy?

I just hope I can gather enough resources and skill to bring my wife and almost 5-yr. old trough the storm.

Fare well.

 

Mark

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

At least your wife is on board, that is a big plus. The problem is that we are all contrarians at this point and going against everything and forcing ourselves to make changes, especially when options seem few, is pretty hard. I can't make many for a variety of reasons.

I grew up in Boston, now live on the Cape. You can email me at [email protected] if you think there's any way I can help. I'd like to develop a loose network of local triple E people. 

Probably all I can do now is tell you which are the best beaches and restaurants here, LOL. 

GLTA.

SG

 

 

Dogs_In_A_Pile's picture
Dogs_In_A_Pile
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

MarkP -

This is from another thread but apropos.  See post #56.  It addresses some of what we went through regarding loss of friends.

http://www.peakprosperity.com/blog/stimulus-bill-causes-hope-fade/12483

BTW - great album.  Daughter's middle name is Avalon.

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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

I'm glad someone dedicated a thread to this.  In the end, it is probably the most important issue.

I'm a believer in talking about what works, and I learned some important lessons about that in the past 3 years.  I have been working in the financial service field for the past 14 years and was given the opportunity to attend an intensive institute on the west coast for counseling affluent people about interpersonal problems.  What I learned was simultaneously a masive blow to my ego, and the best thing that ever happened to me.

I learned that I had a tendency, reinforced by my profession, to declare my value (to clients, bosses, etc) based on my ability to see and talk about what was wrong.  If you ever turn on CNBC you will see this skill polished to an art form, and I was a master artist.  What I learned was that finding what was wrong about something may be technically 'accurate' but it wasn't helpful.  Focussing on 'what's wrong' is fundamentally a left-brain deductive cognitive behavior that only generates a list of things 'not to do'.  We are hard wired to believe that a conclusion we come to deductively is correct, and so we declare it with confidence.

What I learned was that focussing on what's right is a much more difficult thing to do.  It is a fundamentally inductive cognitive behavior that generates many possible correct outcomes.  Because it generates many possible outcomes instead of just one, we don't feel as confident about them, and don't declare them with the same strength.

This relates to interpersonal relationships because I learned that many very successsful people practice the art of 'what's wrong' with everyone in their daily communication.  These people almost always have interpersonal relationship problems, especially with those who are closest to them, like spouses and children.

Think about a time you were around an authority figure who related to you in terms of 'what was wrong'.  I know I can.  I remember that feeling very well.  It also helped teach me to do it to others-  which wasn't very productive.

Here's what works:

1.  Understand how your mind works.  There are many metaphors that are helpful:  R-brain, L-brain, primitive and higher, etc.  Some react to uncertainty with fear and withdrawal,  other parts can connect with others and find commonality and presence.  Once you see it around you, it is easier to see how you affect others.

2.  Learn about charisma: "People feel good about themselves when they are in your presence."  Seems like some people are just born with this- but it is actually pretty simple: Recognize strengths in others.  Two things happen when you do this:  you become charismatic, and people attribute to you the strengths you recognized in them.  Think about someone who authentically recognized one of your strengths as a child.  How did that make you feel?  I remember it made feel pretty good.  

Here's the thing I learned that crushed my ego:  the opposite happens when you recognize weaknesses in others.  When I found things that were wrong with people's portfolios, their finances, or anything else in their world...they felt bad about themselves in my presence.  Ouch.  Worse yet?  They attributed these weaknesses to me as well.  Charisma is your magic wand in any relationship-  friend or foe.  Start recognizing the strengths in others that you see as helpful to these trying times.  Stop recognizing their weaknesses for not knowing what you know.  Relationships will literally transform before your eyes.

3.  Understand that people are not their past, and they are only briefly their present.  Everyone learns from their own experiences and the experiences of others.  You can't expect someone who hasn't had the same experiences you have had to think the same way you do.  You CAN expect that as they acquire new experiences or watch you modify your behavior in positive ways (working towards something, not against it) that they will also learn and develop new behaviors. So what if you 'got it' 2 years before they did?  If you love them, you goal should be that they 'get it'.  Be patient and realize that when their life changes in a meaningful way, they will learn quickly.

 

In case this was too wordy-  I'll summarize:

Get your Zen on, and become an insane beacon of hope.

Best,

42 

 

MarkM's picture
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Good words 42.  Not that I "choose" to use your methods as much as I should.  However, I think it helps get that person to open up a little to what the "enlightened" party has seen.  "I know you aren't really on board with what I am thinking, but because you are so good at "x" I could really use your help."  Not guaranteed, but it will go a lot further than pointing out someone's elses inability to see the real picture.  Thanks for reminding me of that.

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

An interesting post, 42.

 

SG

cat233's picture
cat233
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Thanks 42, that was indeed interesting and  insightful.

Cat

fortytwo's picture
fortytwo
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be preachy.  I guess I've just tried to make a habit of organizing my thoughts in a specific way around what's right after every instance of me analyzing what's wrong.  Its a slow attempt to start thinking in ways that I believe are more useful....  but it isn't easy and it sure isn't automatic.

 

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

I have to post this. My 26 y.o. son, who a month ago called my wife to ask if I should be committed for thinking of buying some freeze-dried food, emailed me that, at my suggestion, he was taking the CC and had made it through 5. His words, "we're !!#$&$*$, dad, and I don't think you're crazy anymore" were astounding to me. He also called several old friends who had gone into investing and was further convinced when they told him they were buying gold coins. We spent some time on the phone talking about it and I urged him to finish the CC. Now he is convinced that he needs to accumulate some $ to save and plan long term. 

Now, if my wife would just watch...no chance. She is hoping when I get to Rowe tomorrow that I get it out of my system or meet that female pig farmer. I would rather grow fruit; pigs have never intrigued me except as Texas barbecue.

SG

cat233's picture
cat233
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Hi SG,

That is fantastic news  I am not giving up all hope with your wife.  Now that your son is on board, she might have the beginnings of a new perspective. 

I can't see you with a pig farmer either.

Cat

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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

SG -

You need to come visit and we'll introduce you to a pulled pork barbecue sandwich.  With Carolina sauce (vinegar base) - not that nasty, sticky, gooey, La Brea tar pit Texas goop sauce stuff.

capesurvivor's picture
capesurvivor
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Re: "Coping With Triple E Interpersonal Problems"

Hi Dogs,

No, my wife and I had an interesting discussion after I returned from Rowe. Too bad an alternative energy expert wasn't around.

My son is not on board to the degree to intervene with mom and dad.

I love pulled pork barbecue and have enjoyed NC style whenever I can get it!

 

SG

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