Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill

Login or register to post comments Last Post 51892 reads   99 posts
Viewing 9 posts - 91 through 99 (of 99 total)
  • Fri, Aug 19, 2011 - 06:34pm

    #91

    Dogs_In_A_Pile

    Status Platinum Member (Offline)

    Joined: Jan 04 2009

    Posts: 824

    count placeholder0

    Hear, hear….

[quote=ccpetersmd]

Pinecarr,

I’m very sorry to hear about your domestic problems! They can be tough problems, to be certain. I very much liked Saffron’s advice, as it reminds me greatly of the balance we have struck in our home.

I’m blessed with a wife who at least understands most of the concerns with which we are faced regarding the economy, sustainability, etc. That said, my wife, Julie, is less engaged in thinking about such issues day-to-day, and is more concerned about our boys, their schooling, their friends, etc. At times, I am almost frustrated by her lack of attention to details that I think are so important. "Why do you care about which school they will attend, knowing the world is crumbling?", I might think at times, without actually asking. Still, in the end, it is my wife that keeps me grounded. Without her, I might be off living in the wilderness somewhere; or, at the opposite extreme, obsessively trawling the internet for more news, day after day. As bright as I may like to believe I am, it is my wife who is stronger and better grounded. Together, we have struck a nice balance. It is not an always tranquil balance, but more like a seesaw, going up and down, but maintaining a steady center.

Nothing is more important to me than my life with my wife and three sons. I do what I can to ensure the security of that life, while my wife continues to remind me of the underlying purpose behind my education and preparations. As much as I would like to be personally secure and without worry, I would much rather feel uncertain and insecure, yet with my family around me.

As you noted, there may be "other issues" which preclude acheiving such a balance, or armistice agreement, in your life. I certainly do not pretend to know what you are going through, and it is none of my business, in any case. Still, I wish you all the best in your life, and if any of us can be of any help to you, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Chris

[/quote]

Doc P, you are a good man.

I think many of us who have the blessing of a spouse who is also on board may take that for granted.  In our case, I was actually the one dragged into this growing awareness of an unravelling system and the need to add resiliency to our lives.  So from my perspective, all I have known is that Cat and I are on the same team. 

It is clear from reading the posts from some of the other members like pinecarr and Cape Survivor, that they are doing it alone.  I can’t even pretend to understand how much more difficult it is dealing with that dynamic.

So to echo Doc P, we may not be able to give you the 100% solution, but you always have a place to vent frustrations.

  • Fri, Aug 19, 2011 - 10:39pm

    #92

    pinecarr

    Status Platinum Member (Offline)

    Joined: Apr 13 2008

    Posts: 1389

    count placeholder0

    Thanks Doc and Dogs!

[quote=DIAP]

[quote=ccpetersmd]

Pinecarr,

I’m very sorry to hear about your domestic problems! They can be tough problems, to be certain. I very much liked Saffron’s advice, as it reminds me greatly of the balance we have struck in our home.

I’m blessed with a wife who at least understands most of the concerns with which we are faced regarding the economy, sustainability, etc. That said, my wife, Julie, is less engaged in thinking about such issues day-to-day, and is more concerned about our boys, their schooling, their friends, etc. At times, I am almost frustrated by her lack of attention to details that I think are so important. "Why do you care about which school they will attend, knowing the world is crumbling?", I might think at times, without actually asking. Still, in the end, it is my wife that keeps me grounded. Without her, I might be off living in the wilderness somewhere; or, at the opposite extreme, obsessively trawling the internet for more news, day after day. As bright as I may like to believe I am, it is my wife who is stronger and better grounded. Together, we have struck a nice balance. It is not an always tranquil balance, but more like a seesaw, going up and down, but maintaining a steady center.

Nothing is more important to me than my life with my wife and three sons. I do what I can to ensure the security of that life, while my wife continues to remind me of the underlying purpose behind my education and preparations. As much as I would like to be personally secure and without worry, I would much rather feel uncertain and insecure, yet with my family around me.

As you noted, there may be "other issues" which preclude acheiving such a balance, or armistice agreement, in your life. I certainly do not pretend to know what you are going through, and it is none of my business, in any case. Still, I wish you all the best in your life, and if any of us can be of any help to you, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Chris [/quote]

Doc P, you are a good man.

I think many of us who have the blessing of a spouse who is also on board may take that for granted.  In our case, I was actually the one dragged into this growing awareness of an unravelling system and the need to add resiliency to our lives.  So from my perspective, all I have known is that Cat and I are on the same team. 

It is clear from reading the posts from some of the other members like pinecarr and Cape Survivor, that they are doing it alone.  I can’t even pretend to understand how much more difficult it is dealing with that dynamic.

So to echo Doc P, we may not be able to give you the 100% solution, but you always have a place to vent frustrations. [/quote]

Doc. P and DIAP, you’ve already given me something I really needed; moral support and a sympathetic ear!  It helps immeasurably not to feel all alone going through this.  Thank-you for that; you are both good men!  

Doc, I relate to your description about you being the one trying to ensure the security of your family, yet your spouse is more concerned about the day to day life of your boys.  We have a similar situation. On one hand, I am frustrated that my husband isn’t more open to "seeing" the changes going on in the world, and more supportive in preparing for them.  But on the other hand, I am so grateful for the good life and environment he is providing for our son because he is so grounded in the here-and-now.  As a result, my son knows the joy of everyday life.  He’s a good dad.

I also really like your seesaw analogy, and have experienced that in our marriage in the past.  Unfortunately, we seem to have lost our steady center, the one that makes a dynamic equilibrium possible.  

DIAP, you are blessed to have a spouse like Cats!  And she is blessed to have a spouse like you that recognizes that!   To treasure another and be treasured by them is the greatest wealth of all.

  • Sat, Aug 20, 2011 - 05:23am

    #93

    ccpetersmd

    Status Silver Member (Offline)

    Joined: Oct 12 2008

    Posts: 103

    count placeholder0

    Dynamic Equilibrium

Dynamic equilibrium is much more erudite than a seesaw; I like that better! But, whatever you call it, that is what it is. Today, my wife purchased a new necklace; nothing expensive, especially at half-price; I doubt it cost more than $100 (no, I didn’t ask). My first thought was, "why did you spend money on that?". In fact, in this case, I asked her. Her response was that at least it had some silver in it (probably a very low percentage), but the fact that she thought of that, and that we both could laugh about it, was comforting to both of us.

I hope you regain your equilibrium, if possible, as it is certainly a comfort in trying times. If that is not possible, many of us here can certainly understand, and will be here for you if you need us. Peace and blessings to you!

  • Sat, Aug 20, 2011 - 09:58pm

    #94

    bluebird

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Sep 05 2008

    Posts: 5

    count placeholder0

     Spouse is still spending

 
Spouse is still spending lots of money to maintain and race gokarts. He isn’t worried at all about the economy since he still has income. Yet he admits life as we know it, is unsustainable…a country can’t ship off its good manufacturing jobs, close down factories and recover. He said it feels like we are on a jumbo 747 airliner that has lost power and we are gliding along until the plane crashes, but not crash during his lifetime. In the meantime, I planted a garden and stocking up on supplies. Everyone in my family still think I’m obsessed. Oh well, I can’t open their eyes for them. When they are ready, they will see, probably when it’s too late.
 

  • Sat, Aug 20, 2011 - 10:48pm

    #95

    pinecarr

    Status Platinum Member (Offline)

    Joined: Apr 13 2008

    Posts: 1389

    count placeholder0

    Pulling blankets over head

[quote=bluebird]

Spouse is still spending lots of money to maintain and race gokarts. He isn’t worried at all about the economy since he still has income. Yet he admits life as we know it, is unsustainable… [/quote]

I sympathize with you on that, bluebird!  My husband "knows" that our economy is in trouble, yet acts as if he can pull the covers over his head (ignore it), and it will all go away!  When he periodically talks about buying his dream car…a used Porsche, Corvette, etc…..my stomach ties up in knots with the thought of going into debt for an unnecessary luxury item, now of all times.  There are so many more important expenditures we could be making to prep instead right now, like getting a well put in, buying land close-by and putting in a tree lot for a source of winter firewood, etc.  Very hard when spouses see things from such different perspectives!

Now, if your spouse is learning mechanical skills that could pay-off down the line, maybe there’s a silver-lining in his racing and maintaining gokarts.  I don’t know enough about them to know if that could be true.  I hope so for you!

 Good luck!

  • Fri, Sep 02, 2011 - 09:03am

    #96
    SPAM_Corrinla

    SPAM_Corrinla

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Sep 02 2011

    Posts: 3

    count placeholder0

     Personally I think it’s

 Personally I think it’s more important to set yourself up so you can live with no income (we currently live off $200 a week) but of course we do not have the burden of four children…. 

  • Tue, Jan 03, 2012 - 04:19pm

    #97
    doug green

    doug green

    Status Bronze Member (Offline)

    Joined: Dec 07 2011

    Posts: 54

    count placeholder0

    This is an issue with me and

This is an issue with me and my wife right now and will likely get worse.  She literally makes a few g’s a year, but feels like she should be able to live better as time goes on and be taken care of by me.  I don’t mind how much she makes, because she takes care of our two boys and God knows that is a lot of work and can be a royal PITA sometimes!  But despite my repeated assertions we are in deep doo doo as a country and need to save as a family and prepare for possible supply disruptions/high inflation, she thinks I am half crazy and ignores me for the most part.  As things get worse, my hope is that she comes around to knowing I’ve been right (along with everyone here at this site and lots of people elsewhere) and helps to prepare.  If the SHTF, her friends in the neighborhood would be into my meager supply as well, so in the back of my mind is a plan B for bugging out by myself. 

  • Sun, Jan 15, 2012 - 06:19pm

    #98

    SagerXX

    Status Gold Member (Offline)

    Joined: Feb 11 2009

    Posts: 647

    count placeholder0

    The red pill is often a hard sell…

…but keep after it.  I’ve been working on my wife for going on 3 years and it wasn’t until last night that she really jumped in with both feet.  I’d like to think it was something I did or said that changed her mind, but it was a conversation with a friend at a party yesterday that finally tipped her into red-pill-land.  

So:  keep on keeping on (with preps, and life in general), and don’t give up hope that the spouse/partner/whatever will never come around.   Because I had just about given up hope that she was going to accept the reality of the 3Es, etc…. But as of yesterday she’s on board.  Yippee!

Viva — Sager

  • Sun, Jan 15, 2012 - 06:41pm

    #99

    Estatesavr

    Status Bronze Member (Offline)

    Joined: Feb 12 2009

    Posts: 37

    count placeholder0

    red pill kudos

Congrats Sager!

my wife was similarly skeptical until … (almost sounds silly) until she watched the TV show Jericho in re-runs 3 years ago

she began to ask me a bunch of questions like “what will we do if XXX happens”

and her concerns multiplied in relationship to our child with Down Syndrome as she realized how vulnerable 

what matters though is not how long it takes them (our brides) to get ‘there’ as much as it matters that they do and have trusted ‘us’ so long and/or humored us

best

Jake

 

 

 

 

Viewing 9 posts - 91 through 99 (of 99 total)

Login or Register to post comments