21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

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SamLinder's picture
SamLinder
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21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the heck out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

(Remember - I didn't write this, so don't blame the messenger!  Wink

strabes's picture
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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

bureaucratism and surrealism...hilarious

new zealand sounds good to me. 

nice picture Sam!  good to see you. 

SamLinder's picture
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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)
strabes wrote:

bureaucratism and surrealism...hilarious

new zealand sounds good to me. 

nice picture Sam!  good to see you. 

Thanks, Strabes. I decided it was time to come out from under cover!  Wink

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

give me a break sam this is a serious site dedicated to hard cold statistics and analysis not some mumbo jumbo about cows

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

 

..

SagerXX's picture
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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

The Enron bit is truly inspired.  "Buy your bull" indeedy!

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Very funny, thank you for a much needed laugh!
Denise

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Sager, yes the Enron piece is brilliant, but unfortunately that's exactly what the entire financial world, led by Wall St, has been doing for a while...it's why we're in this derivatives mess.  What's interesting is how the government pilloried Enron and prosecuted its execs until killing Ken Lay in a heart attack (even though Skilling, the bastard from my alma mater, was the real criminal), yet the government is supporting and bailing out Wall St for doing exactly the same stuff to a much higher and damaging degree.  All the engineering Enron did was on the advice of Morgan Stanley, Goldman, and the best financial engineers at Harvard b-school and Wharton.  This system is so hypocritical...on a local level it's called corruption/criminal...at the Wall St level it's called innovation, and when it fails it's called macroeconomic downturn so "let's take everybody's tax money to pay these too-big-to-fail criminals off."  what a system.  

Ok, back to cow humor.  Laughing 

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)
strabes wrote:

Sager, yes the Enron piece is brilliant, but unfortunately that's exactly what the entire financial world, led by Wall St, has been doing for a while...it's why we're in this derivatives mess.  What's interesting is how the government pilloried Enron and prosecuted its execs until killing Ken Lay in a heart attack (even though Skilling, the bastard from my alma mater, was the real criminal), yet the government is supporting and bailing out Wall St for doing exactly the same stuff to a much higher and damaging degree.  All the engineering Enron did was on the advice of Morgan Stanley, Goldman, and the best financial engineers at Harvard b-school and Wharton.  This system is so hypocritical...on a local level it's called corruption/criminal...at the Wall St level it's called innovation, and when it fails it's called macroeconomic downturn so "let's take everybody's tax money to pay these too-big-to-fail criminals off."  what a system.  

Ok, back to cow humor.  Laughing 

Strabes,

You are so right on with your comments.

That's why I throw out a little humor from time-to-time. We all need a laugh to take our minds off the insanity - even if only for a moment!

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)
joe2baba wrote:

give me a break sam this is a serious site dedicated to hard cold statistics and analysis not some mumbo jumbo about cows

Joe,

You're a funny guy. Wink

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Ah a children's bedtime story in the making. Thanks Sam!

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Thanks for the laugh, humor often holds so many truths.

Capitalism doesn't mention exporting the cows (which were obtained in a hostile takeover) to a foreign country with non existing labor laws and lower product standards.

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)
suej wrote:

Capitalism doesn't mention exporting the cows (which were obtained in a hostile takeover) to a foreign country with non existing labor laws and lower product standards.

that's actually Wall St / Globalist Mercantilism.  Wink 

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Sam -

Great post - nicely played.

Well played indeed.

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Bush Administration

Had eight cows, four couldn't speak English so he sent them to india to answer U.S. phone calls,  one to Iraq to feed the troops but it got blown up when it mistook an IED for corn chops, and one cow was declared to be a subversive cow by Homeland Security and is doing 10 to 15 in Gitmo because it allegedly had a bomb implant in it's left hoof.

The other two cows grazed domestically and got very skinny.

Obama Administration

Inherited Bushs' two skinny cows and immediately gave each cow 6 trillion dollars. He noticed how skinny they were so he ordered free lipo-suction for both cows and plans to extend that program to every cow in America. He then ordered the 8th cow released from Gitmo and put it in charge of the IRS.

New IRS motto: eat chicken.......it's cheap!!

 

 

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

ECOVILLAGE-ISM

 

You have 2 cows.  They are free-range, grass-fed, antibiotic-and-hormone free, and your girlfriend Moonpie plays them lullabies every night on a Lakota-style flute she carved during a weekend-long workshop with an "authentic" shaman.  The milk they give is so pure and nutri-licious that it builds strong bones and teeth, takes wrinkles out of your face, and heals deep psychological wounds.  Then the TSHTF and your cows are hijacked, butchered and barbequed by a gang of Renegade Biker Zombies.

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

CONSPIRACY SCIENTOLOGY THEORISM -

You have two cows.  Xenu arrives in his spacecraft to pick up Tom Cruise, but he is on set and Xenu has to leave to make the time portal to the other side of the sun.  Xenu takes the cows instead, clones them, brings them back and picks up Tom. 

You now have four cows.

Shortly thereafter, Xenu returns Tom and takes the cows.

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

Holy cow...  you guys are very funny! 

Joe...  chill out man!

What about the Permaculture cow:

You have two cows, you buy a bull from Enron and get the cows pregnant.  While Enron's not watching, you turn the bull into compost.  The compost is then used to grow all the fruit and veggies, with the unintended bonus that the Enron Bull Compost makes everything in the garden grow exponentially.

When the cows give birth, you milk'em for all they're worth, return the calves to Enron and tell them you have a better way to grow cows than they do and ask for a big bonus.

When you get home to the farm, there's so much stuff growing you can feed the whole planet, and the crisis is over.

Mike 

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

THE GRATEFUL DEAD - LIVE FROM THE COW PALACE

Jerry Garcia is standing in a field of poppies playing his guitar, surrounded by 6 cows.  He is jamming away when one of the cows starts hollering that he is missing the chord changes and keeps playing E minor pentatonics.  Another cow keeps whispering the lyrics to Promised Land to him.  Jerry is very confused as all the cows are staring at him.

The acid wears off, the cows turn into the rest of the band members just as they start the encore - which is of course, US Blues.

 

 

 

Okay, so that was pretty lame.

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Re: 21 Economic Models Explained With Cows (Humor)

You guys are all nuts!

I guess it's a good thing you're here on this thread.

Keeps you from causing harm to all the other threads!  Wink

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