Depression and Marriage Problems Since Taking the Red Pill

Welcome Laura,

You've asked:

1) have any of you had marriage problems since you became aware, and how are you dealing with them?

No, because soon after taking the red pill myself, my wife started hearing it from other sources besides me. She knew there was trouble brewing when a family friend, a very gentle man with a large family not known for rash decisions, bought a gun and PM's; totally uncharacteristic. Since that point she's on board with the program. But before that I didn't push too hard. Take whatever leeway you can get, but know your (his) limits. It seems like he has given you wide latitude, which is a huge benefit, so do what you can without pissin' him off too much! Don't get depressed, instead be cheerful.

You say that you can't sleep? I should think that with all the preps you achieved in such a short period of time you'de be sleeping like a baby! Congratulations! Drinking too much wine? Drink only in celebration that you're a step ahead of the crowd!

my husband and I don’t really have the red pill thing in common, and that’s a HUGE disconnect in our lives.

Then downplay the disconnect, and accentuate the things in your life that you have in common, especially family. Don't be obsessive, do your preps quietly, but not in secret. Don't ever hide anything, just don't make them front and center in your life. Be upbeat and positive; be of good cheer. You have good reason to be so. You are prepared!! And you have a good life. Hubby's still on the blue pill, but you're not, which gives you the opportunity to prepare for both of you. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to do this for him. Go for it!

I am not competent to give financial advice except to tell you what you obviously already have concluded and that is to get out of dollar denominated assets. Hubby says to make the decision on your pension alone, that's a blessing to have that freedom on a decision that should be a mutual one. Take the ball and run with it, you are more informed than you may be giving yourself credit for.

I feel so alone.

You are not, it only feels that way.

Hi Laura,

I'm impressed at how much you've achieved in 4 1/2 months actually!  Not to mention the speed with which you "got it".....  I've been "onto" Limits to Growth for fifteen years, Peak Oil for around ten, and the economic collapse for around five, so my wife has had a lot of time to adapt fortunately, and she now is 100% behind our preparation, and is in fact trying to convert her own sister and her family, trying to get them to buy the land next door to build a liferaft......

I'm no financial advisor, but to me it's obvious pension funds are going down the gurggler.....  my wife turns 55 this year, and she can cash in her superannuation (as we call these things in Australia) but we won't be using the money to buy PMs, we'll pay off ALL our debts (not much really..) and increase our water storage, finish fencing, oh and finish the house!

Personally I think it's more important to set yourself up so you can live with no income (we currently live off $200 a week) but of course we do not have the burden of four children....  Are your adult children on board yet?  Ours are and they know that WTSHTF they will live with us to help us run the place.....  and yes, they find that prospect scary!

Good luck....  I truly don't know what else to tell you, except hang in there, it will soon become obvious evenr to your DH that it's all going pear shaped fast.

Mike

Dear Laura,

Even the most pessimistic forcasters say that the US has several years before a date with hyperinflation or currecy crisis.  First of all, take a breath.

Next, I'd like to second everything that earthwise has said.

The best advice that I can give is to stop making decisions from a place of fear.  That's probably some of the worst advice ever given, since how does one stop being afraid when they are confronted with something scary?  I'm not sure, but I know that it is necessary.

Security was never guaranteed - even when you were among the "sheepke," as you put it, there were risks.  Your secure retirement was never guaranteed.  Any one of us could be run over by a bus tomorrow.  But did you live your life in fear?  Of course not.  The economic problems of the United States are not the end of the world - they simply add another dimension to the risk.

Now, think about what in life makes you happy.  What can you buy with money that makes you happy?  Or is it being with the people you love, having your health, and doing the things that you enjoy what really brings you happiness?  You are afraid because you are terrified of losing what you have convinced yourself you need - money.  But you don't really need it.  See this recent BBC poll: Nigeria Tops Happiness Survey. 

That's right.  A country torn by civil war and full of people who are dirt poor is happier than the United States.  No matter what happens in the United States, we can be happy as individuals.

I'm not advocating a fatalistic viewpoint.  Reasonable preparations can be made;  make them.  But never allow fear to control you.  (1) Accept the risks.  Risk is part of life.  (2)  Prepare for the risks best you can.  (3) Visualize the worst that can possibly happen, and how you could get by and still find joy in life.  If you do this often enough, fear should lose its effect, because you will know that you are mentally in control of your life.

Now, what to do about your husband?  If you disagree about how to handle your money, you will have to do one of two things: (1) Compromise, or (2) Separate your money so that each of you is responsible for managing part of it.  But take it easy on him and know that he may have his limits.  This might be frustrating for you, but the only thing I can suggest is that in the 3 -odd decades that you have on the earth, a happy family life might bring more happiness than the extra money ever could.

Whether or not I cashed out a pension would depend on a number of things such as tax consequences.  If it would bump me into a higher tax bracket, I probably wouldn't do it all in one year.  If I had decided to cash out a pension fund, I would do it gradually over a period of two or three years, and divide the money between precious metals and foreign currency CD's (such as those available from everbank.com).  Remember that any preparations that you make will put you far ahead of most people.

Laura --

Holy guacamole are YOU the fast-acting agent!  4-1/2 months and you've gotten all that done?  Take a bow...

Much fine advice above and I don't believe I can improve upon it.  IMO re the pension, I'll liken it to my opinion on Social Security:  I'm 45 now, and in my heart I know I will never claim a dime (or if I do, it'll be in a time when $1000/mo will buy, say, 1 bag of groceries or $10 gals of gas due to inflation).  If I could cash out of SS I would.  But that's just my opinion.

Keep in mind you are already ahead of 99% of the population.  It took my wife the better part of a year to take the red pill.  But she got there.  

Hang in there.  It helps me (when I'm feeling angsty about TEOTWAWKI) to simply stop, observe the world, and appreciate the little things -- especially if they happen to be little things that might go away (say, watching a couple of friends in a coffee shop just gabbing and smiling without a care in the world, or going to the movies with my wife and eating popcorn and so forth).  Getting out in nature and unplugging also helps a lot.

Best of luck.  Keep us posted.

Viva -- Sager

I feel so alone

Try being a single dad fully responsible for two little kids (6 and 8), like I am.  But like Chris says, you have to trust yourself.  And then you start kicking some ass.  We are all capable of so much, but often it doesn't come out until a huge challenge like this appears.

BTW - I too am very impressed with what you've accomplished so quickly.

Hello Laura,

I like your honesty, and this thread is a great benchmark for all preparedness and relationship topics. I'd like to share a few thoughts. 

You are more prepared for any man-made or natural disaster than 98% of the people you see on the street. Take a moment to let that sink in. That's a big accomplishment. Prior to that - in your sheeple days - you managed debt very well, maintained a dual income career track, and raised a healthy family. Again, not an easy task. You are BADASS! Very well done.

You've reached your husband's economic collapse limit and he let you know it. You can assume he's noticed the wine, the teeth-grinding, the often furrowed brow of worry and discontent also. I'll bet he's concerned about those more than the retirement accounts.

My wife went along with the 7 4x4 square foot gardening boxes, water filtration, back-up generator, food prep (3 months, for the two of us), pistol and minimal ammo, reserve cash, and I went to the CC seminar in VA last April. She then let me know it was time to back off...so I did. I just let the rest go. From here on, we'll do our best with what we've got.

The retirement savings thing seems to be sticking in your craw a bit. Perhaps the wine and teeth-grinding are symptoms of that field that you never got plowed. I advise you to just let it go by putting your husband back on point for retirement fund investing. He'll do fine. Just set that burden right on his shoulders and take a long break from it. Don't talk or think about it again until Easter. Focus your attention elsewhere. It's his baby unless he asks for your advice, then by all means jump back in.

The food and skills you've gathered are far more valuable in my opinion. By all means continue with the chickens, gardening and canning. Those are great things to develop friendships and community around (composting club anyone?), not a big hairy disaster prep task. 

Here's a small recommendation: You didn't mention whether you do any physical fitness activities. There are lots of fully integrated DVD series that you can do at home, at a reasonable price. ChaLEAN Extreme is just one example to get you started with resistance training with very little equipment. On nutrition, look at Tony Gonzalez' "The All Pro Diet". I guarantee your husband knows who Tony Gonzalez is. It is mostly a plant based diet...from an all-pro football player...How can that be? Exercise helps regulate mood. Proper diet is essential for ...ahem... those of us at a certain age. My wife and I turned 50 last year. We work out together and it's been a great morale builder.

Just my 2 cents,

Paul

Ah yes, those were the days - It took my better half seeing Crude Awakening (AKA Crude Impact) to realize living in the real world didn't have time for playing video games, parties, dinners out, traveling and movies after retirement. All it took was saying "honey you gotta see this!" and he was on-board.

I think your uncomfortable feelings are normal for how short a time you have taken the red pill. It's a huge step and once taken - you can never go back - only deeper into the rabbit hole. Your family and friends will eventually come to realize you are not who they thought they you were and may or may not take your seriously. Don't waiver. and don't say more. When they need you - you will be there and you will be ready for whatever comes next.

But know this - you are a brave woman and you are not just doing this for yourself. You do this for your husband and your family's safety. That's why you panic - you obviously feel you are not ready for this and have been making a mad dash to once again feel safe and in control. It gets easier after you have your plan and act on it. Constantly work on priorizing your plan and keep the faith. Most on this site have been there, done that and are just as ready as you are.  Play Your End Game and Play it Well.

Peace - EGP

Just wanted to add a couple things, Laura:

1.  Don't get caught up in trying to Control things;  there is no Controlling it.  Imagine you're surfing a very large wave.  You cannot control that very large wave.  You can only hope to surf it well.  Go YouTube some North Shore Hawai`i Pipeline videos.  Just prepare to ride the wave.

2.  Re: what other people (spouse, friends/family, whoever) think:  check the line in my sig:  "One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice."

Viva -- Sager

Laura

I also commend you on the preparations you've made.  You are incredibly efficient and have done twice as much as I have in half the time.  I think it is fine to enjoy yourself some.  Go out to the movies or to a nice dinner.  Enjoy some time with your husband.  Just always keep in the back of your mind that change is ahead of us and keep on quietly and consistently making preparations.  And don't get frustrated.  Nobody can be completely prepared. 

i did bump heads with my wife over this issue.  For a while, she probably thought I lost my marbles.  After a year of slowly exposing my wife to various reading materials, she finally took the red pill.  I think to some degree at some level, your husband understands that things are not well.  We will be seeing more economic shocks this year and that will continue to peck away at his belief system.  You can carefully use those opportunities to further educate him.  I would try to be like Chris Martenson when presenting him with new information.  Provide your husband with the facts, but remain unemotional.  Let him come to his own conclusions.

Brian

That video shows the *good* result.  The bad result (i.e. no prep or awareness of coming changes) would result in falling off one's board at about the 48 second mark...

Laura,

You are an amazing woman.  It is simply incredible what you've accomplished in that period of time.  As everyone recognizes here, you are better prepared than 99% of the population, maybe 99.9%.  As someone else said, you just need to seek some balance.  The heavy wine consumption is obviously not good nor is the teeth grinding.  Eat healthily, exercise, meditate, and breathe to disperse stress.  Quite frankly, a little bit of counselling may not be a bad idea to help you through this.  As someone else said, hubby doing his thing is actually a way of hedging your bets.  He's obviously been pushed to his limit and is balking.  Give him some time.   I'd take Nickbert's excellent advice here about knowing what to do about your pension.  It's a crap shoot but the tummy knows what's best for you psychologically.

http://www.peakprosperity.com/comment/63136#comment-63136

You're going to get through this just fine ... you're an obviously intelligent and hard working survivor.  And you're not alone.  Many of us here have gone through the same thing more or less and, to some extent, still are.  You can reframe this situation just like a roller coast ride.  It can be terrifying or thrilling, depending upon your perspective.  Prayer doesn't hurt either (hope I don't get bonked by the mod).   

   Ok, so you really do know how this works ....  You leave a copy of Mother Earth News and the Survival Popular Machanic Magazines in the Bathroom  by the pot .....  You do not say a thing .        Then When he thinks it is ALL his idea  you are home free !

An apt post from a guy named "Full Moon."

Boomer,

That is pretty much what I did. I took half of mine and rolled over to Sterling IRA. I bought PM and glad I did. Sterling seems to be a good company. Like you I am over 60 so there would not be the 10% penalty to withdraw but since I am still working I just can't bring myself to suffer the serious tax hit to take it out. The thought of taking the money and paying the tax is becoming more and more an option though.

With the Sterling account you can take delivery in kind if you want.  In other words you take delivery of PM  instead of cash. You still have to pay the taxes though. No way to get around that.

Ken

Im getting on a plane in 10 minutes so here is the nutshell version:

- Google "peakshrink" and write Kathy.  She is a CM fan and has been very understanding and helpful.

- If the money is YOUR money, then you can invest it anyway you see fit right?  Putting your money into PMs will preserve your wealth by keeping pace with inflation.  Consider an investment that provides income and protection.  For me that means a duplex to rent out for you that may mean something else.  Consider getting out of debt with your home.

-  The investments in time and money you have made are all recoverable.  (Google "Alpha Strategy"  and read that e-book.)  You have changed your resiliance factor by 1000%  If you are wrong, it wont really cost you that much in the long run.   You are leveraging your time and a little capital but not much relative to the resiliance you have created for your family.

I sometimes wished I had taken the blue pill.  This is the only place I can socialize and feel a part of a community.  My suggestion is to visit this group and get recharged.  Otherwise respect your hubby's path...everyone has one.

- Wanna get married?  Im already married but I think that is okay in UT.Many cudos for the work you have done!

Bon Voyage!