Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill

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  • Mon, Jan 04, 2010 - 09:10pm

    #11
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

I feel so alone

Try being a single dad fully responsible for two little kids (6 and 8), like I am.  But like Chris says, you have to trust yourself.  And then you start kicking some ass.  We are all capable of so much, but often it doesn’t come out until a huge challenge like this appears.

BTW – I too am very impressed with what you’ve accomplished so quickly.

 

 

  • Mon, Jan 04, 2010 - 11:23pm

    #12
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

Laura,

Take a deep breath!  It sounds to me like you have a lot of things going for you. 

  1. You are established in a rural community.
  2. You have friends in the community.
  3. You own land.
  4. You have started making preperations (and are quite well along for 4 months).
  5. Relavtively small amount of debt.

You are already better prepared than 99% of the population.  There is no amount of preperation that can give you 100% security so don’t let this become an obsession and have it cost you your marriage.  Don’t forget you also need to live you life right now.

I have been on this site for more than a year and I wish I was as 1/4 as ready as you already are.  I know where you are coming from mentally is not a pleasant place.  I am personally stuck in the burbs with a wife and kids and still don’t know a single person (including family) that shares my fears about the future.  My current situation seems too good to make major changes right now and by the time I am truly ready, it will most likely be too late.

I also have money in a 401k and IRA and have been worried about their safety.  The problem with tapping them is the penalties and  tax consequences might be just too much to bear unless you are convinced that the collapse is immenent. 

Keep in mind that some people around here may have completely cashed out more than a decade ago ( Y2K / peak oil / … ).  I sometimes wonder if they may have lost their perspective on the possiblity that the current system can keep going a lot longer than would seem logically possible and they may almost secretly hope for a collapse as a form of self validation.

It is always good to prepare for the worst but I also think you should at least try and hope for the best.  Good luck!

  • Mon, Jan 04, 2010 - 11:37pm

    #13
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

Hello Laura,

 

  I like your honesty, and this thread is a great benchmark for all preparedness and relationship topics. I’d like to share a few thoughts. 

 

  You are more prepared for any man-made or natural disaster than 98% of the people you see on the street. Take a moment to let that sink in. That’s a big accomplishment. Prior to that – in your sheeple days – you managed debt very well, maintained a dual income career track, and raised a healthy family. Again, not an easy task. You are BADASS! Very well done.

 

  You’ve reached your husband’s economic collapse limit and he let you know it. You can assume he’s noticed the wine, the teeth-grinding, the often furrowed brow of worry and discontent also. I’ll bet he’s concerned about those more than the retirement accounts.

 

  My wife went along with the 7 4×4 square foot gardening boxes, water filtration, back-up generator, food prep (3 months, for the two of us), pistol and minimal ammo, reserve cash, and I went to the CC seminar in VA last April. She then let me know it was time to back off…so I did. I just let the rest go. From here on, we’ll do our best with what we’ve got.

 

  The retirement savings thing seems to be sticking in your craw a bit. Perhaps the wine and teeth-grinding are symptoms of that field that you never got plowed. I advise you to just let it go by putting your husband back on point for retirement fund investing. He’ll do fine. Just set that burden right on his shoulders and take a long break from it. Don’t talk or think about it again until Easter. Focus your attention elsewhere. It’s his baby unless he asks for your advice, then by all means jump back in.

 

  The food and skills you’ve gathered are far more valuable in my opinion. By all means continue with the chickens, gardening and canning. Those are great things to develop friendships and community around (composting club anyone?), not a big hairy disaster prep task. 

 

  Here’s a small recommendation: You didn’t mention whether you do any physical fitness activities. There are lots of fully integrated DVD series that you can do at home, at a reasonable price. ChaLEAN Extreme is just one example to get you started with resistance training with very little equipment. On nutrition, look at Tony Gonzalez’ “The All Pro Diet”. I guarantee your husband knows who Tony Gonzalez is. It is mostly a plant based diet…from an all-pro football player…How can that be? Exercise helps regulate mood. Proper diet is essential for …ahem… those of us at a certain age. My wife and I turned 50 last year. We work out together and it’s been a great morale builder.

 

Just my 2 cents,

Paul

 

  • Mon, Jan 04, 2010 - 11:43pm

    #14
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

Don’t worry: Once you alert your husband that he lost 10k, 20k or whatever the amount WILL be and give him that “Told ya” the first thing he will ask you is where you are hiding the red pill.

I cashed out of all paper, we paid taxes like I have never paid taxes, it pushed us into the worst bracket. My motto, something is better than nothing.

 

  • Tue, Jan 05, 2010 - 01:31am

    #15
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

Ah yes, those were the days – It took my better half seeing Crude Awakening (AKA Crude Impact) to realize living in the real world didn’t have time for playing video games, parties, dinners out, traveling and movies after retirement. All it took was saying “honey you gotta see this!” and he was on-board.

I think your uncomfortable feelings are normal for how short a time you have taken the red pill. It’s a huge step and once taken – you can never go back – only deeper into the rabbit hole. Your family and friends will eventually come to realize you are not who they thought they you were and may or may not take your seriously. Don’t waiver. and don’t say more. When they need you – you will be there and you will be ready for whatever comes next.

But know this – you are a brave woman and you are not just doing this for yourself. You do this for your husband and your family’s safety. That’s why you panic – you obviously feel you are not ready for this and have been making a mad dash to once again feel safe and in control. It gets easier after you have your plan and act on it. Constantly work on priorizing your plan and keep the faith. Most on this site have been there, done that and are just as ready as you are.  Play Your End Game and Play it Well.

Peace – EGP

  • Tue, Jan 05, 2010 - 01:46am

    #16
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

LW,

A link for you to the Peak Oil Blues (POB) blog site.  A few mental health specialists have gathered together to provide information, help, feedback from a professional mental health viewpoint pertaining to our never-before-encountered predicament.  Also there is a page of jokes, rather old but good for belly laughs nonetheless.    Maybe you’d like to start learning how to make your own wine?

 
 
  • Tue, Jan 05, 2010 - 02:13am

    #17
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

Just wanted to add a couple things, Laura:

1.  Don’t get caught up in trying to Control things;  there is no Controlling it.  Imagine you’re surfing a very large wave.  You cannot control that very large wave.  You can only hope to surf it well.  Go YouTube some North Shore Hawai`i Pipeline videos.  Just prepare to ride the wave.

2.  Re: what other people (spouse, friends/family, whoever) think:  check the line in my sig:  “One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice.”

Viva — Sager

  • Tue, Jan 05, 2010 - 02:33am

    #18
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

[quote=SagerXX]

Imagine you’re surfing a very large wave.  

[/quote]





sorry, I couldn’t resist.

  • Tue, Jan 05, 2010 - 02:37am

    #19
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

Laura

I also commend you on the preparations you’ve made.  You are incredibly efficient and have done twice as much as I have in half the time.  I think it is fine to enjoy yourself some.  Go out to the movies or to a nice dinner.  Enjoy some time with your husband.  Just always keep in the back of your mind that change is ahead of us and keep on quietly and consistently making preparations.  And don’t get frustrated.  Nobody can be completely prepared. 

i did bump heads with my wife over this issue.  For a while, she probably thought I lost my marbles.  After a year of slowly exposing my wife to various reading materials, she finally took the red pill.  I think to some degree at some level, your husband understands that things are not well.  We will be seeing more economic shocks this year and that will continue to peck away at his belief system.  You can carefully use those opportunities to further educate him.  I would try to be like Chris Martenson when presenting him with new information.  Provide your husband with the facts, but remain unemotional.  Let him come to his own conclusions.

Brian

  • Tue, Jan 05, 2010 - 02:44am

    #20
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    Re: Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red …

JAG: Is that the video of the spouse who doesn’t listen and or the doing nothing husband and wife combo unit?

Laura, my wife had one foot in my insane boat – until she lost a chunk of her money. For the record, it was the only time in my 18 year marriage that I was ever right about anything!Wink

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