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Spouse who just don’t get it?

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  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 03:11am

    #61
    capesurvivor

    capesurvivor

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    quite true

Yes, it has also been very frustrating for me since 2008 when I returned from the Rowe conference, though I had already been thinking about the Big Predicaments for a few years since reading The Long Emergency.  I have done what I can do in most areas,  though I regret that achieving a sense of community does not seem to be in the cards. My wife will never change in her rock-solid sheeplehood, though she tolerates a few of my preps as long as I don’t start ranting when I watch MSM. . At least my adult son  is well aware of the declining nature of our society and lifestyle. He has good friends, has put most of his savings into gold and silver Eagles, believes nothing from authority, and knows how to use firearms.

CS

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 11:03am

    #62

    pinecarr

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    What I am finding is that

What I am finding is that people tend to hear what Chris and others have to say about our current predicament better once they themselves start asking questions.  Unless the person’s mind is on the “open” switch -either because they are self-driven to be asking questions themselves, or because they are  by nature open-minded enough consider potentially belief-changing information, which appears to be rare- they are not going to truly listen.  I’m thinking  that the more people personally observe and are affected by the economic and energy-related situations, the more people will start to ask questions (mind switch to “open”).

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 02:21pm

    #63

    Phil Williams

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    I quit

I am very grateful to have a supportive wife, who gets it, and is actually interested in continual learning and preparing. However, outside of her, I have gotten zero traction.

 Three years ago, I made a concerted effort to get my family, and my wife’s family on board. I had been making preps since 2006′, but I was not vocal about it. Naively, I thought if we helped each other, we could face these issues together. I can honestly say that it turned out to be a complete disaster for me. I know everyone is thinking that I was probably too pushy, or too political, or whatever, but I am a fairly quiet person, with no political affiliation, and I tried to delicately appeal to reason.

The end result with my family, was that basically everyone has not done a thing, but in a SHTF situation, they think I will be an oasis. I told them in a polite way, that I have a two bedroom house, and while I might be able to help two people max, I will not and cannot help everyone. Everyone in my family is employed, and has the means to make major changes, but they refuse to sacrifice. If anything, since 2008′ they have wasted more money on worthless crap. For example, my mother who is in debt, but just financed a new car. I told her to just drive her old one until it dies. She wanted a car with all the “new” technology in it. My dad told me that if things get bad he will just take what he needs, and he can plant a garden then. As a former green beret, he may be able to take what he needs, but I don’t think the garden is going to be successful if you’ve never done it. After four years, I’m still learning tons, and making mistakes. My brothers and sister get it, sort of, but they have done nothing to prepare. I think they are stuck in normalcy bias. I also think people who have jobs think that these issues are the poor’s problem. They are too smart and too skilled to have to worry about unemployment. At this point I don’t talk about these issues with my family, and I sense relief from them. I think they were humoring me all along.

The end result with my wife’s family was even worse. My sister-in-law is a corporate exec with a doctorate, who is highly intelligent, but thinks she knows everything, and has the emotional maturity of a teenager. She was extremely uncomfortable with what I was concerned about for the future. She blamed me for her lazy teenager not wanting to go to college. Incidentally, the teenager is going. It’s a waste of 100K if you ask me, and yes I kept that opinion to myself. It’s flattering that she thinks I have that much influence, but I can assure you I don’t. I tried to help my wife’s parents, and my brother in law, and they were getting it, but the sister-in-law discredited me. Last Christmas was a disaster. Early in the year I suggested only presents for the kids so as to save money, and not buy useless crap. Everyone agreed, then on X-mas the sister-in-law bought everyone gifts, except for my wife and I. Apparently she had a good year downsizing American workers, and wanted to share the wealth. So now that the stock market is back up, everyone is doing well, I am full of it. I have lost all credibilty at this point.   

So, I quit. I have basically completely shut up. I no longer say anything. I listen to the nonsense that people talk about constantly, and it amazes me how blind people are to what is right in front of their face. If I had a nickel for every time I heard “when the economy recovers”, I would have a few gold eagles by now. I think people are looking for some cinema style sign that it is time to do something, but I’m not sure it’s going to be like that. I think we will have a slow grinding decline that will affect people individually. You may be fine, until the day that you lose your job.

I just continue to do the best I can to prepare, and I realize that it may still be insufficient. I hope everyone else has better luck. 

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 02:38pm

    #64

    Poet

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    Take What He Needs?

[quote=zeroenergy21]

My dad told me that if things get bad he will just take what he needs, and he can plant a garden then. As a former green beret, he may be able to take what he needs, but I don’t think the garden is going to be successful if you’ve never done it.

[/quote]

ZeroEnergy21

If your father is so lacking in moral character as to plan on on taking “what he needs” if things go bad, then I suspect he will have a very short lifespan post-SHTF when the person he wants to take from, kills him for his attempt. It may not happen on his first or second try, but it surely will happen.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who think they’ll “take what they need” and go “hunting in the woods.” May they all find each other in the woods, because most certainly there aren’t enough wild boar or deer.

That said, I am glad your wife is on board. I wish mine was. Then again, it’s hard enough already to be stressed out taking care of two babies with no help when I am away at work, and very little sleep for both of us – she doesn’t tack on additional negative thoughts and a sense of helplesness from the deteriorating economy and our limited resources. I have similar frustrations with my family and immediate relatives.

Poet

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 02:44pm

    #65
    kaman

    kaman

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    Zero-I’ve experienced the

Zero-

I’ve experienced the same thing.  Only recently, when natural disasters have frequently been in the news, has anyone mentioned that taking steps to avoid being left out in the cold following a flood/tornado/earthquake/volcano/fire or other life changing event, actually makes some sense.  Then the other day my wife mentioned that she had seen on TV that many movie and music stars are preparing for tough times – just like me. Imagine that.

Until they wake up a little bit, just keep your Noah face on and stay busy. Be mentally prepared to make some hard choices if they don’t.

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 03:09pm

    #66
    JohnDoe2b

    JohnDoe2b

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    Catch-22

If everybody recognized what was coming over the horizon and took steps to protect themselves, their loved ones and their communities, the economy would grind to a halt in a matter of weeks. Only people employed in providing bare necessities would keep their current jobs, and we would quickly discover that assets such as pensions, stocks and bonds are worthless. Commodities and real estate would have utility value only. The only thing that props up our precarious economy is a shared delusion that things will be fine in the future. The real job of the federal government is to allow people to gradually lose their standard of living without causing a panic and shooting each other. It’s a classic “prisoner’s dilemna”.

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 03:11pm

    #67

    Dogs_In_A_Pile

    Status Platinum Member (Offline)

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    zeroenergy21 wrote:The end

[quote=zeroenergy21]

The end result with my family, was that basically everyone has not done a thing, but in a SHTF situation, they think I will be an oasis. I told them in a polite way, that I have a two bedroom house, and while I might be able to help two people max, I will not and cannot help everyone. Everyone in my family is employed, and has the means to make major changes, but they refuse to sacrifice. If anything, since 2008′ they have wasted more money on worthless crap. For example, my mother who is in debt, but just financed a new car. I told her to just drive her old one until it dies. She wanted a car with all the “new” technology in it. My dad told me that if things get bad he will just take what he needs, and he can plant a garden then. As a former green beret, he may be able to take what he needs, but I don’t think the garden is going to be successful if you’ve never done it. After four years, I’m still learning tons, and making mistakes. My brothers and sister get it, sort of, but they have done nothing to prepare. I think they are stuck in normalcy bias. I also think people who have jobs think that these issues are the poor’s problem. They are too smart and too skilled to have to worry about unemployment. At this point I don’t talk about these issues with my family, and I sense relief from them. I think they were humoring me all along.

<snip>

So, I quit. I have basically completely shut up. I no longer say anything. I listen to the nonsense that people talk about constantly, and it amazes me how blind people are to what is right in front of their face. If I had a nickel for every time I heard “when the economy recovers”, I would have a few gold eagles by now. I think people are looking for some cinema style sign that it is time to do something, but I’m not sure it’s going to be like that. I think we will have a slow grinding decline that will affect people individually. You may be fine, until the day that you lose your job.

I just continue to do the best I can to prepare, and I realize that it may still be insufficient. I hope everyone else has better luck. 

[/quote]

Zero –

Great post, and as much as I despise quoting the old Arkansas Chug-a-bug, Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain.”

I have been floating this with my family for over two years now and have had very little positive response.  But I will say that every now and then there is a small victory that makes me keep trying.  At first nobody would even consider watching Crash Course, or at best they got about a half hour in and bailed out with the “That could never happen” reply.

So I backed off.  And then my parents called with a “What do you think we should do? question.  I told them to give their copy of Crash Course to their financial advisor – who immediately restructured their retirement accounts and added silver and gold.  They are both in their mid-70s and the reality is they will probably miss out on the worst of the upcoming party, but I was encouraged by their steps to add a little resiliency to their lives.

My sisters and their families?  Not so much.  The responses ranged from “Yeah right.” to “How is the underground bunker coming along?”  A year or so ago, for my nephew’s birthday, we offered him a choice – $20 cash right now, or an ounce of silver IIRC, it was around $11/oz.  We told him to watch Crash Course and do a little homework.  He came back right away and took the silver.  I am the oldest child, and my kids are essentially grown and on their own (sorta) – my sisters’ kids are much younger so they are still focused on the typical trappings of a household with kids ranging from elementary school to just starting college – dance, sports, prom, etc.  Hopefully they will begin to see things for what they are becoming.

We also got the “If it gets bad, we’ll just come to your house.”  My response?  “Bring a tent.”

[quote]

I think we will have a slow grinding decline that will affect people individually.

[/quote]

I think this is a profound observation and is key to what we are trying to do.  As people become impacted, they will become more receptive.  As this mess grinds its way onward, it will spit people out – those are the people we need to be watching for.  Let’s just hope enough people get chewed up and spit out or wake up and see the decline while there is still time to affect change.

Your circumstances are your own, but I would encourage you to hang in there and not completely give up.  We rarely talk about it with our families the way we used to, but every now and then it comes up, and I have noticed the questions and comments are a lot less dismissive than they were just a year ago.

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 04:31pm

    #68

    Adam Taggart

    Status Platinum Member (Offline)

    Joined: May 25 2009

    Posts: 2618

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    Twilight Zone “The Shelter”

Here’s a way to come at the preparedness discussion from a different angle. Most folks still comfortably snug in ‘normality’ have difficulty hearing our message without it sounding preachy or histrionic. Watching the Crash Course strikes many of them as too much like “homework”.

So simply invite them to watch a TV show: an oldie, but goodie. Remember the black & white ‘Twilight Zone’ show? Da da da, da da da….. Those stories were inventive, quirky and sometimes pretty cool. Should actually be fun.

Ask them to watch the TZ episode “The Shelter”, from 1961. It’s an old parable of Cold War vulnerability, but the message holds as true today as it did then: the veneer of safety & civility in our society can unravel faster than people realize during moments of stress. And the difference between being somewhat prepared vs not when that happens is immense (thought not necessarily enough, as the episode shows)

The episode does a good job of challenging the complacency of those who currently ridicule preppers and those whose plan is to show up on your doorstep if crisis hits. At a minimum, it should gain you a modicum of increased tolerance from your family members. But it may also serve as that ice-breaker to a more honest discussion about why you’re prepping and why they may want to start participating (or at least, stop obstructing).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swGpvc5JdJU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC2LPOxBSkk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjZS059-r5Y&feature=related

Of course, we’re mostly prepping for the slow descent vs the punctuated crisis featured in this episode. So you’ll want to convey after they watch it that we’re about building sustainable resiliency vs bunkers. But hopefully at least you’ll now have their attention to do so.

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 05:07pm

    #69
    capesurvivor

    capesurvivor

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    good show

I never missed TZ, great show. I remember that episode.

One of my favorite 50’s “Z” movies was “Panic in the Year Zero” where a middle class family dad takes his family to a gun shop on the way out of fleeing town in front of the upcoming disaster.  The whole family goes into the shop while the owner shows the dad how to load and chamber a .45 acp round, then unloads it. The dad wants to buy the pistol but the guy wants cash, not a check, as I remember (pre credit-cards) so the dad, desperate, grabs the gun, chambers a rounds, leaves the check, and they leave the premises. I think he promises to come back with cash but when they do, the shop is devastated. Or so memory says.

I agree with Pinecarr about the “open mind” concept. Unless some “aha” experience pokes someone with a closed mind, they will continue on as before. We have become a  country of people who only watch and listen to people who agree with us. Novel ideas or more complex thoughts are not in vogue. If your spouse is a sheeple, you can only await the “aha” moment of a real but nonlethal disaster to, perhaps, awaken him/her. Or maybe it won’t happen.

All things don’t always come to he who waits.

Dogs, I thought your family was on board…big garden, food storage, or is my just-about-to-take-early-SS brain a bit fogged out?

CS

  • Tue, Jun 14, 2011 - 05:18pm

    #70

    Dogs_In_A_Pile

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    capesurvivor wrote:Dogs, I

[quote=capesurvivor]

Dogs, I thought your family was on board…big garden, food storage, or is my just-about-to-take-early-SS brain a bit fogged out?

CS

[/quote]

CS –

9 other households – all friends, all local, all close by.  Not a one of them immediate family.  If I ever see the day when my youngest sister stops to listen and ask more questions either the apocalypse is upon us or everyone else in the world is already on board.

Cat tells me her sister and brother in law just recently ordered a year’s worth of Mountain House.

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