Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill
Depression, marriage problems since I took the red pill…
I have two questions for the members of this blog, whom I respect greatly. I have never post on a blog in my life, but am desperate for ideas. These questions appear unrelated, but hopefully will make sense after the explanation below.
1) have any of you had marriage problems since you became aware, and how are you dealing with them?
2) would you cash out your pension?
I am a 50 year old sheeple housewife. Until August 24th, 2009, I was a happy person. Good marriage, 4 lovely children (23, 21, 19, 15), beautiful home on 3 acres in small town , friends, hobbies, pets, the whole enchilada. Our only debt is our home (sizable at 273K, but we’re not upside down or anything), Was looking forward to very comfortable retirement, travel with my husband, and enjoying my future grandchildren.
On August 24th, came across a book outlining upcoming deflationary depression. Found it fascinating. Kept reading, got more panicked, started scouring the internet, and basically fell down an irreversible rabbit hole. Don’t think I’m a deflationist anymore, but who knows? I have inhabited this rabbit hole for less than 4.5 months, and everything is different down here.
Now I watch business channels, read Zerohedge, Jim Sinclair, Mish, Kitco, Denninger, Automatic Earth, and am a paying member of Chris’ blog, which has taught me so very much (thank you!) Have read up on Zimbabwe, Argentina, Weimar, etc.
In 4.5 months, I have stockpiled #10 cans of 30 yr wheat, beans, etc. bought a grinder, have closets full of food, attics full of TP and paper towels, drawers full of medicines and toiletries, serious amounts of fuel, propane stove, generator, water barrels in the garage, a water filter (recommended by Chris, naturally) batteries..you name it, I now have it or it’s on my list of things to buy.
I gave away my two horses, planted a 20ftx10ft garden (small, I know, but have to start somewhere), three fruit trees, a blackberry patch, own a 23 Qt pressure canner, and learned to can, had a complete energy audit of the house, installed security blinds, CFL’s in every socket, and installed a 3kw solar pv with a 5kw inverter so I can hopefully upgrade next summer. I plan to use the horse stall for the chickens I plan to buy this spring.
I now own two guns (we have never been gun people); a 357 and a shotgun, and enough ammo, I hope. Pulled our non-tied-up money out of big bank, work mainly on cash basis where possible, and have modest amounts of physical gold, silver rounds, and junk silver. Pulled our 403b retirement monies out of equities October 1st, sitting in money market, because, for the life of me, I don’t know what else to do with it!
OK, enough background, here’s the problem. Yesterday (Jan 3rd) I read a zerohedge article about how the government proposal re: suspending access to your money market funds, and asked my husband to read it. He pretty much blew a gasket. My husband has gone along with my above preps, but does not believe any of this will happen. He believes that my teacher’s retirement pension is secure, that his civil service pension is secure, that the money in the 403b is secure, etc. He is fairly peeved at me that he has lost money in the stock market since we pulled it out of equities and into money market October 1st. FYI, he cannot retire for 3 years, and that money has to stay there. He refuses to read anything that I have read (in his defense, he is very busy with his job, and does not want to learn all this stuff, and HAS supported my preps). He said I am living a fear-based life (well, DUH), and that I need psychological help (can’t argue with him there, either, except to say I really was fine, and a LOT MORE FUN TO BE AROUND before August 24th!)
I miss being a sheeple, but know I cannot unring this bell. I know I am not any fun anymore. I miss my old life. These days, I don’t sleep well, I have been grinding my teeth, I refuse to spend money on stuff I used to think was ok to spend on, and probably am drinking too much wine (half a bottle a day, every day!) My problem, I guess, is that my husband and I don’t really have the red pill thing in common, and that’s a HUGE disconnect in our lives.
Does anyone on this blog have any advice for me? Thanks in advance for anything you can throw my way. I truly respect the members of this blog.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out if I should cash out my modest pension and buy PMs with it. It’s only 77K, but my pension is not in great shape (69% funded, is making unrealistic 8% return assumptions, and has deferred 16M in debt). I swear, there is NOBODY I can ask this question to….our “financial advisor” is such a nice guy, but takes blue pills ever morning at breakfast. Would hate to miss the opportunity to get out before the wealth trap door slams shut (pension would provide 15K annually from age 55 until death). Husband says I have to make this decision by myself. I feel so alone.
Thank you. I apologize for the lengthy post.
Think of your different viewpoints as a hedge against uncertainty.. he’ll do fine if it’s “business as usual”, you’ll do fine if it isn’t..
There are two ways approach to preparation…
1) Fear / analysis based, lots of facts, and radical action plans.. a basement stocked with MRE’s and AK47’s..
2) Aiming for positives, fresher vegetables and fruit, a water filter “for cleaner purer water”, a wood stove that’s soooo romantic !
So it’s possible to be a sensible survivalist, without taking the romance out of life…
Maybe get some silver candlesticks and cutlery… but try not to pay too much over spot for them… *grin*
1) have any of you had marriage problems since you became aware, and how are you dealing with them?
No, because soon after taking the red pill myself, my wife started hearing it from other sources besides me. She knew there was trouble brewing when a family friend, a very gentle man with a large family not known for rash decisions, bought a gun and PM’s; totally uncharacteristic. Since that point she’s on board with the program. But before that I didn’t push too hard. Take whatever leeway you can get, but know your (his) limits. It seems like he has given you wide latitude, which is a huge benefit, so do what you can without pissin’ him off too much! Don’t get depressed, instead be cheerful.
You say that you can’t sleep? I should think that with all the preps you achieved in such a short period of time you’de be sleeping like a baby! Congratulations! Drinking too much wine? Drink only in celebration that you’re a step ahead of the crowd!
my husband and I don’t really have the red pill thing in common, and that’s a HUGE disconnect in our lives.
Then downplay the disconnect, and accentuate the things in your life that you have in common, especially family. Don’t be obsessive, do your preps quietly, but not in secret. Don’t ever hide anything, just don’t make them front and center in your life. Be upbeat and positive; be of good cheer. You have good reason to be so. You are prepared!! And you have a good life. Hubby’s still on the blue pill, but you’re not, which gives you the opportunity to prepare for both of you. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to do this for him. Go for it!
I am not competent to give financial advice except to tell you what you obviously already have concluded and that is to get out of dollar denominated assets. Hubby says to make the decision on your pension alone, that’s a blessing to have that freedom on a decision that should be a mutual one. Take the ball and run with it, you are more informed than you may be giving yourself credit for.
I feel so alone.
You are not, it only feels that way.
2)I did over a two year period and I adjusted my tax burden to keep from being bumped a tax bracket. But if I had it to do over, I might consider a Roth and self direct my money to purchase an “investment” property.
I am not suggesting you do the same.
You can call White Oak Financial and talk to Laura. She’s taken the red pill, but has a successful financial management company. (What a crazy place to be in huh? You know your business is most likely toast yet you can’t quit ’cause you’re good at it.) You won’t get any direct advice due to legalities, but theory might be enough to get your head cleared some. PM me for the number if you want it.
Shut up. Quit talking about it. Do your thing privately. And quit panicking. It serves no purpose. I think every person on this forum has been there and many of us still flirt with it on a regular basis. I know I do. But I do not tell Nancy.
And Nancy’s money is Nancy’s money. If she wants to keep playing it her way, fine. I’d rather her not, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her, rich or poor. BTW, she did read a Wall Street Journal article that said it was prudent to put 10% of her finances in precious metals, Laura said physical gold is good and our accountant said it would not negatively affect our taxes. So she did, and she’s looking forward to selling it for a profit. Fine. 10% is better than nothing.
Keep planning, tell the family and friends it’s just in case of short term job loss or illness. Like a fire extinguisher or spare tire. You can’t protect everybody, but you can plan and buy for your family.
If you don’t have Barbara Salisbury’s book Preparedness Principles, get it and have hubby read the introduction telling what all their family went through in one year. Illnesses, moving, land scam, theft……and they were able to deal with it because they were a little prepared.
Good luck. Vent here. We understand.
Darn red pill.
PS: If you cut back to drinking 1/4 bottle a day, you’ll have that much more in your food storage. I switched to smaller glasses and smaller portions. I still have two glasses but they equal one big one and I’ve been putting one bottle a month away for six months now. And I don’t tell Nancy. Boy will she be pleased if TEOTWAWKI does come
I think earthwise nailed it.
The only thing I would add is this. When I first ‘took the red pill’ I was talking about what I had discovered to whomever would listen. Then I realized I sounded like ‘that guy’. You know the guy that just got born again and is on a mission to convert everyone.
Once I realized this I just shut up. The people who want to know will know.
I don’t think you should be depressed you seem to have everything in play. I just wouldn’t talk about it with your husband anymore unless he brings it up. I’m sure you two have lots of things in common. Just focus on those things and be fun again. You’ve done your due diligence now relax.
Even the most pessimistic forcasters say that the US has several years before a date with hyperinflation or currecy crisis. First of all, take a breath.
Next, I’d like to second everything that earthwise has said.
The best advice that I can give is to stop making decisions from a place of fear. That’s probably some of the worst advice ever given, since how does one stop being afraid when they are confronted with something scary? I’m not sure, but I know that it is necessary.
Security was never guaranteed – even when you were among the “sheepke,” as you put it, there were risks. Your secure retirement was never guaranteed. Any one of us could be run over by a bus tomorrow. But did you live your life in fear? Of course not. The economic problems of the United States are not the end of the world – they simply add another dimension to the risk.
Now, think about what in life makes you happy. What can you buy with money that makes you happy? Or is it being with the people you love, having your health, and doing the things that you enjoy what really brings you happiness? You are afraid because you are terrified of losing what you have convinced yourself you need – money. But you don’t really need it. See this recent BBC poll: Nigeria Tops Happiness Survey.
That’s right. A country torn by civil war and full of people who are dirt poor is happier than the United States. No matter what happens in the United States, we can be happy as individuals.
I’m not advocating a fatalistic viewpoint. Reasonable preparations can be made; make them. But never allow fear to control you. (1) Accept the risks. Risk is part of life. (2) Prepare for the risks best you can. (3) Visualize the worst that can possibly happen, and how you could get by and still find joy in life. If you do this often enough, fear should lose its effect, because you will know that you are mentally in control of your life.
[quote=Chris Martenson] Six years ago, I began to address these questions for myself and my family. I’ll be honest; my first motivation came from a place of fear and worry. I worried that I could not predict when and where an economic collapse might begin. I fretted that the pace of the change would overwhelm the ability of our key social institutions and support systems to adapt and provide. I darkly imagined what might happen if a Katrina-sized financial storm swept through the banking system. I was caught up in fear.
But I am no longer in that frame of mind. Here, six years later, I am in a state of acceptance about what the future might bring (although I am concerned), and I have made it my life’s work to help others achieve a similar measure of peace. While I am quite uncertain about what might unfold and when, I am positive that anyone can undertake some basic preparations relatively cheaply, and will feel better for having done so.
I am passionately interested in helping others to gracefully adapt their lifestyles and adjust their expectations to a very different looking sort of future. I have no interest in scaring you further, or having you approach the future with trepidation, anxiety or fear. Quite the opposite. I want to let you know that adjusting and adapting can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling journeys you could undertake. It has been so for our family.
Just so you have a sense of the scope and the pace of these changes in our lives I should mention that in 2003 I was a VP at a Fortune 300 company, 42 years of age with three young children (the oldest was 9), living in a six bedroom waterfront house, and by every conventional measure I had it all. Today I no longer have that house, that job, or that life. My “standard of living” is a fraction of what it formerly was, but my quality of life has never been higher. We live in a house less than half the size of our former house, my beloved boat is gone, and we have a garden and chickens in the backyard. [/quote]
Now, what to do about your husband? If you disagree about how to handle your money, you will have to do one of two things: (1) Compromise, or (2) Separate your money so that each of you is responsible for managing part of it. But take it easy on him and know that he may have his limits. This might be frustrating for you, but the only thing I can suggest is that in the 3 -odd decades that you have on the earth, a happy family life might bring more happiness than the extra money ever could.
Whether or not I cashed out a pension would depend on a number of things such as tax consequences. If it would bump me into a higher tax bracket, I probably wouldn’t do it all in one year. If I had decided to cash out a pension fund, I would do it gradually over a period of two or three years, and divide the money between precious metals and foreign currency CD’s (such as those available from everbank.com). Remember that any preparations that you make will put you far ahead of most people.
I’m impressed at how much you’ve achieved in 4 1/2 months actually! Not to mention the speed with which you “got it”….. I’ve been “onto” Limits to Growth for fifteen years, Peak Oil for around ten, and the economic collapse for around five, so my wife has had a lot of time to adapt fortunately, and she now is 100% behind our preparation, and is in fact trying to convert her own sister and her family, trying to get them to buy the land next door to build a liferaft……
I’m no financial advisor, but to me it’s obvious pension funds are going down the gurggler….. my wife turns 55 this year, and she can cash in her superannuation (as we call these things in Australia) but we won’t be using the money to buy PMs, we’ll pay off ALL our debts (not much really..) and increase our water storage, finish fencing, oh and finish the house!
Personally I think it’s more important to set yourself up so you can live with no income (we currently live off $200 a week) but of course we do not have the burden of four children…. Are your adult children on board yet? Ours are and they know that WTSHTF they will live with us to help us run the place….. and yes, they find that prospect scary!
Good luck…. I truly don’t know what else to tell you, except hang in there, it will soon become obvious evenr to your DH that it’s all going pear shaped fast.
As Captain Sheeple, I just wanted to say that the flock misses you and that we want you back!
Your depression is a direct result of you acting to take responsibility for your future. Please abandon all such nonsense immediately and put your full faith into the bankers and their political puppets. There is safety and security in the herd. Conform or perish!!!!!!!
OK, so I hope you know I was joking. Seriously, that was the best initial post/thread that I have ever read here. We should be asking you for advice.
I find it amazing that someone of your obvious intelligence has not been part of the conversation in this community. We need to rectify this situation. Can I ask why it took you so long to post?
Holy guacamole are YOU the fast-acting agent! 4-1/2 months and you’ve gotten all that done? Take a bow…
Much fine advice above and I don’t believe I can improve upon it. IMO re the pension, I’ll liken it to my opinion on Social Security: I’m 45 now, and in my heart I know I will never claim a dime (or if I do, it’ll be in a time when $1000/mo will buy, say, 1 bag of groceries or $10 gals of gas due to inflation). If I could cash out of SS I would. But that’s just my opinion.
Keep in mind you are already ahead of 99% of the population. It took my wife the better part of a year to take the red pill. But she got there.
Hang in there. It helps me (when I’m feeling angsty about TEOTWAWKI) to simply stop, observe the world, and appreciate the little things — especially if they happen to be little things that might go away (say, watching a couple of friends in a coffee shop just gabbing and smiling without a care in the world, or going to the movies with my wife and eating popcorn and so forth). Getting out in nature and unplugging also helps a lot.
Best of luck. Keep us posted.
Viva — Sager
Welcome to the forums, and congratulations on an interesting first post!
I don’t have much to add to the other great advice you have already received. I will admit that I have also found that there is a very fine line between enlightening those we love and annoying them. I have no problems with these items in my marriage, but in my extended family, it is much more challenging. In the last 1-1/2 years or so, the balance I have struck is to share information with friends and family when asked, but otherwise try to be my more or less normal self (if I could ever be considered “normal”, that is). All of my family and close friends are aware of my concerns, and I have found that when one has a question, they will ask, and hopefully I can help. As with religion, you simply cannot force your beliefs upon others.
Take joy in your everyday life, with your husband and children, and try to be the same person you have always been; just now one who is more aware and taking action. Balance is always key.
I have no guidance to offer regarding your pension, as I am wrestling with the same concerns with regard to our 401Ks. Like you, I have gotten out of the stock market and have put all of our investments in money market funds, but cannot decide what to do with them beyond that. If I take them out, I will lose 50% in fees and taxes, but I am still considering that option. I’ll be following this thread to see what other advice your receive in this regard.