Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill

Dear Laura,

I have been reading this thread with interest and am so pleased with the support you are receiving from this community. 

I remember very well when my husband Chris first shifted his world view, or ' took the red pill,'  over 7 years ago; when it first happened I thought for sure he had gone crazy.  He started talking about things that did not fit into my (then) current world view.  He began, once upon a time, in a place that seemed to be to be both angry and fearful.  This emotional outpouring made it difficult for me to relate to what he was trying to communicate to me.  Why would anyone choose to be this way?

Then something shifted and his tone changed.  He said that he was seeing the world through a different lens, that there were huge implications for our family and he needed me to at least LOOK through this lens and determine if I drew the same conclusions he did.  He asked me to educate myself about the subjects so that we could really talk about it.  This shift in tone was critical to my being able to hear him; he wasn’t coming at me with anger and fear anymore, and was appealing to my mothering instincts.  This was about taking care of our kids.  How could I ignore that? 

I had many beliefs that initially were in the way of me learning the material (I’m not good at math, economics is boring, this just isn’t my thing etc.), plus I had 3 young children, 2 still in diapers and I didn’t have many brain cells to spare.  But I agreed.  Instead of love notes on my pillow, he left economics papers and book excerpts.  As I began my education (which happened over the course of 3-4 months of reading), the conclusions Chris drew began to come into focus for me as well.

As a result of the new lens, Chris and I made dramatic changes in our lives and are much happier, fulfilled and content as a result.  But it didn’t happen overnight.  You have made incredible progress in your preparations over the last 4 ½ months.  Just astounding.  And I am very glad that while your husband may not see the world through your lens, he is not actively fighting your work.  This is not always the case!  He might just need a bit more time and I concur with those who advised that you give him some space.  Or he may never “get it” and at some point you will need to make peace with that if you want to stay with the relationship.

Whenever we do a seminar, we always have at least one red-pill person who has brought his/her blue-pill partner along in the hopes that there might be a shift in perspective.  Frequently this is the case.  Just sitting in a room full of other regular, sane, professional people who see the world this way has a huge effect.  We talk about the 6 Stages of Awareness (the emotional responses to belief-challenging information) and stress the idea that shifting out of denial is different for everyone.  Your husband may need to hear this information from 3 other sources (that aren’t you) before he is ready to awaken.  Some people need to hear it on the news, or from Oprah; others need to hear it from a couple of trusted friends.  We do not recommend coming down hard on those in denial, or judging them severely for their beliefs.  At one point or another, we were ALL in denial.  It is what it is.

If you can’t get to a seminar (and we don’t have any on the books at the moment), another strategy is to hold a Crash Course viewing at your home or a small local venue.  Building community is so important and the CC is a great tool for finding others who resonate with this material.  It will help with the loneliness factor, and might also help your husband see that there are other folks who see what you see.  Let me know if you would like support in doing this; many folks on this site have hosted CC showings and can offer advice if you would like it.  Has your husband seen the Crash Course yet?

I was sorry to read that you are experiencing a lot of stress (wine consumption/teeth grinding); of course this is totally common, but not pleasant I know.  Breath.  Walk in nature.  Be grateful for all the things that work in your life, especially the little things.  Enjoy your children.  Enjoy your husband.  DO whatever you love and brings you joy.  Chris and I choose to walk consciously into our future and have a great time no matter what happens.  I wish the same for you! 

Thank you for sparking such an interesting conversation Laura.  Good luck and please feel free to e mail me if you would like to speak in person (becca@PeakProsperity.com).

~Becca

Becca, great to see you on the threads!  It is wonderful to read your experience and insights.

Full Moon, excellent post!

Laura, I have been wanting to write to respond to your post for a couple of days, but am only just getting to it now.  First, like others here, I am amazed at how far you have come and how much you have done in so short a time.  Way to go!

I both cringed in empathy and laughed out loud when I was reading your post; it sounds like my home!  This is my hisband this weekend as he cleaned out the shelves in the cellar with all my prep purchases: "No more STUFF!".  He is a good guy, but still trying to hold onto denial.  Yet occassionally he teeters over into open discussions and support (he supported me in getting a new woodstove, bought wood, helped make our raised bed gardens).  Other times, he absolutely does not want to know or hear anything about it: he would spit out the red pill and have me cough it back up if he could!:).  It is an unpleasant reality to face, and it seems like everybody has to do it at their own pace.  Or until the evidence becomes too evident for even those in deep denial to ignore.

But anyway, one thing I wanted to bring up was vigorous, regular excercise to cope with stress and anxiety. A couple years ago, I started going to a local gym just to try to get in better shape.  But what I found kept bringing me back was that it noticeably reduced the level of stress I was feeling.  Now, as soon as I walk in the door of the gym, I can actually feel the tension in my back start to release and my whole being relax.  (Nothing like being on the level of a Pavlov dog!:).

Now, as I find myself getting more stressed between my anxiety about  what is going on, coupled with the pressures of everyday life, I have also found myself looking for something to make it easier to cope with it all: a bigger glass of wine at night, comfort food (chocolate!), etc.  But the former is a slippery slope I don't want to go down (well, not too far anyway).  And the latter is causing weight gain, especially as I get older.  So for New Years, one of my resolutions was to shift my coping-mechanism for easing anxiety to exercise.  In particular, I've started working out on my husband's bike/trainer to a bike workout dvd .  I can only do ~1/2 hour at a time right now, as I build up my leg and lung strength, but boy, do I feel better for doing it!

I have read that hard, regular exercise can be very effective in alleviating depression and anxiety.  And  I know, from my own presonal experience, that it really does help me feel better and less stressed.  So I just wanted to share that with you, in case it might be an approach that would work for you, too.

best,

pinecarr

I had better luck with my spouse watching the Crash Course videos. While he agrees that these things will occur some day, just not in his lifetime. He still truly believes there is nothing to worry about so nothing to prepare. He loves to read books on Formula I racing and books on the Vietnam war. If there is anything to read about economics/financial and gardening, he is not interested. He's counting McDonalds and TacoBell to always be cooking up his favorite junk foods, and that he will always have gas to drive there, and race gokarts.

Laura, I understand what you are going thru. Thanks for posting.

I think it is important with the P90X routines, to do whatever exercises you can, and not feel bad that you can't do some of the exercises. Heck, at 60 years age, and after 6 months of P90X, I still can't do chin-ups, but, I can finally do a few military push-ups, not just the girly ones on my knees. lol. At only 100 pounds, the routines for me, were not to lose weight, but to build strength and stamina. And I'm pleased with the results, and my progress continues on.

Like that video "Collapse" said, you don't have to be the fastest camper out of the camp when the bear comes - just don't be the slowest. IMO we can look to Katrina:

1. The leadership deficit said don't worry 'bout it. Doing the same thing now.
2. Those who didn't leave wound up in the in the Super Dome. FEMA camps standing by today.
3. Few stragglers stayed behind and some looted. Probably won't be much different.

Don't know for sure. But, it is my best guess that as the lenses of the stereo-gram come into focus for Bernake et al they will realize they were sitting on their brains, sort it out, issue a new currency, maybe wipe any country they have to off the map of competition and the Empire will continue with life after Katrina II.

When you get down to it, as the smartest investor I know explained it to me: It ISN'T peak oil or peak any resource. It is peak population.

God help the world when the trigger happy fools who run the empire come to this realization. Face it, the second realization they will come to is that they didn't take rocket scientists like CM, Shciff, Rogers, Farber, Puplava et al and create a Manhattan Project II on how to create a transition.

That leaves the magic button in the magic briefcase to solve the problem of sustainability.

The only scary issue I see is China probably already knows this.  

Wow....I am a 42 housewife from a small town in Michigan with three kids.  We too have been making preps for the last few months. 

At first frantic then more slowly.  What helps me is to do some thing to prepare... then stay off the computer for a few days and eat blue pills at Satrbucks!

I keep looking at my manicured nails and wondering "why do I keep having them done?"  It feels sometimes like I'm living in two worlds, the world of everything is going to be fine and then - when the world ends what did I forget to stock up on??

I made my husband read your post this morning and have been following all the wonderful comments. 

I feel your pain of isolation, at first I told everyone who would listen...alot of eye rolling.  Everyone we know thinks we are crazy...but they all say they are coming to our place when TSHTF.  THAT scares me and makes me buy more food!

I wish I had anyone outside of my Husband and kids to share these thoughts with. 

I feel blessed to have you all

Hello AO:

Hey, I HOPE I'M/HE'S WRONG!!!!

I respect your view. I agree 100% with what you write here especially:

with proper management of our resources

I thought I had imparted (maybe I did but did it with my usual clear as mud way) that my opinion is that we are past the point of getting a "Manhattan Project" of real geniuses (CM, Shiff, Puplava, Martin, Rogers, Faber, Clemente etc)  together to figure out how to transition to that proper management of resources you talk about.

The way I see it is when I take a journey, which is what this is, I use a map and plot a course. Without that map I don't see this happening. We have leaders in denial, leaders thinking this is just a bad recession. Basically a bunch of smart folks who are acting clueless.

My concern is that when they wake up to this they will wake up to it too late and manage it like they manage deer populations that have gotten out of hand.

I'm angered to see we have a guy in the White House who has the right guiding principle, "Let NO crisis go to waste." This is a crisis that could clean up our planet and give everyone a great family life. Apparently the guy knows how to turn bad into good but couldn't find a crisis if his life depended on it.

There is some serious irony there. No?

But, with all respect: I don't have high hopes of their managerial skills when it comes to resources. If they can and do identify the problem, annunciate the problem and then form a plan I will then only worry about if there is enough time left to enact the plan. Humans are really smart but we sometimes make some whopper mistakes.

"with proper management of our resources"

With all due respect, this is utter nonsense.....

The resources we consume now, whether they be oil, zinc, soil, or water, took hundreds of millions of years to either be manufactured by nature, or deposited into the current convenient receptacles....  and we are using them up at something like a million times replacement rate.

Let that sink in.... a million times replacement rate.

Exactly how do you propose to "manage" this so it's reduced to "replacement rate"?

Our civilisation is dying of consumption.  Get over it.

Mike

That's too easy.  Your assumption is we had less poverty, less violence, less injustice, etc. when we had a lower population?  Sorry, I don't buy it.

Most moral issues that I could think of would not be cured by having fewer people.

Mike,

In case you haven't recognized it, civilizations always die, just like people.  And new ones are always born, just like people. 

By the way, did the water and zinc fly off the planet or are they still here?  Soil is a different issue but there are vast, vast depositories of muck on the ocean floor.  Human beings can be incredibly foolish but they can also be incredibly intelligent, innovative, and adaptable.  Give yourself a break and get a grip.  And oil?  Well somehow we managed to survive for most of history without it.  I think we can manage that again. 

bluebird ,  I would take a wild guess and think that after a tour of duty in Vietnam  there is very little that your husband is afraid of and he knows how little we really need.     I remember the rare contact we got back home via the MARS  and mail planes once a week .   Now the Internet and computers makes things so different . It is a whole other world on the civilian side .   Store up taco seasoning for when you can not get there anymore( be careful mice are fond of it too) then you will get the brownie points .

Romans 12 :2 ,   Isn't C1oudfire  up your way ? I have not seen her on here in some time though . Look up her site.    You are sure to find other preppers soon.  Many Dave Ramsey classes are springing up everywhere   and  this will open up conversations to find like-minded people . Then you can start little group meetings of your own .    Look up survivalblog.com you might get some info there.  

 The  group  in our area does not have many official meetings now that we have spent alot of time snowed in ,  but on Sundays and through e-mail we share info and bargains .  No one in our group  makes over 100k  so our prep is in  goods , skills, gardening , and discussion on these things . Not so much on where we will invest our big bucks . One shares their eggs while the other will bring horseradish to trade .Then when each others hens go on break someone has something else to bargain.   We know everything is  a gift that we should be good stewards of, and the uplifting fellowship is more precious than anything .

Good ones Plato ,  

  I turn the joke around to me  .  I say I am the biggest tightwad and proud of it  , I HATE spending money on anything that is flushed down the drain so it is challenge to be frugal .... .and I refuse to pay more for a car than I did a place to live.  I say  I am not buying some fancy car to have to worry whether one of the kids will end up with it in the ditch.  And  everyone of them has ended there at least once .   My mom jokes and says " only three more to go then I can have a nice car . ''    I say then it will be my turn in the ditch no thanks I do not want to drive anything that takes a loan from the bank . 

 I think we should be starting a trend and others will follow . Especially when they see we are not stressed by being in debt and  not worried where our next loaf of bread will come from .    This will draw people to ask why and how . Many will not get it  but  you would not believe the number of  people  that ask me how I make soap and laundry detergent .  This open a door for other discussion then I add little each time they ask  about what am I doing now .

I am going on too much here ,winter has slowed the work down  but I should be looking at the seed catalog and getting ready for spring .

 We are to do the best we can with what we have and help those who want to do the same,  we are not responsible for those who will not listen .

Second this!

Viva -- Sager