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Prepping With A Reluctant Partner

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Viewing 10 posts - 61 through 70 (of 82 total)
  • Mon, Apr 03, 2017 - 05:13pm

    #61
    agitating prop

    agitating prop

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    Herewegoagain, thanks for

Herewegoagain, thanks for your response and…I think I know what you are referring to now. Some sites forums, blogs are frequented disproportionately by Macho men looking forward to a collapse. They imagine a future where they are holed up in their prepper compounds with their 'womenfolk,' mowing down their zombie neighbours in a hail of bullets. Odd combination of frontier fortress mentality combined with modern zombie movie sensibilities. I have been on forums where there were some of these guys, but they were always a distinct minority and because they were a minority, they were very careful about what they said about women! I am guessing it would be quite different otherwise!

These guys want to take us back to the ’50’s….the 1850’s!

  • Mon, Apr 03, 2017 - 10:31pm

    #62
    macro2682

    macro2682

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    Question for Chris…

Chris,

If you are willing to share… What was the timing on your success with Peak Prosperity, CM.com and the Crash course?  How much of a leap did you guys really take?  How many years' of savings did you have before quitting your job? Was it a hard quit, or did you take a leave of absence first?  Were you able to start seeing page views before making these changes permanent?

this is obviously personal, so you might not want to answer..

 

  • Tue, Apr 04, 2017 - 11:32am

    #63
    fated

    fated

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    denial and comfort, or personal growth.

Macro – thanks for sharing your story.  It's prompted a number of interesting comments!.

I have experienced social anxiety, amongst other mental illnesses, and learned over time you must consciously decide to either sink further down the rabbit hole of dysfunction and despair, or put in a BIG effort to step up to the plate, learn about your condition and how to change it, and gain personal insight and growth. Your wife is making (consciously of otherwise) a decision at the moment to stay 'safely' where she is with her anxiety. You may be enabling some of this, but I also sense you are providing well for her and your children, and preparing for the future. With another child on the way it may be some time before she has the energy and time to explore her mental health, so you may need to sit with the status quo of her opinions/reactions to what you are doing for now.

I personally found a part of my problem was I sensed the world wasn't right, it wasn't working for me, and having a job and working hard only kept me poor. I didn't have a purpose in life, other than trying to make money to pay bills and eat. Using money as a measure of status is pointless and belittling when you have very little. Discovering what was wrong with the world drove me deeper into mental illness for a time, (PTSD, post-natal depression and discovering peak oil don't go well together!) but then I emerged with clarity and purpose. Nothing was magically fixed overnight, but things made sense and general unease disappeared as I identified and made sense of previously shadowy threats and figured out why the capital/consumer model wasn't working for me.

Your wife's anxiety is part of fight, flight and freeze. Her mind and body right now are overwhelmed dealing with real/perceived threats to her safety, and the last thing she wants is new frightening information to deal with. If she trusts you, and trusts that you have not lost your marbles, then she should have no problem with your preparations as long as you aren't displaying them for the world to see and judge her by.

She will need to deal with her demons before things get hard, otherwise they will be a liability to her and your family.

Please don't assume I'm belittling either of your knowledge or experiences, I just want to let you know there are others out there who have had her same condition, and are now confident and preparing for a different lifestyle. With time we all grow and change.

  • Tue, Apr 04, 2017 - 10:52pm

    #64
    macro2682

    macro2682

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    Thanks Fated…

Thanks for the reply fated.  Baby was born a few weeks ago, so I'll definitely have to wait a bit before I try to engage further.  But I think our relationship is probably stuck where it is.  She doesn't really trust me, and doesn't really care to learn about my concerns. She views the situation as binary (either I'm crazy or not). She views my desire for preparedness as a risk (that I'll go crazy).   I've accepted this already and am just gonna have to deal with it.  

I don't share my views with many people.  Only my parents and closest friends.    

  • Wed, Apr 05, 2017 - 02:19am

    #65
    agitating prop

    agitating prop

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    macro2682 wrote:Thanks for

[quote=macro2682]

Thanks for the reply fated.  Baby was born a few weeks ago, so I'll definitely have to wait a bit before I try to engage further.  But I think our relationship is probably stuck where it is.  She doesn't really trust me, and doesn't really care to learn about my concerns. She views the situation as binary (either I'm crazy or not). She views my desire for preparedness as a risk (that I'll go crazy).   I've accepted this already and am just gonna have to deal with it.  

I don't share my views with many people.  Only my parents and closest friends.    

[/quote]

Of all the articles, posts I have read on Peak Prosperity over the years, I think yours has been the most valuable. You have been honest about the frustrations of your situation while maintaining an attitude of understanding for your wife. Thank you.

  • Wed, Apr 05, 2017 - 02:21am

    #66
    aggrivated

    aggrivated

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    Babies and family chemistry

My experience has been that babies have huge ramifications on family chemistry. Roles expand. Some things go away. Things feel different. I’ve seen men feel rejected because the mother of their child became focused on the baby and they didn’t step into their new role as a dad. I’ve also seen a similar change happen when a partner gets deeply involved in work or a new cause. Suddenly that interest is viewed as a threat to the relationship. For all of us there will be a difference of enthusiasm from us and our partner for prepping. Finding creative ways to keep that tension a creative rather than destructive force in the relationship is critical.

  • Wed, Apr 05, 2017 - 02:39am

    #67
    agitating prop

    agitating prop

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    Fated,I admire your

Fated, I admire your strength. You've overcome a LOT. It is so great that your general sense of unease was reduced rather than increased by taking on the challenge of learning about the three E's. This is something that should be driven home to reluctant spouses who fear their mates are going crazy. Some people become sick with anxiety in the world we have been born into, so there is no choice but to figure out what's wrong. Some people become extremely depressed and others try to create a bubble of illusion from which they cope by keeping the world at bay. But reality has a way of asserting itself, in the end.

  • Wed, Apr 05, 2017 - 03:53am

    #68
    Amiga

    Amiga

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    FWIW

Hi, guys.  I may have missed a post or posts from female partners, but I know I did not see many.

It's not just the wimmins who seem to be reluctant or resistant about planning for a future that is quite different from the recent past.

I started making changes like building up a pantry, and faced quite a bit of flak.  Suggestions about spending money on resilience projects were rejected out of hand, often with a phrase similar to "if it gets that bad we are going to die anyway."  So my preps went stealth for years.

Fast forward ten years.

I was able to "win" and had a manual well-pump installed 39 hours before a hurricane knocked out our grid access for nearly a week.  That may have been the turning point.  Not 180 degrees, but just a bit.

I now have fewer arguments when buying a little extra for the pantry.  I got "the look" today wanting to spend an extra few bucks for two more cans of tomato sauce, for crying out loud.  On the other hand, someone has discovered that not having to drive to the store in a snowstorm is kinda nice.

So it is still a mixed bag.  Part of the change is that I am finding my own voice.  I can say, without fearing disapproval, what I think.  The disapproval still shows up sometimes, but I don't care.  My argument is along the lines of "this is the right thing to do regardless."  Sometimes I have simply said, "this is what I want to do.  It is not a bad thing."

The really large projects languish.  That's due to how our relationship works.  Oh, well.  I want a masonry heater, small solar PV system and an aquaponics system.  I have not been able to prevail – yet.  You see, I respect my spouse and I understand I do not know everything and I am not always right.  So we continue to discuss these things after a fashion.  I may act unilaterally after all on one or more of these at some point.  We will see.

There are times I do things without talking about them.  I don't consider anything I am doing extreme, and don't feel like giving someone an opportunity to criticize.  In fact, I am working to make not only my own life but the lives of others more tolerable if not pleasant.

 

  • Wed, Apr 05, 2017 - 06:48am

    #69
    Emily Terrell

    Emily Terrell

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    Congratulations, DAD!

Macro, congratulations on the new baby. Worry less about the TEOTWAWKI right now or even the relationship issues and be excited about the new life. The sun still shines (I think, it's not been true in Seattle much), the birds still sing. Whatever may come is not likely to come right now. Enjoy the baby. Steal sleep. Wonder how long you've been wearing that shirt. 

  • Wed, Apr 05, 2017 - 10:27am

    #70
    fated

    fated

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    Life goes on

Congratulations Macro. Hope all is well with the littlest member of your family.

We can all see life goes on (and babies are born) even as the world around us deteriorates.

You said – 'I don't share my views with many people.  Only my parents and closest friends.'  

I think there are many of us on this site with the same attitude.

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