Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

Login or register to post comments Last Post 0 reads   29 posts
Viewing 10 posts - 11 through 20 (of 29 total)
  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 12:19pm

    #13
    abrahamlincoln

    abrahamlincoln

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: May 23 2020

    Posts: 3

    count placeholder

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

(1) No, I am not intentionally trying to be more “relaxed” when it comes to parenting my 3 children

(2)Not only do I not employ a “relaxed” form of parenting but I am of the opinion that children develop better under guidelines/rules etc…in other words, I don’t know what type of benefits you might get from “relaxed” parenting and I’m dubious that there would be many or that they would merit ongoing parenting of a “relaxed” style.

(3)I’m a single father (thank heavens for that small favor) and I have custody of my children…i.e., they live with me and I am raising them.  My parents (grandparents to my children) are of similar mindset as me when it comes to raising children and there are no “issues”.

(4)N/A

(5)Yes, digital devices are managed in our household

(6)I have no issues with giving my children more autonomy as long as they can demonstrate responsible behavior with that autonomy.

 

Thx

Abraham Lincoln

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 12:39pm

    #14

    SagerXX

    Status Gold Member (Offline)

    Joined: Feb 11 2009

    Posts: 452

    count placeholder2+

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

— Are you intentionally trying to be more “relaxed” in your parenting when it comes to supervising/controlling your kids activity? If so, why?

Absolutely.  I want to provide a safe container for my son (age 3-1/2), within which he is free to roam/explore/experiment/be curious.  He’s always been pretty independent — at the beach he would wander 50+ feet away as soon as he could walk.  I want him to be confident and assertive.

— What are the benefits you’re hoping a more relaxed parenting style will yield? Are you seeing success? What trade-offs (if any) are you struggling with?

In encouraging him to be confident and independent, I am also allowing expression of what is turning out to be a very dominant/alpha personality.  No shrinking violet, he.  I suspect this is more his nature than anything I’m doing.  It’s not easy to deal with or negotiate with.  But I’d rather suffer through struggles there than squash his true nature.

–  Is your more relaxed approach creating any issues with your spouse or with other parents of your kids’ friends who have more a more controlling approach?

His mother is a bit more controlling and risk-averse (she had a rough childhood).  She and I co-parent but are separated.  We more or less allow each other to parent as we are called to do.

— Are you seeing any difference in your kids attitudes/happiness after adopting a more relaxed parenting style?

I’ve always been lassiez faire so there was no change to observe…

— How are you managing digital devices?  I will keep him away from digital devices as long as humanly possible.  He does get a little screen time every day watching educational videos or entertainment videos that have some sort of value to them (ie Tumble Leaf on Amazon Prime).

— What safety concerns do you have with giving your kids more autonomy?

Nothing much.  A few more scrapes and bumps.  A few more of my things defaced or broken or hidden away (he took a sharpie marker to the carpet at my place of business, where he spends time with me 6 days a week).  What is one to do?  Parenting is a messy business.  Things will get broken or mislaid.  So be it.

Overall, he’s a very happy kid with startlingly high levels of emotional balance and maturity.  He craves contact, but he also ranges far and wide and entertains himself for hours while I’m busy at work.  So far so good.  As I say to friends and clients:  Only 14 and a half years to go, and I ain’t broken him yet!

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 02:43pm

    #15
    BeeFarmer

    BeeFarmer

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Mar 14 2020

    Posts: 12

    count placeholder3+

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

Our oldest is 20 and youngest just about 18.  They grew up with NO television.  No battery operated toys or video games.  They had to play outside regardless of weather (we live in the PNW).  They were often the only kids in the neighborhood at that time that was outside.

When they were 9 and 11, we moved to the country.  Our son was allowed to go hiking in the mountain near us overnight, by himself or with a friend when he was 13.  We also allowed him to go bear hunting as well.  Often without adults.  Both our kids learned how to hunt, raise and process farm animals, drive vehicles, and be pretty independent.  This was not easy for me, as I considered myself a helicopter parent when they were toddlers. But I knew that they would be better equipped adults if allowed freedom, and able to make many of their own choices.

The oldest works full time and goes to college full time. He helps take care of his grandparents and lives in a cottage on their property.  Youngest is graduating high school and plans on attending flight school to become a pilot. (My husband and I are both commercial pilots).

We often went against the grain and didn’t have much in common with other parents, as our style of parenting was a little more hands off or, Child Directed Learning 😉. But we all survived just fine!

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 02:56pm

    #16

    livsez

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Dec 01 2008

    Posts: 33

    count placeholder1+

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

Are you intentionally trying to be more “relaxed” in your parenting when it comes to supervising/controlling your kids activity? If so, why?

I am intentionally trying to be more relaxed. Both of my two sons lives were scheduled by regular school times, coached sports and supervised extracurricular activities. Whether it was getting up for school in the morning, handing in their assignments on time or getting to practice on time, my sons regularly struggled to stay on top of their schedules.  Now that they didn’t have any real structure, my approach was to let them figure out how to best manage their time on their own.

What are the benefits you’re hoping a more relaxed parenting style will yield? Are you seeing success? What trade-offs (if any) are you struggling with?

Since the lockdown began I’ve been mostly hands off, with the exceptions being helping keep the house tidy and helping with making meals.
My 18 year old high school senior has found it difficult to manage his time with the loss of his last semester and uncertainty about going to college next fall.  It’s been an ongoing struggle for him to stay motivated.
My 16 year old sophomore who previously struggled to maintain interest in going to school and adhering to the academic schedules, has thrived being self directed and making his own schedules and plans.  He’s been more curious about the subjects of his remote learning and gets all of his work done at his own pace.  He’s also been far more interested in spending time with me helping out with breakfast or dinner and doing more activities together.

Is your more relaxed approach creating any issues with your spouse or with other parents of your kids’ friends who have more a more controlling approach?

I’m divorced, but have a decent relationship with my ex-wife.  She’s been accepting and encouraging of my approach.

Are you seeing any difference in your kids attitudes/happiness after adopting a more relaxed parenting style?

I’m experiencing far greater levels of communication and tolerance to discussing a wider variety of topics.  Their attention span seems to be expanding.  They’re now more interested in taking walks, listening to a wider variety of music and films.

How are you managing digital devices?

I am not managing digital devices at all.

What safety concerns do you have with giving your kids more autonomy?

No safety concerns, yet.

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 05:10pm

    #17
    Wayne Smith

    Wayne Smith

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: May 02 2020

    Posts: 3

    count placeholder1+

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

We have four delightful daughters, ages 2 through 8. We bought a farm in part for them to be able to grow up in a rural setting. We are homeschooling, which takes maybe an hour per kid a day. The rest of the time, they are encouraged to be outside, taking care of their chickens and lambs and turkeys and whatever else they want to get into. We try to give them guidance for safety, but otherwise encourage exploration. We do have them involved in Tae Kwon Do so that they have some self-defense skills and discipline, and music lessons. Hovering isn’t our style, and it irritates us when it becomes necessary.

Having known so many people who were abused in their younger years, we are mindful of keeping them safe from abusers. That’s really the only “hovering” we bother with. Sadly, that concern has deprived us of some social opportunities, but we do take abuse seriously.

That’s what we’re doing. Great topic!

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 05:38pm

    #18
    Jeanneshef

    Jeanneshef

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Mar 19 2020

    Posts: 2

    count placeholder1+

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

We have 3 kids ages 10, 8 and 6. We have always had a more relaxed parenting style in some ways, and more cautious in others.

The ways in which we have always been more relaxed include: encouraging the siblings to play together and not seek adults out to entertain them, encouraging creative play as much as possible (arts and crafts, make believe play, costume/dress up) and we have a fairly relaxed attitude about screen time (no issues with using the family computer as long as educational in nature). We do not force our children into any extracurricular activities unless they have an expressed interest to do so (so t-ball and soccer at age 3 as most of our peers’ children did was out). We also tend to stray from other normal suburban family tourist traps like frenetic trips to Disney in favor of rambling RV trips for extended periods of time in the Western US.

Where we are more cautious is in terms of physical and online safety. As much as I wish we could, we do not allow the kids to roam the neighborhood unattended, as we live in a larger city with a fair amount of random crime. Nor do they own a cellphone or are allowed to communicate online. We also do not allow sleepovers, although play dates are fine as long as we know the other parents very well and are confident that they are going to be supervising the kids throughout the visit, as opposed to sending them off down the street to get them out of their hair or allowing them to surf Youtube unattended.

As the kids get older I would say the divide in their upbringing vs. that of our peers is becoming more apparent. As mentioned above, most of our social peers’ children are heavily involved in organized sports now and this practice dominates the family’s entire social circle and lifestyle choices, especially so when there are multiple kids involved in multiple sports. There is little room for friendships outside of these established sports groups. From the outside it seems like these children’s childhoods ended much sooner than ours. Our kids still have a very innocent and creative wonder about them that their more structured peers seem to lack. Another noticeable difference is that our kids favor cooperation and collaboration (they don’t really know any other way) while their peers tend to be highly competitive in almost all aspects of their lives.

The approach we take to safety also seems to be at odds with our peers’ children. Despite the families’ regimented lives and routines, the parents seem so have very little discipline when it comes to monitoring their kids safety (both physically and online.) Most kids have cellphones, engage in social media and lack any real understanding of “stranger danger”. I’ve also noticed many times when unattended children could have been easily struck by a speeding driver as they weave their bikes down the lane, and the parents were none the wiser.

As a result of these differences, my children are probably not considered “popular” by traditional standards, but they have all developed true friendships with one or 2 other like-minded kids who are equally imaginative, non-competitive and kind-hearted.

I anticipate down the road that my kids will continue to be somewhat off-beat as compared to their peers but I have no regrets about the foundation that we have given them which is based upon respect for oneself, family and others. My hope is that they will be able to appreciate the full experience life has to offer with sensitivity, compassion for others and (hopefully) an eternal sense of wonder.

 

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 08:44pm

    #18
    macro2682

    macro2682

    Status Gold Member (Offline)

    Joined: Sep 03 2009

    Posts: 352

    count placeholder

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

My boys are 5 and 3. We live in downtown Chicago, so we are a bit helicopter-ish. I’m more relaxed than my wife. Moving to Ohio in a month. Happy to fill out a survey.

 

  • Thu, May 28, 2020 - 09:33pm

    #19
    fated

    fated

    Status Bronze Member (Offline)

    Joined: Feb 16 2014

    Posts: 66

    count placeholder1+

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

Ok – Aussies here. 2 parent, one child household. 11 years old.

Are you intentionally trying to be more “relaxed” in your parenting when it comes to supervising/controlling your kids activity? If so, why?

More relaxed than who,what or when? I was raised on a farm with my siblings by parents who were physically and emotionally absent a lot of the time. Stranger danger was enforced to us yet we were not proactively taught social skills or how to interact with unknown folk. We were free to roam the bounds of the farm riding bikes, swimming in the river, interacting with animals, tree climbing, etc. yet led to believe the world was a scary and dangerous place. We were very unsupervised but also felt controlled and isolated from our school friends. However we were also competent; and could milk cows, deliver calves, drive tractors and cars, cook our own meals and use household appliances, mow lawns, and get ourselves ready for school and to the bus stop. My partner was raised in town and free to roam with friends all over town. He had a paper round but mummy did all the housweork and dad made the dollars. Neither of these scenarios fits for our child who has ADHD and SPD and needs regular encouragement to think beyond immediate impulse. Plus we both work. Our boundaries are wide when it comes to accepted activities, yet narrow when it comes to location/supervision. Archery in the yard is fine (arrows have hit the house), pocket knives are fine, bikes, skateboards, tree climbing, campfires are fine – and the explosive experiments that come with that (singed eyebrows anyone), reading, clay modelling, cooking, computer games. There’s a cubby, trampoline and shed full of tools and stuff that are mostly ok to use for projects. We’re around but usually not closely supervising. Often a boundary is only overstepped once we realise it should have existed. The kitchen is on limits and said child has used knives, fridge, toaster, kettle, oven, blender for as long as I can remember. There’s never been any restriction in the kitchen, only teaching safe use of items to build competency. But with the ADHD we have a child whose frontal lobe is different to neuro-normative kids and slower to develop important function. There’s no bike riding to school after we practiced a few times and witnessed many near misses with cars due to cyclist inattention. Riding with friends would probably add to the distraction so we drive to school. A short ride down to a nearby friends home is ok as long as we get a call within a few minutes of arrival.  We prefer outdoors, skills building activities, and by virtue of being a low tech home don’t need to control away from indoor or tech based activites too much.

What are the benefits you’re hoping a more relaxed parenting style will yield? Are you seeing success? What trade-offs (if any) are you struggling with?

Benefits – competency in life skills, imagination stemmed from ‘boredom’, closer connection to the outdoors and nature, and an understanding of cause and effect. Head space for us a parents to work on important developmental things like OT therapies and social skills without wasting time or straining the parent/child realtionship over little things that don’t matter. Success is any day that is generally stress free without any huge disasters! The trade offs are the moments that must occur for learning opportunities, and the interruptions these can create to the plans for the day. Over the years this has included texta on the dining chairs, fingers crushed, broken glass ware, clothes cut with scissors, missing tools and stationary, a sandpapered car panel, nail polish on the toilet ceramic, bumps, scratches and bruises of all sorts with a few visits to ER, but surprisingly no broken bones!

Is your more relaxed approach creating any issues with your spouse or with other parents of your kids’ friends who have more a more controlling approach?

Nope. Not that I have noticed anyway. Other kids in general have more freedom to roam about town, yet seem to be more restricted and controlled in the activities they are ‘allowed’ to do at home. We seem to be the reverse. So there is no great desire to roam around town looking for fun because the fun is at home.

Are you seeing any difference in your kids attitudes/happiness after adopting a more relaxed parenting style?

It’s always been our style so we are unable to make a before and after assessment. We try to be available when help is requested, rather than hover just in case help is needed. Too much of our involvement and input when not wanted gets strong pushback.

How are you managing digital devices?

Less is best. We are low tech and no TV in the house. Certainly no Netflix or paid TV here. The dopamine hit from screen activities is big with ADHD so we restrict timing allowed for games and prefer Minecraft for its free range creativity than other games. The PC is used for ‘googling’ you tube research on relevant topics that are being experimented or created outdoors. Skate ramps, tree swings, motorised bikes etc. We have not yet provided a mobile phone as the level of responsibility required with tech management is not developed enough for that.

What safety concerns do you have with giving your kids more autonomy?

Lack of ability to think before acting when on the road or out in public unsupervised. The scope for bigger and nastier accidents is larger out in the real world.

We try to be an outdoorsy skills based family. Holidays are usually camping, hiking or exploring small towns and their associated histories and museums. We avoid cheesy, commercialised, plastic fantastic experiences with big $$$ attached. We take bikes, kayaks and fishing rods with us and sleep in tents rather than hotels. If anything it seems other kids like coming to our place as it is not ‘boring’.  It could also be said we are too busy to helicopter parent. Home is a safe zone and as such there are times when we practice being home alone with skills in place to deal with ‘problems’. Learn and train rather than live in fear.

  • Sat, May 30, 2020 - 10:36am

    #20
    lyonssf

    lyonssf

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Mar 30 2011

    Posts: 2

    count placeholder

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

We only have one child and she is just turning 10.  We had alot of trouble getting her, it took us five years of trying before we had her.  As a result, we guard her safety and well being very closely, which would maybe put us at least somewhat in the helicopter parent category  Nevertheless, we are not very strict in letting her choose her activities and follow her interests.  She has not been given a strict schedule of learning during the lockdown and we have not restricted her screen time.  As long as she is doing some learning every day, we are satisfied  However, we basically always keep a close eye on her when she is out of the house unlike some other parents.  When I was her age, I played outside the sight and presence of my parents all the time.  We do not do it that way with my daughter.  We have too much fear of predators and accidents to allow her that independence since she is all that we have.  The teenage years might be rough on her parents.

Steve L.

  • Sun, May 31, 2020 - 04:23pm

    #21
    dan314159

    dan314159

    Status Member (Offline)

    Joined: Oct 08 2016

    Posts: 4

    count placeholder

    Calling All PP Parents — Your Input Needed!

Don’t talk to the media. The writers and editors have already decided on a narrative and they’re just looking for a few quotes they can take out of context to support their narrative.

Prediction: they want to write about how homeschooling is bad and want to make PP look like a bunch of crazy cultists.

 

Viewing 10 posts - 11 through 20 (of 29 total)

Login or Register to post comments