How did you come to be not-partnered?

Amanda Witman
By Amanda Witman on Wed, Dec 19, 2012 - 12:04am

Was it by lifelong choice?  Circumstance?  Death, separation, divorce?  Were you imagining a resilient lifestyle with a partner or without one?  There must be quite a range of circumstances here. 

I myself have always been resilience-minded, even before I had a inkling of what it meant or why it was important.  I always imagined myself partnered with someone who valued that perspective.  I suddenly found myself unpartnered two years ago due to separation and eventual divorce, and now I'm revising my resiliency plans to accommodate going it alone.  My ex-partner did not share the value of resilience and so in some ways it's easier now than ever to shift my lifestyle in that direction.

I am curious about the variety of perspectives we bring to this group.  How did you come to be a person who would fit in with a group like this one?

Note: If you're reading this and are not yet a member of Peak Prosperity's Preppers Without Partners Group, please consider joining it now. It's where our active community explores challenges and solutions, advantages and disadvantages to either "going it alone" or facing the future as a single adult responsible for the care of children or elder family members. Simply go here and click the "Join Today" button.

28 Comments

Woodman's picture
Woodman
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Sep 26 2008
Posts: 1025
partners and resilience

I formed a relationship with my last partner because we shared values of resilience; unfortunately there were other conflicting issues.  I 'd like to meet someone new interested in resilence.

jeangordon's picture
jeangordon
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Dec 25 2012
Posts: 1
I just haven't found anyone

I just haven't found anyone that I can stand that can stand me. :)

V2's picture
V2
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: May 13 2010
Posts: 31
Younger Perspective

It seems like this group was geared initially towards folks who have passed the "traditional" marriage years, but I still feel like I belong as a young adult. It's very, very hard to meet like-minded people. I've at least brushed the issues raised here with recent women, but none of them took me seriously. So many people are content with their blinders on. I often yearn for a partner who can share in my efforts and provide support. I also recognize the advantages of being a lone wolf. The grass is always greener, I suppose.

ao's picture
ao
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2009
Posts: 2220
jeangordon wrote: I just

jeangordon wrote:

I just haven't found anyone that I can stand that can stand me. :)

LOL.  A honest person.  With any attitude like that, you WILL find someone and someone special.

Strickie's picture
Strickie
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 8 2012
Posts: 1
Widowed Nearly 10 Years Ago

I lost my husband to ALS rather quickly.  Shortly after that I discovered Peak Oil, etc and began to make plans to survive fir myself, adult son and daughter-in-law, three grandchildren and elderly mom.  Mom has since passed and I am no farther along in my preparations than I was 5 years ago.  I simply don't know enough about mnay subjects in order to purchase or do the right things.  But I am a believer.  Cathy

Arthur Robey's picture
Arthur Robey
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2010
Posts: 2346
Welcome Cathy.

Welcome Cathy.

Pull up a chair by the fire. You are among friends.

Amanda Witman's picture
Amanda Witman
Status: Peak Prosperity Team (Offline)
Joined: Mar 17 2008
Posts: 409
Welcome, Cathy

I suspect you are much further in your preparation-mindset than most people can claim.  You said I simply don't know enough about mnay subjects in order to purchase or do the right things.  If you have the time to do some reading, our What Should I Do? (WSID) series here at PeakProsperity may help to fill in those gaps.  We also have a WSID blog where we provide more in-depth information about preparedness topics.  This is one of the main goals at our site -- to help people gain the information they need to make the choices that will help them increase personal resilience -- and, by extention, prosperity -- in the coming new economic/environmental/energy age.  We also offer a deal-of-the-week (thanks to our deal scout, jasonw) if you're looking to make purchases related to increasing your resilience.  All of these site features are free.  If you want to talk more about this with others who can help sort out what small steps would bring the most gain, let us know!

I am so very sorry to hear how you lost your husband.  One of our longtime contributors, Mish Shedlock, recently lost his wife to ALS as well.  Your belief in yourself is your most powerful asset.

Welcome.

ptwisewoman's picture
ptwisewoman
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Nov 18 2008
Posts: 55
Accepting not-partnered

Amanda, I love the term not-partnered.  I'm here by choice and circumstances.  Like Woodman, I have been in relationships where being resilient and preparation was a part of the partnership, circumstances has brought me to the point where I am working at it mostly alone, except for the company and help of my elderly mother.  Who by the way grew up on a subsistence farm in this area and has a ton of information in her head that she can share.  Sometimes we have to work at getting it out but it sure makes the problem solving easier sometimes.

I have probably been focused on being self-sufficient most of my adult life.  It seemed important to me to be prepared and my grandparents lifestyle encouraged that or they were an excellent role model.  I learned to can, freeze, harvest, shell, shuck, sew and live within my means from a young age.  My grandparents had small packets of gold coins stashed around their house in the 60s and 70s.  Now that I'm "retired" I am trying hard to create a productive 5 acres and encourage and help friends and neighbors.  It would be nice to have an actively involved partner but I'm a firm believer in accepting what I've been dealt and making lemonaide out of it.

Sharon

Arthur Robey's picture
Arthur Robey
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2010
Posts: 2346
Way to go Sharon.

I could use another to help sail my boat, but the issues to do with personalities are just too hard. All the bargaining and negotiations! And then you still don't get it right.

There is a lot of satisfaction for me having solititude and the ability not to have to react to someone else. At least I am not an MCP.

I disappoint no-one but myself if things are not perfect. I really enjoy the freedom to choose just what I am going to do and when.

The older I get the more comfortable I am in my own skin.

By the way, all the commodities are down but one, Coffee. There is merit in trading coffee for a crust using sailboats, growing Norrie and growing and trading saffron. (The product is very small, very expensive, and very legal.)

And if civilization and the internet hold up I can do computer aided drawings from the interior of the yacht.(My very own tax deductable office.) Again the product is very small, (Just data), very portable and very legal.

dtstein's picture
dtstein
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 25 2010
Posts: 11
Unable to blind myself after seeing

I'm 54 and after 25 years of marriage we are divorcing  in large part to my acting upon the need to become more resilient. 9-11 first opened my eyes to the fact I needed to be more engaged in the world. The economic crises of 2008 further drove me to read widely about what was happening to the world, what was going wrong, and to question many of my assumptions of how the world worked.  It was eye opening to say the least. My response to the inexorable forces bearing down on us was to act in areas under my control.  (Blissful) denial has never seemed to me to be a successful strategy for alleviating anxiety about the future.    My wife felt I was being unreasonable to make plans for the  changes we will (and are seeing), while I thought it utterly illogical and blind, and most importantly irresponsible, not to. Sadly she never understood this was done with the well being of our family and our community upmost in mind.  So like others here, I will move on in life and seek a partner who get it.  My boys, who are in college, are somewhat receptive and see by my example that I am serious.  Fortunately, they are both studying engineering, so they are technically skilled and I am confident will be well suited to meet our future challenges successfully.

Because of the isolation one feels among family and friends still trapped in normalcy bias, I have found great satisfaction and strength in making new friends in my community, on-line, as well as through Peak Prosperity.  In particular, my batteries have been fully recharged both times I've had the pleasure of going to a Rowe Conference with Chris and Becca. While I'm quite comfortable in my own skin and being the oddman out in conventional situations, I have optimism for the future as I meet more and more fellow travelers, sometimes in the most unlikely of places. Cheers!

nigel's picture
nigel
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 15 2009
Posts: 89
Farm life

Most jobs on a farm are fun if you do them with someone else, even if it's a daily chore. That aside i've been single for 2 years now and am very happy. It's easy to spend money on preps if you don't have to explain why you want to buy things.

The ex didn't have the same perspective. I'm happy being single, i would be happy to find someone with the same point of view, and if I don't that's ok too. I'm quite content to get my house and land squared away before I go running after romance again.

ptwisewoman's picture
ptwisewoman
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: Nov 18 2008
Posts: 55
Sailing away

Oh, Arthur, sailing away from the mess does sound lovely.  I love watching the sun rise and set on the water.  Having spent years not only trying to negotiate relationships and try to manage large scale organizational/political nonsense I like to tell folks these days that I find it zen-like to know I have the simplicity of only one butt to kick if something doesn't work.  I don't take offense from the butt kick and move on without a lot of silliness.  Would it be easier if I had help and maybe nice to have someone to discuss things with, maybe, but that isn't the case and I don't think I need to wait for it to be different to prepare.

BTW, I too haven't yet given up coffee though I am going to try growing dandelion and see if that will help me transition.  I too am considering the saffron growing as a good source of income for the future.  I sure like it in my rice.  Sharon

Amanda Witman's picture
Amanda Witman
Status: Peak Prosperity Team (Offline)
Joined: Mar 17 2008
Posts: 409
V2, I want to be clear that not everyone here is beyond

the "traditional marriage years," as you put it, and that was certainly not the assumption or focus when I started this group.  I am in my 30s.  wink

I am so glad to see such a diverse and strong group of posters here.  Keep sharing your stories, suggestions, questions, and solutions!

Richard C's picture
Richard C
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: May 29 2013
Posts: 4
Well I Too Have trouble getting along.

I originally was with a prepper gal a good # of years ago, I went to advance my degree and long and short of is she ran off.

Had a few short relationships since, Here is the bottom line,

I don't play well with Liberals at all. I actually blame them for a good portion of why we are where we are. At least the Portion that I don't Blame on the Conservative side with Crony Capitalism and their manipulations on that front. I don't much care for libertarians with the anarchist bent...... That won't end well....at all.

I think stupid actions should be allowed, if it kills you so be it...if it messes with someone else you need to pay in full.

I think if you can't afford to have a kid well then you shouldn't..... It's Not my problem.

If you are hungry, find away to get food, or starve.. I suggest a Job and frugal living. Not my problem.

If you think it's a good Idea for requiring a new Lic. to do something it's probably going to benefit YOUR business by squeezing out competition. Quit using govt to enforce BS on the Competition to your Benefit.

In fact if you have any Great and wonderful Ideas, then attract willing investors and invest in it yourself and don't expect the rest of us to pay for your Great Idea though regulations and taxes.

How many 'Homeless advocates' Set up a spare room in their own home to help house them?......

Nope, don't much care for the regulators, the do gooders on my dime. or the uber religious either.

Now on the other hand I offer a lot. I fix most anything, including people and animals. as well as the truck and the tractor. build the house and cut the wood to heat it. wire it and provide multiple sources to power it. I raise the cattle and weed the garden and can the food just like my depression era grandmother taught me to.

I was raised on a small and poor dairy farm, went into the Marine Corps, got out went to school and a whole bunch of OJT, and strove to learn all I could. I Vol. as a EMT and firefighter, and learned that too. I never said I was overly Humble and that does not help one bit to find a proper mate.

Richard

Arthur Robey's picture
Arthur Robey
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2010
Posts: 2346
A State of Marriage.

Married to the State.

The State brings home the bacon.

The State provides the shelter.

The State provides the security.

The State provides the meds to dampen irksome itches.

It is State is Great.

For now. 

Richard C's picture
Richard C
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: May 29 2013
Posts: 4
As often happens;

I will make some statement of my personal opinion or observed fact, and shortly there after appears

an Amazingly apropo and Illustrative example:

http://dailycaller.com/2013/05/29/pro-homeless-pols-give-street-people-t...

sird's picture
sird
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 25 2012
Posts: 1
hang in there went through that y2k

I would rather be called crazy then the zombies or united nations goons roasting me over a open flame.

something more unsettling in the air now,ex thought i was nuts for all the propane and water and food. she the ex now  lol  her skinny butt up for grabs as I hunker down  lol  cant we just all get along and coexist ?

oboma /biden stickers 2012 get my stove goin  lol

on is never tottally prepped till there last breath.  taking long hard breath and pulling ******* 

big smile as i  as i assssss i  they will remember me.

love yourself, your country,your family and friends. protect all

vicsstix's picture
vicsstix
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Aug 26 2013
Posts: 1
"Extra Ordinary"

I got a little bit of hope
Like a soap on a rope
Sweeter than sour
But getting thinner by the hour
Falling fast, and I'm running out of gas. . . Better Than Ezra

I wanted a "life of my own" and now I have it but it was not my original desire. My original dream was to be with someone who would be a friend, lover and partner in life, not just someone's maid with benefits. I still have hope for the future because I was told that dream to be with a life partner, is a life mission for me and not to give it up. It explains why after having been through so much, I still have that burning desire. 

I'm a 59 year old active, attractive woman living in the Mid-West who is available. I'm fixing up my house and moving to Idaho because it is rated 5 stars in the "Strategic Relocation" book and I want to live in a like minded community, living a simpler life on my own land, preferably with a mate. If anyone is interested, drop me a line. I make a damn fine friend, if you get to know me.

Best regards to everyone!

No BSman's picture
No BSman
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 30 2013
Posts: 2
 I wasn't de-partnered by

 I wasn't de-partnered by choice so much as survival. I was working towards self-sufficiency alone while my ex made every bad decision, one after another, and covered them with deception and outright lies. At this point, when many tens of thousands of dollars were diverted to pay for secret debts I sincerely hope TS does not HTF any time soon. Instead of being ready with all the equipment, food stocks and negotiable items necessary to survive and thrive for the rest of our lives, I will be re-starting.

Would I want a like-minded partner? Hell yeah! But it seems that finding a like-minded person anywhere is difficult, and this small subset of the population we make up does tend to attract a fair number who are, shall we say, already teetering over the edge. The various prepper dating sites allow like-minded people to find each other, but if people are to meet through those sites they have to be willing to actually communicate with them and eventually meet in person. Texting and emails are easy, but a poor substitute for a real face-to-face conversation. It's too easy to avoid that final step in determining compatibility.

Maybe I'm just grumpy! But I live in a great place, away from large cities, and got my "stuff" together so why is it that after weeks or months of trading emails, texts and phone calls people are still afraid to meet someone new? I think it has a lot to do with that "devil you know" mentality, but it seems like the bigger risk than another failed relationship would be to possibly miss out on being able to live a great life, whatever happens in the world, if that's what a person really wants. Sometimes people are so paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake, that they make an even bigger one by not taking that opportunity when it shows itself.

homesteadheart's picture
homesteadheart
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Sep 29 2013
Posts: 2
"Not departnered by choice"

May I copy & paste your experience?   I've gone through the same thing and sit here wondering, what just happened?  Six months ago, living on a beautiful mountain range, having prepped for the past 13 years.  And now, I too, am re-starting.  I believe there's just something within all of us that HAS to get ready.  Guess I'm still in shock, and trying to figure out the next steps and probably head west again in a year or two, and pray for God's grace and mercy.   And yes, that "bigger risk' of a failed relationship you mentioned...    I took that risk, and I think  I lost.  Well, not really.  I still have MY integrity and faith. And having researched this "stuff" for 18 years, somehow, I just can't stop knowing that it must be done, as much as possible, with what I've got.  God will watch my back.   I actually signed up here just because I need that little bit of hope that comes from communicating with like-minded people.  It brings strength to get back up and keep putting one foot ahead of the other.  Godspeed on your journey;  there's a reason for all that happens.  If we look for it, we'll see it. 

Amanda Witman's picture
Amanda Witman
Status: Peak Prosperity Team (Offline)
Joined: Mar 17 2008
Posts: 409
Welcome, homesteadheart

Yes, you do still have your integrity and everything you've learned over the years can be applied to wherever you go now.  I'm sorry to hear of your shock -- I have been there and it's quite a process.  I hope that your path will be clear and your resources near at hand.  I'm glad you're here.

No BSman's picture
No BSman
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Apr 30 2013
Posts: 2
Hold on. You didn't lose,

Hold on.

You didn't lose, although it may seem that way right now. You'll come back tougher and smarter after everything shakes out.

SPAM_ferralhen's picture
SPAM_ferralhen
Status: Silver Member (Offline)
Joined: Oct 14 2009
Posts: 151
some of us live just fine

some of us live just fine sans a partner.....don't believe the hype that life isn't life without one.....well we all did once but 2x?

go live your life  as you see the way to do it....the universe will either support you as a single or provide a partner...push it and you could repeat the disaster.

companionship can be  costly so can single life.....do the math and then choose.

i can't afford one right now....too expensive.

besides , i've done everything already on my own....

who do i need? it no longer becomes about need...it's who can enhance my life.?

Arthur Robey's picture
Arthur Robey
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2010
Posts: 2346
Give yourself 5 years Homesteadheart.

Expect a 5 year "period of adjustment."

Do not date for the next 5 years. Most men spend more effort checking out a new car than checking out their erstwhile partner. It requires clarity of thought.

homesteadheart's picture
homesteadheart
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Sep 29 2013
Posts: 2
Thanks to all for your

Thanks to all for your encouragement.  I feel amongst friends here.

Arthur Robey's picture
Arthur Robey
Status: Diamond Member (Offline)
Joined: Feb 4 2010
Posts: 2346
Looking for a Mate?

I found this video entertainingly instructive.

MyBackAchers's picture
MyBackAchers
Status: Bronze Member (Offline)
Joined: May 27 2013
Posts: 26
He went to jail...

Then to prison. 

I have a Internet business so the then-husband didn't need to work, other than farm setup for production, cut some wood and such...but he drank, secretly. I found out about it when he attempted suicide and he got sent to jail for his troubles. 

Since his time to be served was 5 months to a year and he had no interest in anything, but to drink n chase, he didn't want any "ties" to hold him down so he just signed off on everything and left for another state that reduced his time where he can do "his thing".

All I could say is WOW, the biggest offense I have to society is a library fine in 81...that was my wild year.

marjham's picture
marjham
Status: Member (Offline)
Joined: Jun 5 2012
Posts: 8
Inside the Belly of The Beast

Great find - not as "mate-bait", but as one of the more articulate encapsulations of Western evo/devolution. Would like to share with our new PP group, formed as a result of latest Rowe Group Seminar.   

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