The Definitive Humor Thread

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  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 09:27pm

    #32
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

VanityFox, how could I forget Cleo Rocos, Sid Snot, and Cupid Stunt?

You also didn’t mention the Police, Tubeway Army/Gary Newman, and Ian Dury and the Blockheads, the Clash, The Jam, Thin Lizzy, Motorhead, Madness, and of course Status Quo, who relelased in 1979 the first of their songs "Whatever you Want" in 1986 of course they released their second song "In the Army now" (for those that don’t know this band they’ve release 24 albums and have more or less 2 songs).

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 09:32pm

    #33
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Yanking the thread back to its original purpose:

A guy is walking down the street with his
friend. He says to his friend, "I’m a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How’s that?"

"It’s like this — my hair line is in recession,
my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 10:10pm

    #34
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Sorry Sam…

Embarassed

A Man walks into the doctors with a frog on his head.

The Doctor says "how did this happen"

The Frog Says "Well it started with a bump on my ass"

 Smile

  • Fri, Apr 17, 2009 - 12:05am

    #35
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Paul –

I can’t believe you left off Woody Allen’s "Love and Death"

The Contessa –  

"Someday I hope to build on it" 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ny-hYMO6Ssk

Finale –

  • Fri, Apr 17, 2009 - 02:33am

    #36
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

[quote=Gungnir] Ah Musician Jokes [/quote]

Bagpipes were given to England as a gift from the Scots . . . .

 . . . .  unfortunately, the English still haven’t figured out that is was a joke . . . .

  • Fri, Apr 17, 2009 - 02:39am

    #37
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

[quote=c1oudfire]

[quote=Gungnir] Ah Musician Jokes [/quote]

Bagpipes were given to England as a gift from the Scots . . . .

 . . . .  unfortunately, the English still haven’t figured out that is was a joke . . . .

[/quote]

 

Hey…as a musician (and part Scot), I must protest…

(note I am not insisting everyone love bagpipes, wear kilts or eat haggis [though doing all three is a lovely way to spend a rainy afternoon])…

 

  • Fri, Apr 17, 2009 - 10:54am

    #38
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Serious business humour threadsLaughing

An American, Australian and an Englishman were stranded together on a desert island.

After many years together, one day the three men were walking along the beach where they saw an old bottle that had been washed up.

Immediately, the American opened the bottle. There was a grand smoke filled flash with a loud bang and a Genie appeared.

The Genie said, ”I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years, and as a reward, I will grant you all one wish”.

The American straight away said, “I want to go back home to New York”.

With a wave of the Genie’s hand, the American disappeared in a flash and a puff of smoke. 

The Australian said, “Please send me back to my home in Sydney”.

“No Problem”, the Genie answered. And the Austrialian disappeared in a farting crack. 

Suddenly, out of a clear blue sky came a thundering crash.

Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky and onto the beach.

The elephant picked himself up and looked around.

He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said apologetically, “Sorry chaps, I appear to be in the wrong joke!”

  • Fri, Apr 17, 2009 - 01:16pm

    #21
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Ahhumm (cough) Greg,

The streaker…Cool

If you liked that, I think you’ll love this :-

[Ed.note: George Carlin’s "Seven Words" . . . no.]

Best,

Paul

(edit) Two deletes…naughty boy!!!

Live Life, Love Music…Tongue out… :-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9JYq-mXprw

  • Fri, Apr 17, 2009 - 05:24pm

    #39
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Dogs,

"NOOOOOO, I forgot Love and Death !!!!!!!!!Foot in mouth

Forget love and death though, I wanna be a pickled immortalWink

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caeXUgw7bwY&feature=channel_page

Gungnir,

I was 11 in 1979, and well into Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, with a side-order of Rush 2112. Loved ‘Madness’ but dug Roy Harper much much more. My mentor for folk, rock and blues was a short step across my back-garden with my guitar in hand. It was years later that I appreciated all of the bands you’ve quoted from the time, but my heart remains with this man and, if I’ve created a convert in you, so much the better, because I practiced this song until my fingers were raw, knowing that I’d gotten it right when I played it on stage and the front row stood up and clapped with tears in their eyes :-

Nick Drake has a similar effect :-

…but this is a comedy thread!!!

Best,

Paul

  • Sat, Apr 18, 2009 - 01:47am

    #40
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a
little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties..The Taliban
asked, ‘Do you have water?’

The Jewish man replied, ‘I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.’

The Taliban shouted, ‘Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need
water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!’

‘Ok,’ said the old Jewish man, ‘it does not matter that you do not want

to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger
than
that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles,
you
will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.
Shalom.’

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours
later he staggered back, almost dead.

‘Your brother won’t let me in without a tie!’

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