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The Definitive Humor Thread

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  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 02:59am

    #12
    Peak Prosperity Admin

    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Ah Musician Jokes

Q: What’s the best way to play an Accordian?

A: With a Hammer

 

Q: What’s the definition of a Gentleman

A: A man who knows how to play the Banjo, but chooses not to.

 

Q: How do you tell if the stage is level

A: The drummer drools from both sides of his mouth

 

Q: What’s the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that’s just eaten a tin of baked beans?

A: One’s a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.

 

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?

A: Evidently all of them

 

Q: How do you know that it’s the lead singer knocking at your front door?

A: You open the door and they still doesn’t know when to come in.

(I figured I wouldn’t be prejudiced, except against the accordian)

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 03:00am

    #13
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

[quote=cat233]

Re post #6

Sam,

You are a wise man, it appears you understand women… Smile

Cat

[/quote]

Hey Cat!

It’s taken me 65 years so far and I find that I’m still wet behind the ears!

Maybe I’ll understand in my next life (although I wouldn’t bet my next life on it)!  Wink

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 03:02am

    #14
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

[quote=Aaron Moyer]

All the elements here are perfect for a quote from one of my philosophical Idols… it could probably be taken as humor:

[quote]Women and Cats will do as they please, and Men and Dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert Heinlein [/quote]

Cheers,

Aaron

[/quote]

Now that’s funny and not funny all at the same time!

As one who is owned by a female cat, I’m in double trouble!

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 03:13am

    #15
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Ain’t it the truth!
I’m in the same boat. My wife is the Architype Leo. =)

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 03:59am

    #16
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

[quote=Gungnir]

Ah Musician Jokes

[/quote]

Don’t get me started! 

[quote=Gungnir]

Q: How do you tell if the stage is level

A: The drummer drools from both sides of his mouth

[/quote] 

Q: what do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?

A: A drummer 

[quote=Gungnir]

 

Q: What’s the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that’s just eaten a tin of baked beans?

A: One’s a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.

[/quote]

Q: What do bass solos and premature ejaculation have in common?

A: You can always tell when they’re coming, but there’s nothing you can do about it! 

[quote=Gungnir]

Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?

A: Evidently all of them

[/quote]

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down?

A: Put a chart in front of him

                     and 

Q: What’s the definition of counterpoint?

A: Two guitar players reading the same chart 

[quote=Gungnir]

Q: How do you know that it’s the lead singer knocking at your front door?

A: You open the door and they still doesn’t know when to come in.

[/quote] 

Not only don’t they know when to come in, of course they never have the key, either!

                     

Hopefully these aren’t too inside for everybody else!

Peace

Greg 

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 04:22am

    #17
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

[quote=Dogs_In_A_Pile]

Staying with the music theme………. 

Q:  How do you get two oboe players in tune?

A:  Shoot one of them.

 

[/quote]

Q: What’s the definition of a minor 2nd?

A: Two oboe players playing in unison.

            

[quote=Dogs_In_A_Pile]

And this for Vanity –

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  A fish.

[/quote] 

He should like this one, too.

Q: How many female singers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. She just holds the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her. 

But here’s one specially for you, Dogs

Q: How do you sum up the life of Jerry Garcia in just three words?

A: Grate, Full, and Dead 

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 04:23am

    #18
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

It’s gunna be deleted so ya better be quickWink

[Ed. note: You’re quite right…]

Surrealists Rick…

Best,

Paul

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 04:31am

    #19
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

That was great, Paul. I especially liked the streaker!

Greg 

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 05:13am

    #20
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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

Too funny, Vanityfox451, too funny!  Laughing

  • Thu, Apr 16, 2009 - 05:59am

    #23
    Peak Prosperity Admin

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    Re: The Definitive Humor Thread

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a
ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don’t do it!"

"Why shouldn’t I?" he said.

"Well,
there’s so much to live for."

"Like what?"

"Well, are you religious?"

He said yes.

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me
too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist." "Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you
Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said, "Die, you idiot heretic scum!!"
And pushed him off the bridge.

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